a warm summers night
by Voldyismoldy
Summary: There are two sides to Duo. One side loves Heero the other side could kill him. not for people under eighteen. Abuse, rape, alcoholism, eating disorders. Yaoi 2x1, 3x4, 5xM
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing I just like to play with the boys.

Voldyismoldy: I have been reading a lot of Gundam Fanfiction lately and have gotten tired of reading fic's where Duo is the more vulnerable one and Heero abuses him. In my opinion Heero would be the more vulnerable one never having relationships before or really anyone to care about him so I decided to write my own where Duo is the abuser and Heero is the one being abused. If you don't like don't read. I haven't decided yet if this is going to be a one shot or not it depends on the reviews I get and if people want me to continue it. Also this is my first time writing something like this so if it is not good I apologize and if you give me suggestions I will try to make it better.

Warning: Graphic rape scene don't read if your under the age of eighteen.

Dedication: This fic is dedicated to the victims of rape know that it is never your fault and if the only way a person will care about you is to force you to have sex they aren't worth it. No one deserves to be used or abused and I urge you to seek help if this has happened or is happening to you.

A Warm Summers Night.

Heero lay in his bed curled beneath the single sheet having pulled off his blankets due to the heat. It was a hot summer night so he wore only his boxers and was still sweating making it difficult for him to sleep, that and Duo's continued absence.

He had gone out earlier that night and had yet to return and if he was to be honest with himself he was a little worried about him. He had been going out a lot lately to deal with the stress from work or so he said and Heero could believe that. They both worked for the preventors and it was stressful dealing with all of the high class missions they were sent on being the top two agents.

But there was something wrong with Duo, he had grown quiet lately and angry, and Heero missed his usual cheerful grin and non-stop talking not that he had said anything about it. He had never even hinted at his feelings for the other boy not used to having such feelings or knowing how to express them. Dr. J had always told him that feelings were a liability in war and he wasn't supposed to have them but the war was now over and the feelings had come.

The warmth filling his chest whenever Duo had smiled at him and the feeling of safety when he slung his arm over his shoulders. He had been shocked when the braided man had asked him to move into an apartment together and Heero had immediately agreed. It had felt so good to be wanted by someone and not for what he could do but just for himself.

He had hoped too that perhaps now he and Duo would have a chance at a real relationship. He knew that was what he wanted, to be loved by Duo, the only one he really considered a friend. It was true he had the other pilots but Quatre and Trowa were to busy with each other to spend time with him and Wufei was busy with a girl of his own. The three of them had moved on, started their own lives, and Heero hadn't known what to do with his until Duo had offered to let him be a part of his.

Until Duo had showed him that even he, the perfect soldier, the experiment, could be wanted too. He hadn't believed it was possible that anyone would want him in their lives, even Relena had decided that Heero wasn't what she wanted after all and had left him and he couldn't blame her. He was a freak, unlike any other human because of the experiments that had been done on him, the testing and genetic manipulations, and who would want someone like that? Who could love someone like that?

God he hoped that Duo could and a small smile, one that was becoming more and more common to see there, spread across his face as he thought of him. As he imagined the feel of his lips against his own, the warmth of his skin beneath his hands, and felt a tightness to his groin. The smile faded a little as he wondered what Duo would do, what he would think, if he knew what he was thinking. Would be glad and return the feelings or would be disgusted by them and reject him for them?

He wasn't given time to contemplate that thought as he heard a key slide into the lock of the front door and the door swing open with a bang as it was shut again. Duo was home, he was ok, and he sat up in the bed wondering if he would come to talk to him and tell him what was wrong or if he should go and talk to him. Heero wasn't any good at talking but for Duo he would try, he just wanted the old Duo back again.

He listened as the other man thudded down the hall and knew he had been drinking. Heero, himself, detested alcohol and the way it muddled his senses but never said anything about the other man's drinking habits knowing he needed something to dull the pain of the war they had fought. Heero used his work to dull his pain concentrating fully on the mission to block out any other thoughts or memories and it worked fairly well except that he was now known as a workaholic (though really he wasn't that bad).

The thudding stopped outside his door and he saw his doorknob move as his work partner opened his door stepping inside and closing it behind him. Heero tried to smile at him as he came closer hoping the man was finally ready to talk to him. He was sure once he got whatever was bothering him out they could fix it and then everything would be all right again.

Duo walked up to the bed without speaking and then stopped staring at him with a strange look in his eyes. Heero watched slightly unnerved as they traveled down his bare chest and abdomen to the tops of his boxers that peeked out from beneath the sheet that covered the rest of him. They lingered on his belly button and to his surprise Duo actually licked his lips before he moved to kneel on the bed in front of him.

"Duo . . .?" Heero questioned but the rest of his words were cut off as Duo suddenly brought his lips to his in a rough kiss.

It wasn't at all what Heero had thought kissing him would feel like. His lips were cold and tasted of alcohol and something else he couldn't place. There was no warmth, no passion, and he wanted to move away from him but couldn't as he felt the man's hand latch itself in his hair forcing him deeper into the kiss.

His lips were bruising on his and he gasped as Duo bit down hard on the lower lip slipping his tongue into the now open mouth. It slid inside his mouth tasting him and exploring every inch of it while Heero wanted nothing more than to end the kiss. Why was Duo doing this? What was wrong with him and how could Heero want this and not want this at the same time. He was torn between desire and disgust and didn't know what to do.

He didn't want to hurt Duo, didn't want the boy to turn away from him, to leave him as all the others had. He didn't want to be alone again and he knew if he tried to stop this than his friend would be angry with him, may even hate him, and he didn't want that not with Duo, the first and only person he had ever had feelings for, the only one who had ever wanted him.

So he did nothing and when Duo started to push him back onto the bed he allowed it a shiver of fear racing down his body. The braided boy pulled away the sheet without breaking the kiss and ran his free hand down his chest and stomach his finger dipping into his navel. In spite of himself Heero let out a small moan and smiling the boy broke away from his lips and moved down to suck on his neck just above his left shoulder.

Heero cried out as he bit down hard on the tender skin and then groaned as he licked the spot before moving onto his now hard brown nipple's. He took one in his mouth rolling it around with his tongue and Heero moaned again throwing back his head as he closed his eyes. He had wanted this for so long, to feel Duo's hands on him, to experience such pleasure with the other boy and yet something about it still felt wrong. Shouldn't he have at least asked him first or had he already been sure that Heero would want this too?

He wanted to ask him, to find out what this was all about, but Duo was continuing his administrations to his chest and moved onto the other nipple giving it the same treatment and keeping him from speaking as he moaned again. He felt it then his hand moving from his abdomen to the skin beneath his boxers trailing over his erection as Duo rubbed against his stomach with his own.

Heero's eyes opened as he felt the man remove his only article of clothing leaving him naked beneath him his face flushing. This was going to far, he had wanted this yes, but not like this and he felt a strong urge to push the other boy off him. To end this now before it went any further but again he didn't want to hurt him or make him hate him. Duo was the only one who had ever cared about him so did that mean he should let him do this, not fight it but go along with it? It wouldn't be that bad right? Duo cared about him and wouldn't hurt him he was sure of that so he pushed back his fear and only watched as the other boy removed his own clothing before returning to his mouth.

He kissed him hard and Heero made himself kiss him back even as he felt his hand separate his legs grabbing his hardened member. He gasped at the feel of his warm hand wrapped around it and almost came right then until he felt Duo position himself between his legs lifting his hips slightly while he continued to kiss him. He knew what was coming now but he hadn't even prepared him, hadn't done anything and Heero had never done this before. He wasn't prepared for it at all and tried to move away from his lips to tell him so when he felt a sudden ripping pain between his thighs.

He screamed as he felt Duo enter him and clutched the sheets beneath him as he gasped for breath. Duo wasted no time not caring at all about his comfort or the pain he was in as he started thrusting into him. Each scream that ripped from Heero's throat only seemed to entice him into a further frenzy and the blue eyed boy felt tears fill his eyes and stream down his face as he realized what this was. This wasn't making love, or sex, this was an uncaring fuck with an available body, this was rape.

Duo was raping him but he wouldn't do that, not Duo, not his best friend. Duo cared about him he would never hurt him not without reason so he must have done something to deserve this. Yes that was it he had done something to upset him and now he was being punished for it. He tried to remember what he could have done but the pain was to much for him to think clearly and his throat was going raw with the screams.

Duo continued his thrusting absently pumping Heero's own cock along with his movements and he felt a small wave of pleasure mix with the pain. He felt himself trembling and then he came his semen flooding over the braided boy's hand. Duo seemed not to notice as he continued and then a few minutes later Heero felt him shiver on top of him as he exploded into him and then collapsed on top of him.

For several minutes they lay there panting and unmoving and then Duo struggled off of him sliding out of him. He looked down at Heero for a moment a dark look on his face and then turned away from him crawling off the bed. Heero watched him as he gathered up his clothes and turned to look at him again where lay unable to move from the pain between his thighs. He wanted to tell him he was sorry for whatever he had done but Duo opened his mouth first and he stayed quiet hopping he would tell him everything was all right now and he was sorry he had to be so rough with him.

"You disgust me," He said instead his voice cold and hard as he glared down at him with his beautiful violet eyes and then turned to leave the room. "Little whore."

Heero watched him leave fresh tears coming to his eyes as he curled into a ball on the bed. He could feel the blood and semen running down his legs and staining the bed beneath him and knew Duo was right. He was disgusting and there was no way the other boy could ever care for him. He turned his face into the pillow as Duo slammed the door behind him and cried himself to sleep as he wondered how things could have gone so wrong.

A/N: To all those wondering I don't hate Duo he is actually one of my favorite G boys second only to Heero but this was something I wanted to write so I apologize if I ruined your favorite character. Please, please review and tell me what you think even if you hate it I want to know and especially if you want me to continue it.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing I just like to play with the boys.

Voldyismoldy: Well due to popular demand and my love for my reviewers I have decided to continue this fic. I was actually in sort of a depressed mood when I wrote this on Sunday and just wanted to see if I could write something like this so it is very gratifying to see that I can and that people like it. Please keep reading and reviewing and know since this is going to be a difficult fic for me to write I will not continue it unless I get three or four reviews per chapter. Otherwise enjoy.

Warning: Not a happy fic. Angst, rape, abuse( both mental, emotional and physical), and eating disorders, anger issues (not all in this chapter though, warnings will be given per chapter this is just a general warning). 2x1, 3x4, 5xM(Meilan).

Chapter 1. The morning after.

It was the heat of the sun that awakened Heero the next morning and he winced at the sore stiffness of his lower body as he sat up. He was surprised to find himself naked and didn't remember what had happened the night before until he saw the dried blood and cum on his bed sheets and legs. The sight nearly made him sick and sent fresh tears to his eyes and he had to fight to hold both back.

It had actually happened, he had been raped by Duo! He had hoped it was just a nightmare, that it hadn't actually happened, but it had. But why? Why would Duo do something so horrible to him and what had he done to deserve that. He had to have done something wrong to be punished in such a way and he was determined to ask him what that was so he could apologize for it.

He had been punished many times before of course during his training with Dr. J and the training itself had been far worse than even what he had been through last night but none of those things had ever broken through his shield the way what Duo had done did. He had cried for the first time in his memory last night and lain helpless beneath him while he took out his lust on him unable or unwilling to stop what was being done to him.

Bile rose in his throat again and he fought it back down as he slowly crawled out of the bed and got to his feet. His legs threatened to give out on him and he forced himself to keep standing and to ignore the pain as he stumbled out of the room. He would have to get rid of those sheets before anyone could see them but first he desperately needed a shower, needed to be clean again if he could be.

The snores coming from the room next to his assured him that Duo was still sleeping and he crept quietly past his door and into the bathroom not wanting to wake him. He didn't even wait for the water to warm up all the way to desperate to get clean and in the lukewarm water began to scrub harshly at his skin. He scrubbed and scrubbed until all the blood, cum, sweat, and tears were gone and his skin was pink and raw and scraped by his nails and yet still he felt dirty and unclean. Was he never to feel clean again or was he to be disgusted by himself and the filth that stained his body forever now?

"_You disgust me,"_ Duo's words rang in his ears as harsh and cold as his violet eyes had been the night before. "_Little whore._"

Heero choked back a sob and ducked his head under the water his body trembling. What was wrong with him, he was the perfect soldier, he shouldn't be this weak. But he couldn't help it, it just hurt so much to think of what Duo had done to him and to hear those words spoken with such contempt. It had rocked him to the core and opened up a part of him he hadn't even known still existed until now nor was he sure he liked the fact that it did.

Once he regained control of himself again he turned the water off and got out wrapping a towel around his waist. He returned to his room, relieved by the sound of Duo's snores, and kept his eyes off the bed, the mere sight of it making his face pale. Quickly he dressed in his Preventer uniform, glad it was a work day, work would take his mind off what had happened.

Afterwards he savagely tore the sheets off his bed, including his pillowcase, and bundling them up carried them out to the kitchen where he stuffed them in a garbage bag. Being as quiet as possible he left the apartment with the bag and jogged down to the dumpster at the corner where he tossed it away. No one would look in the bag and that would keep people from asking awkward questions about the bloodied sheets.

Going back inside the apartment he heard the water running and knew Duo was now up and showering. Heero was always up before Duo, even when he was out drinking the night before, so he was usually the one to make breakfast as he did now. He took out some eggs and bread deciding to make omelets and toast. Duo had always had a fondness for his omelets and he was hoping to put him in a good mood with them.

He was flipping one of the omelets over when he felt it, two strong arms wrapping around his waist and tensed afraid of what would happen now. He could feel Duo's warm breath on his neck and was surprised and unnerved when he put his chin on his shoulder. He felt like he should say something but was to afraid to speak as he stared down at the eggs in the pan instead his hand clutching its handle tightly.

"Morning Hee-chan," Duo said softly as he tightened his hold on his waist. His voice was soft and warm entirely different from the way it had been last night. "Yum omelets you know how much I love your omelets."

"Hai," It was all he could think of to say. This affectionate Duo was confusing him and making him feel safe against his will. He couldn't believe that this was the same Duo who had hurt him so badly the night before. "You sleep ok?"

"Yeah, I drank way to much last night," The braided man told him and then kissed his neck right above the spot where he had bitten him last night. "Sorry about last night I didn't mean to be so rough but you were so hot Heero and I just wanted you so bad you know."

"It . . . it's ok," Heero mumbled taking the omelet out of the pan and putting it on a plate along with a buttered piece of bread that he gave to him. "So long as you're not mad at me Duo."

"Mad at you why would I be mad at you?" Duo questioned. Heero turned to look at him incredulously as Duo grinned at him taking the plate eagerly from him and kissing him on the cheek. "I love you Hee-chan I could never be mad at you."

"You . . . you love me?" He began hesitantly caught entirely off guard by his words and felt tears fill his eyes that he had to struggle to hold back. It was what he had always wanted, for Duo to love him, and yet his happiness was tainted by the memory of what had happened the night before. "I. . . I love you too Duo."

"Well that's good since we are together now," the other man said cheerfully looking and acting exactly like the old Duo, the one he had missed for so long, as he kissed him again. "I could never let anyone else ever touch you like that Hee-chan. Only I am allowed to do that."

"Hai," Heero said again and actually smiled as Duo nearly skipped over to the table with his plate and began to eat while he made another omelet for himself.

Duo loved him, that made everything all right didn't it? What had happened last night had been an accident and Duo had apologized for it and he wasn't mad at him after all. Heero felt his chest loosen as some of his fears left him, his smile growing a little. He shouldn't have been so worried, should have known Duo would never hurt him like that, he had just been drunk and lost control but it wouldn't happen again he was sure of that.

Now that they were together Heero could make sure that Duo didn't drink to much and help him deal with the stress from work and the wars they had fought. They would be happy together like Quatre and Trowa and make love the right way and he should have been completely happy at that moment but there was still this strange feeling in the pit of his stomach he couldn't rid himself of. Were things really going to be ok now or was he just fooling himself by believing so and what about what Duo had said to him last night?

He hadn't said anything at all about that. Did that mean he didn't remember that part or hadn't thought anything of it? Should Heero bring it up or leave it alone believing it was just another part of him being drunk and as such nothing for him to worry about? He chewed on his bottom lip as he thought and brought his own food, after turning off the stove, to the table where he sat next to Duo.

He thought he should say something but he didn't want to anger Duo by bringing it up not when he had finally gotten the old Duo back. The cheerful, grinning and always talking one. So he chose to say nothing and nibbled on his food hungry but not hungry as one arm hugged his waist beneath the table where the other couldn't see it.

"What's wrong Hee-chan you seem upset," Duo said as he leaned toward him real concern in his violet eyes or so Heero wanted to believe. "Are you angry with me?"

"No of course not Duo," Heero hastily replied as he deliberately took a large bite of his eggs wanting to show him that everything was all right. "I am just a little tired is all."

"Well I can understand that," The other man said with a chuckle as he stood giving him a quick kiss on the forehead as he picked up his now empty plate. "Just hurry up we need to get to work, you never know Une could actually get mad at us for once if we're late."

Heero smiled knowing as well as he did that Une didn't really care what they did as long as they were there and available for missions. He and Duo had a great deal of freedom and sway being the top agents and all. So he only said "Hai" again and quickly finished his own meal surprised when Duo volunteered to wash the dishes.

After watching him carefully to make sure he didn't break any dishes they grabbed their briefcases and left the apartment. Duo nearly bounced down to the car and moved to climb into the driver seat when Heero stole the keys from him reminding him the last time he had let him drive. They had nearly ended up an in accident and He for one was not going to repeat that experience. Duo pretended to be annoyed but got cheerfully into the passenger seat and Heero drove them to work.

Duo talked during the entire drive bouncing in his seat and Heero smiled relaxing even more. Everything seemed to be back to normal and he was glad. He had missed Duo's insistent talking and ever present grin and hadn't liked the other angry and quiet Duo. He hadn't known how to handle him or make things better but he supposed that whatever had been bothering Duo had been worked out so that it was no longer upsetting him. He just wished he knew what it was so he could avoid it in the future.

The rest of the day Duo was much the same, he teased him like he used to do while they worked on paper work in the office, having no missions to go on. Heero pretended to ignore him while he typed on his laptop like he usually did and twice he gave him quick pecks on the forehead as if determined to prove to Heero that he was truly sorry for what had happened the night before and really loved him.

More and more Heero began to feel like he had been making to much of what had happened and tried to reassure Duo that he wasn't upset about it even going so far as to return one of his kisses, something he had never done before. It felt awkward doing so and as luck would have it one of the secretary's was passing by at the time and saw him doing so making her burst into giggles much to his annoyance. Duo had only laughed and returned to his seat with a smug look at the woman who hurried off still giggling.

"Duo! Heero!" Heero turned his head slightly at the sound of the familiar and excited voice as Quatre strolled into their office followed by a silent Trowa. "Its so good to see you both."

"Hey Q-babe, Tro good to see you too," Duo agreed jumping from his seat to wrap them both in warm hugs. Heero only nodded his head to them with his normal "Hn" greeting before turning back to his computer.

"You seem to be in a good mood today Duo," Quatre said with a bright smile as Duo returned to his seat as well. Trowa moved to lean against the wall while they spoke and Heero typed away at his laptop. " That's a relief since Heero has been so worried about you. Of course he would never say so but I could tell by how often he brought you up when we talked."

"Yeah well I have been a little stressed lately and not my normal bubble self but I am fine now I swear." The braided man replied glancing at Heero who's face was now flushed as he grinned in that "little boy I have a secret" way. "Especially now that me and Hee-chan are together ain't that right Hee-chan."

"Hn," Heero agreed as his face grew redder and Quatre nearly squealed at the news.

"You and Heero are together!" he exclaimed in amazement as both men nodded and even Trowa smiled. "I always knew you two would end up together. Didn't I say they would Trowa?"

"Yes Quatre," the green eyed man agreed quietly as the blonde haired boy jumped on Duo with another hug. "Congratulations you two."

"I just know you two will be as happy as we are and just wait until Wufei finds out he's been waiting as long as we have for you two to finally decide you actually like each other," Quatre told them bouncing over to Heero and wrapping him in a hug as well. Heero surprised actually flinched at his touch as he stopped his typing and immediately wished he hadn't as the other man looked at him in concern. "You all right Heero I didn't hurt you did I?"

"No Quatre I'm fine," Heero replied hoping the blue eyed youth would believe him not wanting to tell him about what had happened the night before. It was better for them not to know. "You just startled me is all."

Quatre frowned staring at him in silence for a moment and Heero ducked his head. The other man was far to good at reading other peoples feelings and his stare was making him uncomfortable. What if he somehow figured out what had happened, what if he could feel it on him, that dirty feeling he still had. Without even realizing he was doing it his arms wrapped around his waist and Quatre gave a small sigh.

"Heero did you and Duo do you know last night?" He asked softly. Heero's face flushed again and silently he nodded feeling the sudden tension in the room and Duo's eyes land on him. "And were you on the bottom?" Again Heero nodded and to his surprise he actually smiled then. "Don't worry Heero it always hurts the first time but it will be better the next time when you and Duo have a bit more experience I promise."

Heero looked up at him in surprise and then glanced at Trowa with a sudden suspicion growing in his mind. Had Trowa done to Quatre what Duo had done to him? Was that how he knew how much it could hurt but he didn't seem like that kind of person of course neither did Duo and he believed that they truly loved each other. It was hard to tell sometimes just which one dominated the other and he had the feeling that they dominated and submitted to each other in a true partnership.

So no Trowa probably hadn't ra . . . hurt Quatre in that way but only in the normal way that two people, especially two males, not used to sex would. He refused to think of what Duo had done to him as rape anymore it was just a moment of out of control passion and nothing more. It made it easier for him to think of it that way but he wondered if Quatre and Trowa would agree with him or be angry if they were to find out. But then who would they be angry at Duo or himself? Who had really been at fault last night, Duo for doing what he had done or Heero for allowing him too. He knew to little about relationships or how they worked to be sure but he had a feeling it was him and he didn't want them to know that.

"Quatre we need to go or don't you remember?" Trowa asked saving him from having to answer the smaller man who turned away from him in surprise.

"Oh yes the meeting I had forgotten thanks for reminding me Trowa," He said looking upset that they had to leave them so soon. "I have a meeting nearby that's why we decided to stop by to see you on the way but we really must go or we will be late."

They said goodbye and left the office quickly after Quatre gave Heero another smile and told him to call him anytime for advice. Heero had agreed to do so and after watching them leave returned to his computer and his paper work. Before he could even get started on it however he felt Duo's arms wrap around his shoulders as he put his chin on his shoulders.

"Hey Hee-chan I really am sorry for the way I have been treating you and for what happened last night but I swear things will be better now you'll see," He told him softly into his ear. Heero only nodded not trusting himself to speak as the man kissed his neck. "How about tonight you and me have a nice dinner and then cuddle up and watch a movie, no sex or anything else that makes you uncomfortable ok."

"Ok," Heero agreed with a small smile. "That sounds. . . nice."

"Great and you'll make that pasta of yours that I like right?" Duo asked startling him with his request. Still he nodded willing to make him anything he wanted. "Awesome and there's a great movie on tonight that I have been dying to see this will be perfect."

Heero smiles grew a little more as Duo let him go and returned to his own work humming softly. He began typing again thinking of what he would make along with the pasta that night and tried to ignore the small voice in his head that wondered why Duo had assumed he would be cooking and why he hadn't told him what the movie was or asked him if it was one he would want to see. He didn't care if he liked the movie or not it was time spent with Duo and he would make him whatever he wanted and willingly cook all of the meals. As long as he was happy that was all that mattered.

A/N: so how did you like? Not to much abuse in this chapter unless you got some of the subtle undertones of dominance and submission between Duo and Heero. I think Quatre was a bit out of character in this chapter but I really didn't know how to do him for this scene. I wanted him bubbly but aware enough to catch some of Heero's discomfort it and misinterpret it a little. Anyway that's chapter one and I hoped you liked it chapter two will be taking a darker tone again so be prepared for it and remember I won't update this fic unless I get three to four reviews so anyone interested in seeing more should review.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing I just like to play with the boys.

Voldyismoldy: ok I know I said I wouldn't update this without a certain amount of reviews but well what can I say when I am inspired to write something I do it and I do know people are reading it so that's good enough for me. However that said I would really appreciate some more reviews as I have never written something like this before and they would be very helpful especially suggestions and constructive criticisms. Otherwise please read and enjoy and review, review, review.

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to Fracturedsouls I am so glad you like this fic please continue to read and review.

Warning: graphic rape scene, physical and emotional abuse, alcoholism, bad language.

Chapter 2. Of Lies and Trust.

For a while it seemed that Duo had been right and everything would be ok. In fact everything seemed nearly perfect to Heero. After his night of passionate abandon Duo had become very sweet and caring, constantly asking how Heero was and telling him how much he really did love him, and Heero soaked it up without a hint of doubt crossing his mind.

It was like a dream for Heero who had never had anyone to care about him before except Odin who had raised him for a few years. He couldn't believe how happy just a smile and a few words from the braided boy could make him or even just a little squeeze of his shoulders that made him smile. If J were to see him now he would be very disappointed in his "perfect soldier" but Heero didn't care the war was over, J was dead, and he was going to indulge in his new emotions

Duo even stopped going out at night instead choosing to spend his time with Heero rather than at the bars. They went out on dates, to the movies or dinner and once even miniature golfing (that Heero had never done before though he was happy to say he trounced the other boy easily). Sometimes they would just stay home and snuggle on the couch while enjoying whatever meal Heero had made and whatever movie Duo had chosen.

It didn't even bother Heero that Duo was the one who always decided what they were going to do and where they were going to go. Or that he always told Heero what kind of food he wanted him to make and choose the movies. Heero just figured he didn't know as much about this stuff as Duo did and that was why he was making the decisions. After all Heero had never been in a relationship before so what did he know about what couples did or how they acted and it made sense to him that one would be more dominate than the other.

Nor did he mind letting Duo be that dominate person in the relationship. He was used to following orders and doing as he was told and it was an easy mind set for him to fall into, comfortable and familiar. Besides as long as Duo was happy and not out drinking all the time he didn't really care what he had to do. He was happy doing things for Duo and Duo was happy with him doing those things so it worked at least in his mind it did.

Maybe if he had actually talked to Quatre or Trowa about their relationship he would have realized something was wrong between them. As it was though he didn't being a naturally quiet and reserved person and not at all comfortable with talking about his personal life or feelings. Besides as they say ignorance is bliss and in this case ignorance was Heero.

Of course its also true what they say that all good things must come to an end. About two weeks after they started dating Duo began showing a sexual interest in Heero again who was reluctant to sleep with Duo again. He allowed the hugging and kissing and even enjoyed them but every time Duo tried to go even a little further he would get uncomfortable and pull away thinking only of how cold and hateful his eyes had been that night and how much it had hurt.

At first Duo respected that and promised not to go any further with him than he wanted to until he was ready. So they merely cuddled and kissed and hugged and Heero was content with it. He needed time to get past that night and what happened before he could think of having a sexual relationship with Duo again and he seemed to understand that.

But as Heero kept pushing away his advances he began to stop trying and grew quiet again. Heero knew he was getting frustrated with him and he tried to make it up to him by necking with him and even offering to give him a blow job but Duo refused. And then about a month after they got together he started going out again and would barely speak to him.

At first Heero decided to say nothing hoping that a night or two out would help to alleviate his anger and frustration. But two nights quickly turned into three and four and then five with him coming home constantly drunk and passing out in his room. Heero was left to eat alone at night the two person meals he would make, always Duo's favorites in the hope that he would join him, and would then sit in the living room for hours waiting for him to come home just to make sure he was all right.

Finally on the six night, after eating a meal of Duo's favorite pasta alone, Heero decided he need to say something. He and Duo needed to talk about what was upsetting him and especially his drinking habits. He knew Duo drank for stress relief but he was still drinking way to much and Heero didn't like it. So that night when he came stumbling into the house at two in the morning Heero spoke up from his place on the couch instead of just letting him disappear into his room.

"Duo," He said quietly looking at the braided man who turned to him with blurry violet eyes that seemed almost surprised to see him there. "We need to talk."

"Sure Hee-chan," Duo slurred walking into the living room and leaning against the arm rest of their blue armchair. "What about?"

"About this Duo," Heero told him seeing the man tense slightly with his words though a drunken grin was still on his face. "About your constant drinking and about why your mad at me."

"What about my drinking Hee-chan?" He asked his voice tight and sharp and he straightened against the chair. "You never had a problem with it before so what's the problem now?"

"The problem is now we're together we weren't before and I don't like it," the blue eyed man replied cautiously as he stood and walked over to him taking his hand. "Please Duo I don't like seeing you coming home drunk all the time and I don't like being left alone every night either. Do you know I made your favorite pasta tonight and you weren't even there to eat it with me."

"Who gives a damn about your stupid pasta Heero," Duo snapped removing his hand from his eyes as he sneered at him. "Or about you being alone. Its always about you isn't, Mr "perfect soldier" always has to be the certain of attention doesn't he?"

"Duo you know that's not true you were always the one who wanted to be the certain of attention," Heero told him matter of factly as the other man frowned but said nothing. "Or don't you remember all the pranks and jokes you used to play on me and the other guys hm."

"I guess your right about that but it's still none of your business if I want to go out with some friends and have a good time," He replied turning away from Heero and moving to head into his room. "I don't want to talk about this right now."

"But Duo we have to talk about this," Heero persisted grabbing his hand again and fighting back a pleased smile when he didn't take it away from him. "I know your angry with me and I am sorry I'm not comfortable with having sex with you yet but this is all still new to me and after that one night it still frightens me a little you just need to give me a little time."

"A little time! Dammit Heero I have given you plenty of time and I have apologized even more for what happened that night when is it going to be enough for you ah?" Duo questioned releasing his hand to grab his shoulders and shake them harshly as Heero bit his lip. "God I'm sorry if I'm not perfect like you, if sometimes my emotions get the better of me, and I make mistakes but how much longer are you going to punish me for it? How long is enough for you or do you just like seeing me suffer. Is that it Heero you just want to see me in pain and know that you're the one causing it? I didn't think even you could be that cruel."

"I'm not trying to punish you Duo I would never do that," he told him wanting very much to get out of the other man's grip as his violet eyes grew darker in the dim light of the living room lamb. He didn't even know why he said what he did next, maybe it was because his eyes looked so much like that night he didn't know, but he said it any way and regretted it. "But God Duo you fucking raped me that night how easy is that to get over do you think."

Smack, his hand flew out and hit Heero hard on the face surprising him as he had some how not seen it coming. He stumbled backward stunned by the blow and looked at Duo who's chest was heaving with rage as he glared at him. He had hit him, Duo had hit him, and he suddenly knew he had done the wrong thing by confronting him that night and wished he could take it back but it was already done and he would just have to deal with what was to happen now.

"Don't you dare accuse me of doing something like that Heero, don't you dare," he seethed his fists clenching as he neared him again. Heero instinctively backed away knowing that a drunk Duo was a strong and dangerous Duo. "I fucking made love to you that night and you call it rape and then you start getting on my case about my drinking habits. Fuck it Yuy you're not my husband and all I fucking want to do is have sex with my lover what the hell is wrong with that."

"Duo please I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that I . . .I know you didn't rape me you would never do that," Heero told him trying to calm him that he could tell instantly wasn't working. He was afraid to use force on the young man knowing that drunk and enraged he was easily as strong as he was and that they could do real damage to each other that he at least didn't want to happen. "Duo you need to calm down, you're drunk otherwise you wouldn't be this upset. Let. . . lets just go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning, see about getting you help and stuff."

It was his fist that caught him this time right on the left side of his face at his eye and he fell with a strangled cry. Before he could even recover from the hit he felt the braided man's hands grab his pajama top twisting the material in his hands as he forced him to his feet to face him. The anger in his eyes shocked Heero and made him tremble involuntarily. Heero had faced down numerous MS and enemy soldiers as well as Wufei, his fellow Gundam pilot, and never had he felt the fear he did now except for that night a month ago.

"I do _not_ have a problem the one with the problem is you Yuy," He snarled bringing him right to his face as he spoke. Heero could feel his eye swelling but that was the least of his worries as he stared into his dark eyes. "I was patient Heero, I waited giving you time to be comfortable with it, I was a fucking perfect boyfriend and you couldn't even do that one thing for me. Well fuck it I am not waiting anymore. I want to fuck my lover and I am sure as hell going to do it."

"D . . . Duo please you promised," Heero told him as the other man started to drag him toward the bedrooms as he struggled to get free of him but Duo's grip was strong and unyielding. "You said things would be better now."

"Things would have been better if you had just been the good lover you were supposed to be Heero," Duo told him shaking him again as the slightly shorter man grunted and grabbed his hands with his own trying to pry them off. "This isn't my fault Heero it's yours, you're the one who has to be so Damn difficult so don't blame this on me."

They struggled with each other for several minutes Duo trying to get him to one of the bedrooms and Heero trying to free himself from the other mans grip. If he could just get away from him and into his room where he could lock the door he would be ok. Duo would give up and go sleep off the alcohol and then they could talk in the morning when he was sober and no longer angry. Yes he just need to get away from him and then everything would be ok but that was not to be as Duo released his shirt with one hand and grabbed something on the table by the chair.

Heero couldn't see what it was and didn't have time brace himself as something hard smashed into the side of his head. He faltered for a moment seeing stars and then slumped onto Duo's chest as he lost consciousness the other man releasing his shirt to take him in his arms as the object, a metal miniature of Wing Zero that Duo had made for Heero, fell on the floor.

"Sorry Heero but you brought this on your self," Duo told the unconscious form in his arms as he started dragging him toward the nearest bedroom, Heero's. "Stubborn bastard you just have to make every thing difficult don't you."

With some difficulty he got the other man into the room and pushed him onto the bed moving him to the center of it. He then quickly undressed him throwing his clothes some where on the ground unnoticed as he drank in the sight of his naked lover. Heero was beautiful and he had been longing to take him again for weeks now. Watching him just to glimpse some of the skin of his chest and abdomen and the curve of his ass. It had been the hardest torture he had ever endured and he was beginning to think it would kill him if he had to wait any longer but now Heero was his again, his to take, to claim and he wasn't going to wait any more.

In eager anticipation he unzipped his pants and slipped them off before climbing on the bed to straddle Heero's hips. The young man groaned at the feel of his weight on him and his eyes flickered open to land on him sitting on top of him. One glance showed him that his clothes had been removed as had Duo's pants and he tensed looking desperately around for some way to get him off him. In the back of his mind Duo admitted in that moment that a part of him liked seeing Heero like this frightened and at his mercy. It was a very heady sight and he felt his member grow hard as he looked at him.

"Duo get off me please," Heero begged as he pulled his hands above his head pinning them there as he squirmed beneath him unaware that he was only increasing Duo's desire to have him with his movements. "Please Duo. . . please."

"No way you little whore I know you want this as much as I do," He told him huskily as he stared down at him with lust filled eyes. Heero froze at his words a look of pain crossing his face. "You just like to tease me don't you, withhold what I want until I can't take it anymore, and then still act like you don't want to give it to me. You're a damn little slut Heero but I am done playing your little game. I want what's mine and I am taking it."

Heero could say nothing as he brought his lips roughly to his and he again tasted the alcohol on them. It was the same as that night, everything was the same, but Duo had promised that it wouldn't happen again, that it was a one time thing. _Please, please not again_, He thought as the man bit his lip and forced his tongue into his mouth. _Let him stop, let him realize what he is doing before it goes to far please oh please don't let it happen again._ But if anyone was listening to his frantic plea they did nothing about it as the kiss continued.

Duo released his arms with one hand that dragged down the length of Heero's body following it with his tongue as he broke off the kiss. He licked at his nipples feeling the other man jerk at his touch and then trailed down to his navel that he dipped his tongue into as his hand continued its decent. Heero whimpered at the feel of his tongue and of his hands fingering his limp cock and balls. He felt it start to stroke him bringing his member unwillingly to life under the feel of his fingers.

"See I knew you wanted it too Heero," Duo told him glancing up at him as his hand moved from his now hardened cock to the area behind it, his entrance. "You just like to play hard to get don't you little whore."

Heero shook his head unable to speak as his words cut into him like a knife. How could Duo say such things about him? How could he think he would want this and like this? Heero hadn't been playing hard to get he was just afraid, afraid of being intimate with Duo, afraid of this happening again. Yes he admitted it now somewhere inside him he had doubted Duo's words and had believed that it could happen again as it now was and that was what had kept him from giving himself to Duo, from trusting him with his body. And he had been right to doubt hadn't he or was it his doubts that had lead to this and not Duo's anger.

If he had trusted Duo and let himself be intimate with him as he had wanted him to would this be happening now or would they instead be making slow passionate love now? Could this really be his fault, had he done something wrong to cause this, led Duo on or something without realizing that he was? Or had he been punishing Duo for what he had done like claimed he had and that was why he had withheld his body from him? Was Heero really that cruel as to punish his lover for something he had apologized numerous times for and drive him to this to get what he should have already had?

"I'm sorry," He said softly though he knew Duo wouldn't hear him as the man moved to part his legs revealing his entrance. "I'm sorry Duo for whatever I did."

"I was going to prepare you this time Heero but I think you like the pain of doing it dry don't you," Duo said without looking at him as he removed his erection from his boxers and positioned himself at his entrance with a smile. "After all you're the great Heero Yuy and you can handle a little pain can't you?"

Without waiting for an answer he brought his lips to his again in a bruising kiss and then impaled Heero with his hardened cock. The blue eyed man screamed against his lips and Duo actually chuckled as he pulled out and then thrust inside him again. He felt it as Duo forced himself deeper and deeper inside him with his thrusts, hard and fast, and kept screaming at the intense pain that filled his body. He didn't know what to do, his mind was in a panic, and all he could feel was the pain as if it had become his whole world, the single point of his existence.

He didn't know how long it lasted and was almost certain he had blacked out at some point only to awaken again to the pain as Duo continued his thrusts. His head was pounding too from the earlier blow and his wrists were being bruised by Duo's grip on them. There was already a bruise forming at his left eye and he could only squint out of it now. Yet still it continued the braided man oblivious to his pain until finally he cried out in pleasure and with a shudder exploded in him before collapsing on him.

"Oh God Heero you are so fucking tight," He panted as he kissed him moving from his mouth to his neck and chest. Heero only fought back tears and remained silent. "I have been waiting way to long for this, don't ever make me wait this long again or it will only cause you more pain all right."

Heero nodded and Duo released his hands and climbed off of him as he slid out of him. He tucked his now limp member back into his boxers and then pulled his pants back on while Heero watched him afraid to move or speak. His body ached and he could feel the blood and seed dripping down his legs again to stain another pair of sheets he would have to throw out in the morning. Instead of leaving Duo moved around the bed and leaned down to look him in the eyes that cold hard look in his violet eyes again.

"You know you brought this on yourself right Heero? This wasn't my fault but yours." The braided man told him and Heero nodded again sure that he was right and it was somehow his fault. "I wanted to be gentle with you and let you enjoy it to but you made me angry and forced me to hurt you. It was you not me and if you try to tell anyone about this, like the guys, they'll just tell you the same thing. They'll blame you for it and say I was right so don't even bother telling them cause it won't do any good. Understand."

"Yes Duo," he nearly whispered knowing he was right and felt something flutter in his chest when the man actually smiled at him. "I'm sorry Duo forgive me."

"Of course love I will always forgive you," Duo said sweetly leaning closer to kiss him again this one a sweet gentle kiss far different from the others. "You're mine Hee-chan, that means I can do whatever I want to you and as long as your good and don't make me angry everything will be fine I promise."

Heero nodded again and Duo, smiling, left the room closing the door behind him. He waited until he heard the door to the room next to his close with a soft bang and then let the tears, that he had been holding back, fall from his eyes. He curled into a ball again wrapping his arms around himself and turned his face into his pillow so that Duo wouldn't hear his sobs and get angry again. He didn't want to be hurt again so he would be good and make sure not to anger the man. He wouldn't say anything when he went out and came home drunk and whenever Duo wanted to be intimate with him he would let him.

He would no longer deny him his body or anything else. That was what you did an a relationship right when you loved someone you gave them everything so that was what he would do. Anything to keep himself from feeling his pain again, this dirty, worthless feeling, that made his skin feel like it was crawling and his chest constrict. Anything not to see Duo's eyes look so cold and hateful and to keep from hearing those words from his lips.

That night Heero laid awake for a long time clutching himself and trembling afraid to move or make a sound unless he woke Duo and made him angry again. He wept into his pillow and finally when he thought he would never sleep he drifted off into the peacefulness of sleep where he could escape into his dreams at least for a little while.

A/N: well this chapter was really hard to write and I know Heero is very ooc in this. In fact there were several times when he sounded like one of those wives worrying about his husband but it was how he needed to be. This is when the abuse and stuff really begins from this point on its only going to get worse for Heero has he goes further into his submissive role and Duo becomes more dominate over him. However I will tell you now I am not into sad fics so if possible I will try my best to give this a happy ending though I guarantee nothing. And please don't flame me for making Duo into a bastard because those will be ignored and laughed at. If you didn't want to see it you shouldn't have read it and I have no tolerance for that. Any way read and review and tell me if it was good or not.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing I just like to play with the boys.

Voldyismoldy: thank you for all the reviews and alerts and hits. Over 700 hits already for only three chapters I am so amazed by how well this story is going and how many people like it. I feed off reviews and the more people who review and alert it the more I want to write it so keep them coming. Now read and enjoy and review, review, review.

Dedication: dedicated to all those reading this fic, that includes you, yes you! Enjoy.

Warning: not actually anything to really warn about this time some emotional abuse and mental turmoil but otherwise not much. Oh and heavy metaphor at the end.

Chapter 3. The Morning After Again

Heero awakened the next morning to eyes heavy with lack of sleep and crusted with the remainder of his tears. His head was pounding and his left eye refused to open completely due to the bruise around it. Touching the sensitive skin sent a hiss from his lips and he decided it would be better to leave it alone.

His pillow was still damp from all of his weeping and he sat up with a groan trying not to move his head or lower body to much. It was incredible sore and each little movement filled him with immense pain. He felt even worse than he had the first time and his chest tightened at the memories of what had happened the night before.

Duo had promised that it wouldn't happen again after the first night, that it had been a mistake, but he had lied. It had happened again and Heero was sure that this would not be the last time it did either. But how could Duo lie to him? Duo didn't lie, not ever, so then why had last night happened?

_Because of you,_ a voice in his mind answered him viciously. _Because you wouldn't do as he wanted and tried to confront him about something that was none of your business. You deserved everything you got and should be glad that he still wants you. You don't deserve him, don't deserve to be loved, and you know that._

Yes the voice was right it had been his fault and he had deserved what had happened to him. Deserved the pain and the abuse and the words Duo had said. He was a whore and a slut toying with Duo, trying to change him, acting like he was better than him when he knew he wasn't. He didn't deserve Duo or anyone else and yet Duo loved him and wanted him. But for how much longer?

What if Duo decided that he didn't really love Heero after all and didn't want him anymore. What if he got tired of dealing with Heero's mistakes, of having to punish him, he would leave him. But Heero didn't want him to leave, didn't want to be alone, so he would have to do whatever he could to keep Duo with him. He would be good and do whatever he was told and he wouldn't complain about anything or try to change Duo. He would just take it and be grateful for whatever he got whether pleasure or pain both were more than what he deserved.

Heero refused to look down at himself not wanting to see the blood and semen that covered his legs and sheets. Instead he forced himself to move and crawled off the bed. His legs shook as he stood and he stumbled out of the room his mind set on only one thing, getting to the shower.

He needed to get cleaned up quickly, get rid of the sheets, and start making breakfast before Duo woke up. He barely made it to the bathroom without falling and as he moved a sharp pain filled his lower abdomen. He winced with each step and forgot to lock the door when he reached the bathroom. Hurriedly he turned the shower on and slipped into the water to scrub his skin raw once more.

But as he stood washing his body the pain in his lower abdomen continued to grow and he gasped as he clutched it dropping the soap and leaning against the shower wall. He could feel something warm and thick drip down the inside of his legs and knew he was bleeding again. Something had been torn inside him and he slid to the floor as fresh tears filled his eyes.

It hurt, God did it hurt, and all of his training hadn't prepared him for this. He knew he was stronger than Duo, could easily kill him if he wanted, and some part if his mind even knew this was wrong what he was doing. His training told him he should fight Duo or at least leave. His instincts screamed of the danger he was in here and that he didn't really need to stay, that he would be fine on his own.

But he ignored them for the first time in his life, pushed them aside, and refused to listen to them. For the other part of his mind, the one that was becoming more human since the war ended, assured him that he did need Duo. That Duo was the only one who cared about him, even loved him, despite the blood that covered his hands, the people he had killed. If he left Duo he would be alone and unwanted and he didn't want that.

He had spent to much of his life alone already and he was determined to stay with Duo. His life had always involved pain of some sort so why should now be any different? Why shouldn't love cause him pain too when everything else had. Besides it was what he deserved for his crimes and the suffering he had caused.

It was his own fault he was in pain anyway. If he hadn't confronted Duo, angering him, and then resisted him then he wouldn't be hurt as he was now. He should have known better after all Dr. J's punishments had always been more severe depending on his mistakes and if he tried to resist them. Obviously Duo would be no different so he would have to try hard not to do as he wanted and not make any mistakes so he would have no reason to hurt him.

A knock on the door jarred him from his thoughts as Duo's voice came from behind it, "Hee-chan you all right in there?"

"I'm f . . .fine," Heero said quickly as he struggled to get to his feet, nearly slipping as his foot hit the shower wall with a dull thud and the pain between his legs intensified briefly, and wondered how long he had been in there.

"Hee-chan I'm coming in ok?" Duo decided opening the door, he had forgotten to lock, before he could stop him to find him halfway between sitting and standing with a thin line of blood dripping from his legs onto the shower floor to mix with water. "Hee-chan you're bleeding."

"I . . . I'm allright," He told him disgusted by the weakness in his own voice and the slight hint of fear as the other man approached him. "I'm sorry if I'm taking to long I'll be out soon."

"It's ok Hee-chan let me help you clean up," The braided man said with a grin as he slipped off his boxers and stepped into the shower with him. "It'll be faster if we shower together anyway and I have always wanted to shower with you Heero."

Heero shivered but nodded and allowed the man to help wash him as the bleeding began to stop and the pain decreased slightly (Heero is a fast healer after all). Duo took out his hair and despite what he had done to him Heero still found it beautiful and was delighted to be able to wash it for him. The time in the shower passed without incident except for Duo stealing a few kisses from him and something rubbing against his thigh that nearly made him jump out though he kept himself from doing so.

When they finished Duo turned off the water and wrapped towels around their waists. He then took Heero's hand and lead him down to his room the blue eyed man tensing in sudden fear. Did Duo want to fuck him now so soon after last night? But the sheets were still dirty and his body was so sore but he wouldn't resist. If Duo wanted to use his body he would let him and just hope it would be more bearable than the last time.

Fortunately that didn't seem to be what he wanted as he left him in the middle of the room and started rummaging through his clothes. Heero watched him wondering what he was looking for and kept his eyes resolutely off his bed. After a few minutes Duo took out some boxer shorts, sweat pants, and an old T-shirt that he tossed at him.

"Here put these on Hee-chan," He told him with a grin. Heero only looked questioningly at him and the clothes he now held.

"Duo it's a work day that means I need my uniform," Heero replied in confusion as the man's grin faltered and he shivered wondering if he had upset him.

"Not today Heero you were bleeding earlier and your eye is still swollen so you're staying home," Duo informed him the grin returning as Heero looked at him in confusion. "Don't worry I'll take care of Une besides I'm sure you have like a ton of sick days so you just get dressed and relax," He paused coming right next to him so his mouth was close to his ear. "And we wouldn't want anyone asking questions about your bruise now would we?"

Heero shook his head quickly and started dressing not liking the idea of staying home but liking the idea of upsetting Duo or answering questions he had no answer to even less. Duo watched him in satisfaction for a moment and then went over to his bed and stripped off the sheets.

"I'll get rid of these," He told him cheerfully as he bundled them up. "You put some new sheets on the bed while I get dressed."

Without another word he bounced out of the room and Heero did as he was told putting fresh sheets on the bed. Leaving the room he found Duo still changing in his and decided to make breakfast. Scrambled eggs and bacon should be good and fairly quick to make. Duo would need to eat fast if he didn't want to be late for work.

He was taking the bacon and eggs out of the fridge when he felt a hand grip his shoulder and knew before he ever rose to look into the dark violet eyes that he had done the wrong thing.

"What are you doing?" Duo asked his face hard and his lips in a tight line. Heero showed him the food items not knowing what he had done. "I didn't tell you to make breakfast Heero I told you to relax why can't you listen?"

"Sorry Duo," Heero mumbled though he still wasn't entirely sure what he was sorry for.

"Just so you know I can make my own breakfast and am perfectly capable of cooking even if you never let me." He said snatching the food out of his hands and closing the fridge door nearly catching his fingers as he did. "Now go sit on the couch and stay out of my way all right."

Heero nodded and the braided man nearly shoved him out of the kitchen. Why had Duo said he never let him cook? He was the one who had wanted Heero to make all the meals. Heero knew perfectly well that the violet eyed man could cook and was fairly good at it but he had never seemed to want to and Heero had never brought it up and now he was mad at him for it. Could he do nothing right or was he always to fail at pleasing him?

He sighed and walked into the living room letting out a soft hiss when his bare foot hit something hard. Kneeling down to look at it he found it was the metal figurine of Wing Zero that Duo had made for him one Christmas. He had made one for each of them including himself and even Wufei had been touched by the gift. Heero had loved his and left it in the living room so that anyone who visited would be able to see and admire it.

Only now it was lying dejected on the living room floor and frowning he picked it up only to find that it was broken. The wings on its back had fallen off when it had dropped and it looked wrong without them. _It can't fly anymore_, Heero thought cradling it in his arms as he walked over to the couch to examine it more closely.

It looked to be a clean break for the left wing but the right one had broken into two pieces and its edges were jagged. It wouldn't be easy to fix but maybe Duo could do it for him or maybe he could figure out some way to put its wings back on. He hated to think of Duo's gift being ruined and knew it would upset the man when he saw it. But how had it ended up broken and on the floor like that. He certainly hadn't touched it and he had made sure it was far enough on the table by the chair that it wouldn't fall off easily. Besides a fall from that height wouldn't have broken it like this.

"See what you made me do Heero," Duo said quietly as he sat down next to him with two plates and took the figurine from him. He looked at him in confusion. "You were struggling so much that I had to knock you out for a bit and this was the only thing close enough that I could use to do it and now it's broken."

Heero looked at Duo in shock his hands clenching slightly. He had used the gift he had made him to knock him out, one of the few things he owned and loved, and it had been broken by being used to hit him in the head. He wanted to be angry at Duo for that but knew it was his fault, he was the one who had resisted and struggled driving him to such measures, and now the figurine had lost its wings.

"C . . . Can you fix it Duo?" He asked looking almost pleadingly at him as the man put the pieces on the coffee table.

"Maybe but it will be hard," the braided man told him as he began to stuff his face with his food. "But if you're good and don't get me mad I will try."

Heero nodded his head vigorously wanting him to fix it and slowly ate his own breakfast not feeling very hungry, besides the eggs were a little runny. When they finished Duo took the plates and disappeared into the kitchen. He reappeared a few minutes later pulling on his jacket and walked back over to him. Heero watched him as he leaned over him putting his hands on his shoulders.

"I'm going to work now and I will be back later. I want you to relax today Heero all right." He told him. Heero nodded not knowing what he was supposed to do for the day, maybe he could go grocery shopping or something, but Duo immediately crushed that idea. "That means no going out or doing anything strenuous but if you are feeling better later you can make dinner tonight or I could get take out if your not I'll call you later to see ok."

"Ok Duo but really I'm all right," Heero agreed reluctantly knowing now that he would soon be seriously bored. "And I can go to work with you if you just give me a minute to get dressed Une will be mad if I don't."

"No! I want you to stay here today and don't argue with me Heero just do what I say for once," Duo said sharply. Heero quickly nodded in fear and he leaned toward him kissing his cheek. "I don't like being mad at you Hee-chan I just want to take care of you do you know how important you are to me? What would happen to me if I lost you?"

"I know Duo I'm sorry," The blue eyed man replied as he stared into the other man's eyes that were so bright and intense with pain and something else. "But I am not going anywhere I promise."

"Good because I have lost everyone else I ever cared about and I can't lose you too, I won't," He told him kissing him again his lips moving to his neck. Heero was surprised when he actually leaned into the kiss but then he had always liked it when Duo kissed him like that soft and sweet. "You're mine Hee-chan, mine and mine alone, and I will never let you go ever."

Heero nodded again and with another kiss Duo got up and grabbing his briefcase left the apartment with a quick smile at him. Heero smiled back but after he closed the door behind him his smile faded as he wrapped his arms around his waist. He should have felt warm and loved at that moment after what Duo had said but if so than why was he trembling instead.

Why was he waiting in dread for the time when Duo would return and felt relieved now that he was gone if Duo loved him so much and he loved Duo. His eyes drifted to the broken figurine that the braided man had left laying dejectedly on the coffee table. It looked so small and weak, so very broken, and Heero strangely felt tears sting his eyes as he looked at it.

_Its been so badly hurt_, he thought as he picked it up to cradle it in his arms again as he curled up on the end of the couch. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night and he was still really tired so he allowed his eyes to close as he clutched the object to him. As he drifted off to sleep he wondered if he would end up just like it broke and dejected or if he already was.

A/N: well there it is another chapter and not to much in this one. Kinda surprised myself expecting it to be darker but trust me it is only just beginning. I hope I stayed pretty close to the characters and that I explained well enough why a strong guy like Heero is able to be dominated by Duo even though he is physically stronger. If not its simply emotional strength, Duo is emotionally more stable than Heero and he is able to use that instability to control him and abuse him. Hope that makes sense if not check out a psychology book. Strangely enough I have never actually taken a psychology class but I know a lot about it at least I think I do. Feel free to tell me that I don't however and please read, enjoy and review, review, review or my muse will die and I won't be able to continue this story.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismodly: wow I am finally updating this fic. Been a while I know but I have been busy and not in the mood for this one. Like I said this a hard fic for me to write but I will try to update more frequently from now on. Thank you to everyone who is waiting patiently for the update and for those of you who have reviewed I much appreciate it.

Warnings: dark, Heero abuse, mentions of non-con, violence and language.

Dedication: this is dedicated to the reviewer who hates my topic but can't stop reading the fic now sorry J. now review and enjoy.

Chapter 5. A Light Growing Dim,

A part of Heero had wanted to believe that things would go back to normal again after that day. That the Duo who had cuddled him and told him how much he loved him would be the one returning to him from work that night but he wasn't. It was the new Duo, the possessive, forceful Duo, that always seemed upset with him.

Heero tried hard over the next few weeks to make Duo completely happy. He cooked and cleaned, did the laundry and everything else he wanted him to do. When he came to him at night or even during the day Heero didn't resist him and it became a little easier over time to accept him inside him though he never fully enjoyed it.

When they were outside of the apartment Heero became even more withdrawn than he had been before not wanting to upset Duo who seemed to get jealous at the mere thought of him speaking to another or anyone looking at him. He spoke little at work and kept his eyes down glued to his feet except when he spoke to Une or was sent on missions in which he still took charge.

No one seemed to notice the difference in his behavior no one having really paid much attention to him with his cold indifferent exterior. There were some who thought he was good looking but none had ever deemed him approachable and now that he was Duo's no one would dare try to flirt with him or really even talk with him. So they left him alone not one wondering why he was so quiet or pale or why he suddenly started wearing long sleeve shirts under his jacket even with summer still raging.

Duo had figured out early on that he needed to stay away from Heero's face when he was upset with him though his head still managed to carry some bumps and bruises hidden beneath his hair. Une had not been at all happy when Duo had told her Heero was sick and would not be in for three more days knowing full well that the ex-pilot never got sick but had let it slide after he had promised Heero wouldn't do it again.

So now he covered his numerous bruises and scraps that littered his arms and legs with his shirts, jacket and pants. He forced himself not to show any discomfort in his movements or when someone would actually touch him and brush across one of them. His bottom was always sore and it was sometimes painful for him to sit but he never made any complaints knowing it would upset Duo.

He had always been quiet, trained to keep his pain from showing on his features to act as if he had no emotions, and he found himself calling on those skills more and more. Skills he had hoped to never have to use again after the war, that he hoped to put aside so he could show the human heart he still had buried beneath them. But that was not to be he still had to be the soldier at least when he was around others but when he was alone he could let the tears fall and feel the ache in his heart as he wondered what had happened to Duo to make him treat him this way.

Part of him knew this wasn't how a relationship was supposed to be even though he had never been in one before. That this wasn't how Trowa and Quatre or Wufei and Merien treated each other at least he didn't think it was. But the other part kept reminding him that he deserved what he got and that he wasn't like the others, that he had the blood of hundreds on his hands, and was the cause of his own pain.

If he didn't anger Duo all the time then he wouldn't be hurt the way he was and wouldn't constantly need to be punished. But he couldn't seem to keep from messing up no matter how hard he would try. Before he had been perfect, the perfect soldier, but now he was far from it or so it would seem. He would drop things sometimes or make the wrong foods or not do the laundry fast enough or forget to go grocery shopping. Sometimes on missions Duo would claim he was being too reckless or would get annoyed when he didn't want him to do something he thought would endanger the mission with his usual unpredictability.

Then there were his friends. At first he only went to the clubs with them or out places that Heero was never invited to and he would spend hours waiting for him to come home. He couldn't sleep when he wasn't there always afraid he would come home drunk and take him not that he could really sleep when he was there either. He couldn't sleep in his bed at all anymore and when he did sleep it was usually on the couch with his Wing figurine, still broken, clutched to his chest.

But then sometimes Duo started bringing them home with him. There were five in all, all men, and Heero didn't like any of them or the way they looked at him. They watched him as he moved around serving them snacks and drinks as Duo wanted him to and constantly undressing him with their eyes making him feel even dirtier and more worthless than he already did. He was only glad that Duo was to possessive of him to let them have a go as several had hinted at wanting to though he did nothing to stop their flirting and found it funny even though he found it humiliating.

If not for his desire to keep Duo happy he would have knocked one or more of them out a couple times by now but he refrained from doing so afraid of being hurt himself. Instead he endured the thinly veiled hints and discreet touches to his ass and thighs. He was always relieved when they left though by then Duo was usually so drunk and horny that he would carry him into his bedroom and screw him for the rest of the night leaving him to get up early the next morning to clean the mess from the night before before he could see it and get upset.

Heero had tried once more to talk to Duo about his drinking and his friends, this time when he was sober, and it had not gone well. He had accused Heero of being a baby for complaining about his friends and the way they flirted with him and then had got so angry with his comments about his drinking that he had taken off his belt and struck him on his arms and legs several times with it before dragging him into the room and fucking him till he blacked out.

He had decided then to never question or complain to him again about anything. He was still afraid Duo would get bored with him one day and decide to leave him something that despite all he was being put through he didn't want to happen. He still had it firmly implanted in his head that it was better to suffer as he was than to be alone as he was before. Being alone was how both Odin and J had gotten their hands on him and he wouldn't allow that to happen again. At least with Duo he had a home and someone to belong too at least for now.

So he worked hard to take care of Duo's needs, slept little, and suffered in silence with no one the wiser. With no one wondering why he sometimes nodded off at his desk or why his reports were sometimes slow and he seemed overly tired after missions. Not even Wufei seemed to have noticed what was going on with his friends and Trowa and Quatre were so busy and rarely at Perventers headquarters to see what was happening with Heero and their ignorance only allowed it to continue and worsen.

Then several things happened one after the other that forced Heero out of his silence and revealed the full existent of his suffering. The first event happened in mid October when Heero was alone in the office Duo having gone off to find some way to entertain himself having gotten bored with paperwork. He was sitting at his desk working on a report he was supposed to have done by yesterday when he heard a familiar screech that made him gulp.

"Heeeeeeroooooooo!" Relena came bouncing into the office dressed in a pink dress with her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Heero sighed as he turned in his chair to face her. "It is so good to see you Heero."

"Hello Relena," Heero replied patiently. She really wasn't that bad anymore now that she had given up on him but she was still far to energetic for his taste. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you Heero I hardly ever get to Earth any more and I couldn't pass up this chance to say hello," The girl said brightly as she smiled at him and leaned in to wrap her arms around him in a hug not failing to notice his flinch and the in drawing of breath. "Heero you all right? I didn't hurt you did I? You do look a little pale."

"I'm fine Relena," He told her trying not to show how much pain he felt as her arms pressed onto the fresh bruises Duo had given him two nights ago. "Just please let me go."

"Yes Relena let him go now," A voice growled near them. Heero's face paled as Relena released him in surprise and he found Duo standing in the door way glaring at them. "And just what is this all about?"

"Oh hi Duo I was just coming to see you and Heero," Relena told him struggling to keep smiling and not show how unnerved she was by the look in the braided man's eyes. "I hope you are well"

"I'm fine and so is Heero so stop draping yourself all over him its disgusting." He told her walking over to stand in front of the other man as if staking his claim. Heero said nothing knowing he was already going to be in trouble when they got home and not wanting to add to it. "Don't you have anything better to do then to harass my boyfriend."

"I wasn't harassing him Duo it was just a hug," The girl told him confused by his reaction to her and even more so by Heero's silence. Usually he would have been growling at the other man by then to lay off but instead he was just sitting there with his eyes low and shadowed by his messy hair. "Heero are you sure you're all right? You're not sick or something are you?"

"No he isn't sick and he is fine now back off," Duo snapped without looking at the other man who almost seemed to tremble at the tone of his voice but that couldn't be because Relena had never seen Heero tremble before or show any kind of fear and he certainly couldn't be afraid of Duo though if she was truthful with herself she would have to admit that she was just a little right now. "Why don't you go buy something pink or something and leave us alone princess you aren't wanted here."

"Very well if your sure you want me to go," Relena agreed speaking to Duo but looking at Heero who only nodded silently without looking at her. "Take care of yourself then Heero, bye Duo."

She stared at him for a moment longer frowning and then without another word left the room leaving Heero to deal with his angry lover alone. He watched her leave wishing he could have told her to stay and was caught completely by surprise by the man's hand smacking him across the face. He stared up at him one hand on his cheek in disbelief not having expected him to hit him at work but then the door was closed and no one would bother them unless necessary so maybe he wasn't afraid of anyone coming in and seeing them.

"What the hell was that?" Duo demanded his voice a low almost animal like growl as he glared at him. "How could you let Relena hug you you're mine and no one touches what's mine without my permission."

"Sorry Duo but it was just a hug," Heero said softly turning back to his report surprised and relieved when he let him. "It won't happen again and you didn't have to be so cruel to Relena she didn't mean anything by it."

"I can't stand that girl and all that pink she wears and I can't stand her touching you," the braided man told him leaning close to his ear, his breath warm against his skin making him shiver with a rarely seen and felt desire. "You'll have to be punished for this tonight Heero you know that don't you?"

Heero nodded silently whatever desire he felt for Duo leaving him instantly and with a soft chuckle the man returned to his desk. Heero stared at his computer screen without seeing it dreading the night to come and not even wanting to imagine the punishment he would receive for allowing Relena to touch him. He barely managed to finish his report and turn it into Une before he left with Duo that night and sat in silence during the entire drive home.

That night Heero was given several new bruises on his stomach, chest and legs and a sprained wrist. He took his punishment without complaint and then quickly made dinner before tending to his wounds. He moved on automatic doing what was needed without thinking or feeling afraid that if he did either it would be to much for him and he would break down only adding to Duo's anger and his punishment.

After dinner Duo dragged Heero into his bedroom and fucked him numerous times until he was satisfied and his anger and lust were spent. It was always Heero's room they used never Duo's and always when he was done Duo would tell him it was his fault he had been so rough and that he was nothing but a whore and slut before leaving the room. Heero would lay for hours crying and trembling in the mess they had made until he would finally fall into blessed unconsciousness where for a little while he could escape the pain that had become his body.

XeXeXeXeXeXeX

While Heero received his beating for the night Relena was sitting in her hotel room deep in thought with a dark frown crossing her face. Her thoughts were on her meeting with Heero and Duo that afternoon and Heero's strange behavier. Something definitely wasn't right without had happened that day and with how the cobalt eyed man had acted.

She had never seen Heero like that almost timid and afraid and closing in on himself when Duo had shown up. He had never shown fear of him or anyone else before and had never allowed Duo to be so cruel to her either. Before he would have snapped at the man and told him to leave her alone but now he seemed afraid to even speak and that just wasn't right.

Sighing she made up her mind and turned on the vidphone dialing a familiar number. She had to do something about this, to reassure herself that he was all right, but she knew confronting them would do no good. Heero wouldn't tell her anything and Duo wouldn't let him or say anything himself so it was time to take more drastic measures.

After two rings the phone was picked up by a sleepy looking brown haired green eyed man. His hair was in disarray revealing his usually hidden eye and he blinked as he looked at her still not fully awake. She had forgotten how late it was on the colony where they were and smiled apologetically at him.

"Hello Trowa sorry to wake you," Relena told him. The man ran his hand through his hair and nodded accepting her apology as silent as Heero though for different reasons. "Can I speak to Quatre please?"

"Its late Relena can it wait till tomorrow?" He asked glancing behind him was companion certainly lay still sleeping or trying to. She shook her head still looking apologitic and he sighed. "That important ah?"

Relena nodded and he turned away from her to wake up his lover. There was a muffled complaint from said person and then he turned back to her with another moving next to him. The blonde boy blinked rubbing his eyes and then smiled at her though it looked somewhat forced.

"Miss Relena Hello," he yawned leaning against the taller man as he slowly moved into full wakefulness. "What do you need to talk to me about?"

"Heero," She said simply and got both of their attention as they became fully alert as all the boys did whenever they feared one of them was in trouble. "There is something wrong with him Quatre."

"Wrong?" Quatre asked his smile turning into a frown as Trowa wrapped one arm around his shoulders. "What is it and why do you think something is wrong with him? He seemed fine the last time we saw him in fact he and Duo had just gotten together the night before and they were both happy."

"I don't know what has happened but I went to see him today and he acted very strangely." Relena told them her face darkening as she remembered what had happened earlier that day. "He flinched when I touched him and hissed as if in pain and then when Duo came in he became very quiet, even more than usual, and seemed almost afraid to say anything and Duo very rudely told me to leave with him not saying a word about it."

"That doesn't sound like Heero to me," Trowa said quietly as Quatre nodded in thought. "Maybe we should talk to them see what is going on?"

"That's why I called I know they won't talk to me but I thought they might talk to you especially Quatre," Relena agreed somewhat amused that it was Trowa the one who hardly spoke that suggested they should talk to their friends. "You know no one can lie to him and with your space heart you maybe able to sense what is wrong with Heero."

"Yes I would be the best one for this I think," Quatre agreed with a heavy sigh a slight shine to his blue eyes. "I had hopped they would make each other happy as Trowa and I are but that doesn't seem to be what has happened."

"We don't know that for sure they could just be having some problems right now love that they need our help to work through," Trowa told him reassuringly. Relena nodded though she didn't look anywhere near as sure as he did. "Thank you for telling us this Relena we will see what we can do to help them."

"Good I hope I am just over reacting and everything is all right but I am just worried," she replied with a grateful smile as she seemed to relax slightly. "I am sorry I woke you and I hope we will get to see each other again soon goodnight."

"Goodnight miss Relena," Quatre said as the screen on the phone went blank as she hung up and he sighed leaning more heavily against Trowa. "What do you think could be wrong with them love?"

"I don't know but we will figure it out," Trowa told him confidently as he held the smaller man tightly in his arms. He frowned after a moment a thought coming to him. "Quatre we're not due back on Earth for another month you know with all of your meetings and I think this is something better done in person than over the phone which means we won't be able to talk to them until then."

"That's a long time to wait especially if something is really wrong between them but I don't want to cancel all of those meetings if its just a simple misunderstanding or something easily taken care of," the blonde boy mussed thoughtfully. They were both silent for a few minutes and then he smiled. "Wufei should be back from his mission soon and we can send him to see them. He should be able to tell if its really serious or not and if it is then we will return to Earth right away to take care of it and if its not then we can wait until we return at the end of the month to see them."

"I'll contact Wufei tomorrow and tell him about what happened. He should be able to determine if its serious enough for us to come back right away or not without upsetting them I hope he is not exactly the most subtle person." The banged boy agreed. Quatre nodded and then with a squeak he was pulled back down onto the bed by him a smile coming over his face. "For now lets get some sleep love. You tired me out tonight little one with how needy you are."

Quatre giggled and with a kiss to his cheek snuggled up next to the taller boy who kept his arms wrapped around him. He wanted to believe that Heero and Duo were as happy as they were and in their apartment falling asleep together after a passionate night of love making but he feared they weren't. If only he knew that at that moment Duo was sleeping soundly in his bed after several rounds of fucking Heero while the other boy was lying curled up in his bed unable to sleep from the pain and loneliness he felt. If he had known he may have grabbed Trowa out of the bed and rushed to the space port in order to return to the Earth right then but he didn't and only fell asleep next to his love oblivious to the suffering of the one he called his friend.

A/N: ah poor Heero I make him suffer so. Again I am sorry for the long wait and I hoped you liked this chapter. If you did then review, review, review. The next few chapters will show Heero's condition continually weakening and Wufei's attempt to discover what is going on until Quatre and Trowa return. Can they save their friend from their other friend or is it already to late. Read to find out.

This leads me to my dilema. I have several ways to continue this story but I want your input on what should happen and how it should go.

1. Duo is redeemed and gets help for his problem allowing him and Heero to have a real relationship together.

2. Heero decides to leave Duo with the help of his friends and finds love with another.

3. Heero refuses to leave Duo and is eventually beaten to death by him.

4. Heero decides he can't take it anymore and commits suicide.

5. Heero leaves Duo and Duo realizing his mistakes commits suicide out of despair.

6. Both Heero and Duo commit suicide for reasons relating to each other.

7. Duo refuses to admit he has a problem and spends the rest of his life drinking and partying with his 'friends' until his tragic death while Heero makes a new life for himself and never thinks of him again.

So please tell me which one you would like to see. Send your vote in a review or a personal message and which ever one gets the most votes I will do. It is up to you whether this story ends tragically or happily so let me know or I may end up killing the character you like most even Heero cries at the thought but will do as the readers want


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: wow I got so many reviews and suggestions and votes for the last chapter. The response was amazing and I thank you all for them and that you like this story so much. I think I have decided the way the story is going to go and due to popular demand I can assure at least that it won't be a death fic though their maybe some suicide attempts. For anything else you will just have to wait and see and of course keep reviewing.

In response to the reviewer who said Heero needs to get a back bone its true to a certain extent. However he does have one just not with Duo as will be shown later. As a person who has suffered from abuse I know how difficult it is to stand up to your abuser so even though Heero may seem weak and timid he really isn't he is just to afraid to stand up to Duo the one who has been abusing him so don't be to hard on him. Oh and don't worry I am not in this kind of a relationship at all in fact I am not in one at all right now so no worries anyway onto the chapter.

Warning: references to abuse, eating disorders, and Wufei (not sure why I am warning about that but what the heck).

Chapter 6. Attempting to Help.

Things became a little better after Relena's disastrous visit since she didn't come back and Heero was careful not to mention her in front of Duo though he did call her early the next morning before he woke up to apologize to her and assure her that everything was fine. He had the distinct feeling that she didn't believe him but since she didn't appear again he put her from his mind and hoped she would let them be.

He certainly didn't want to be caught between her and Duo again and had made the man's favorite breakfast that morning to appease him. Duo had been very happy with him and had even given him gentle kiss on his cheek before they left for work. That night they watched a movie together for the first time in weeks and cuddled on the couch like they used to. He didn't even take him that night and for once Heero was able to sleep after only a few hours of laying awake wondering if he would come for him after all.

The next few days passed much the same and a strange calm seemed to have come over them. It made Heero nervous and unsure wondering just what Duo was doing and why he had gone back to his kinder and more gentle ways. He hoped it would last yet feared that it wouldn't and felt his hope fade almost as soon as it began to grow again.

Then a few days after Relena came to see them Heero saw Duo with one of the rookie agents in the hall, a thin, brown haired boy with green eyes that was decidedly attractive. Neither one saw him as he watched them from around the corner and his heart nearly broke when he saw the braided man caress the others cheek and then lean down to whisper something to him. The other smiled, eyes sparkling, and then nodded in answer to whatever he had said.

Heero didn't want to see anymore after that and quickly returned to their office after dropping off his report with Une. He didn't say a word about it and neither did Duo but that night he left work early and told Heero he wouldn't be home until late and not to wait up for him. Heero had nodded silently and returned home alone to eat a small dinner and then curl up on the couch with his wing figurine where he eventually fell asleep wondering what he had done to make Duo go to that other man.

He had done everything he could to make Duo happy and content with him but it didn't seem to be enough. What had he done wrong, had he made too many mistakes, angered him to many times or was he just losing interest in him and wanted someone else. But Heero couldn't let that happen, he had no one besides Duo, who else would want him if he didn't anymore. He would be alone again and unloved and he didn't want that.

He would have to try harder to keep Duo with him yet he didn't know what else he could do. What he hadn't already done until the next day at lunch when he was sitting in the cafeteria. He had gotten a hamburger and fries with a soda for lunch wanting something quick though usually he would have gone for something more healthy.

When Duo walked past him, having finished his own lunch, and made the comment that "He had better watch what he ate or he was going to get fat" Heero knew what he had done and needed to do. Usually he would have ignored that kind of comment coming from Duo, the junk food king, but the image of the thin brown haired boy from yesterday kept pushing its way into his head until he was convinced that what Duo had said was true.

He was getting fat and that was why Duo was losing interest in him. During the war he had been on a strict diet given to him by Dr. J but after the war he had given up the diet for the most part and started experimenting with foods to see what he did and didn't like. But he had obviously made a mistake doing that and he would have to return to that diet and lose what weight he had gained in order to keep Duo with him.

He started that every night eating little of the dinner he had made for him and Duo, who actually eat with him that night. Duo didn't seem to notice his sudden lack of appetite and said nothing about it. Over the next few days Heero started eating less and less sometimes even skipping meals altogether in order to return to the thinness he had during the war in order to please Duo. Yet every time he looked in the mirror at himself he never seemed to have lost any weight and always seemed so much heavier than the boy he had seen Duo with. So kept dieting even though he knew it was dangerous for him to do so.

His lack of eating combined with his lack of sleep left him in a constant haze that made it hard for him to concentrate. Yet he kept it hidden beneath his cold mask and no one seemed to notice even Duo who was with him most often. In fact no one would have known anything was going on at all if it wasn't for the mission he and Duo were sent on a few weeks after Relena had come to see them. Wufei had wanted to see them as well but Duo kept postponing their get together and then the mission had come up.

It was an easy mission, one they had done numerous times before, infiltrate the enemy hideout, get the needed information, and get out. They were investigating a supposed drug dealer and they got in without incident. There were three others with them including the rookie Heero had seen Duo with. Everything was going smoothly, Duo had gotten the info they needed and he and the rookie were heading back to the other two waiting in a van a few miles away, Heero was following closely keeping a close eye out for any guards when he felt suddenly dizzy.

He hadn't had breakfast that morning and lunch had been skipped as they went out on the mission before that time. The last thing he had eaten was a few bites of the meal he had made for Duo the night before and that had been after skipping lunch and eating a Nutrigrain bar for breakfast. Now it appeared to be catching up to him as he felt weak and stumbled as he followed the other two. He remained quiet not wanting to alert the other two to his problem and forced himself to keep going and his mind to focus.

He heard it then movement behind them and turned to find two armed men entering the hallway they were vacating. Duo and the rookie hadn't noticed them yet and he opened his mouth to warn them but no sound came out as his vision blurred and he fell to his knees as shots rang out behind them. He saw the rookie get hit and Duo spin around aiming at the two men with a gun that had suddenly appeared in his hand. Three more shots rang out, one from them that caught Heero on the shoulder and two from Duo that took the two men down.

Duo then knelt beside the rookie putting his gun away and looked at him in disbelief obviously not understanding why he hadn't warned them or taken down the men himself. That was all Heero saw as the pain in his arm overwhelmed him and he slumped into unconsciousness as Duo radioed in for help.

XeXeXeXeXeXe

Heero groaned as he opened his eyes and found himself in a white room that he knew instantly belonged in a hospital. There was no one else in the room that he could see and he was torn between relief and disappointment that Duo wasn't there. Relief because he knew the man would be angry with him for what had happened and he couldn't take another beating right now and disappointment because it would have shown the man still cared for him and he knew that if he wasn't here than he was with the rookie.

He sighed and took in his surroundings taking note of the I.V in his right wrist and the soreness of his left shoulder that had been wrapped in bandages. He remembered then the built that had hit him there and wondered how long he had been out. From the half closed blinds on the window he could see that it was dark out but then it had been when they were on the mission so that told him little. It could have been a few hours or even over a day and he had no way of knowing.

He turned his head slightly at a sound at the door and watched as Sally and Wufei walked into the room. They looked surprised to see him awake and Heero gave no form of greeting as they walked up to his bed, Sally holding onto a chart in one hand. She smiled at him once she got over her surprise and Wufei only frowned though Heero could see the concern in his eyes.

"Heero I am glad to see you awake. You've been sleeping for the last 48 hours and we were beginning to wonder when you were going to wake up," Sally told him glancing at his chart as he only grunted in response to her words though he was some what surprised to find that he had slept for so long. A minor injury like this shouldn't have kept him out for so long. "You'll be happy to know that your wound isn't serious and we were able to remove the bullet without much difficulty. You have also been put on some pain medication which is why you shouldn't be feeling any pain now you aren't are you?

"No pain just some soreness," Heero replied with a soft groan. Sally nodded satisfied with his answer and he asked the question he dreaded the answer too. "How are Duo and the rookie?"

"Duo is fine no injuries and the rookie Josh only got grazed on the leg both are fine," Sally told him and he saw it then a look of unease that passed between her and the other man that made him suspicious. "I sent both home yesterday. You're the only one who got seriously injured besides the two men Duo took down."

"So then why isn't he here?" He asked. If the rookie was relatively uninjured then why would he be with him instead of with Heero? Did he truly not love him anymore? "Is he with the rookie?" (he couldn't bring himself to say the boys name).

"No he is waiting outside," Wufei told him after exchanging another look with the woman that made Heero even more suspicious and uneasy. "We told him to wait there because we wanted to speak with you first."

"Why?" his eyes narrowed as he looked at his two friends questioningly.

"Because Duo said you collapsed right before the attack and failed to warn them about the two guards behind them. He said the three of you were attacked and injured due to your negligence and that isn't like you Yuy." his fellow ex-pilot replied. Heero frowned but said nothing having nothing to say as he continued. "What's going on Yuy are you sick or something? What happened during the mission?"

"I'm not sick Wufei and I don't know what happened I just felt suddenly dizzy," Heero explained not wanting to have this conversation and wondering why Duo couldn't be a part of it. "I haven't been sleeping well, nightmares, and I didn't eat breakfast that morning because I was running late which was obviously not a good thing for me to do."

"No it wasn't, how long have you been having problems sleeping Heero?" Sally asked. The blue eyed man only shrugged not sure how long it had been since he had been able to sleep well not counting the last two days. "Well I could put you on some sleeping pills to help with that and it might be good to put you on some anti-depressants to and I will tell Duo to make sure you eat from now on."

Heero only nodded knowing better than to argue with the woman. He was actually glad to have the sleeping pills hoping they would help but he didn't think he needed the anti-depressants and he doubted Duo would do much about his eating habits since he hadn't even noticed his lack of eating. Still he trusted Sally and would let her perscribe anything she wanted for him that she believed he needed.

"Sally I would like to speak to Yuy alone please," Wufei said suddenly surprising them both. Sally hesitated for a moment and then with a smile at Heero left the room leaving them alone. Heero looked at the man without speaking wondering what he wanted now. "Heero I want to talk to you about you and Duo, Relena told Quatre and Trowa about what happened when she came to see you and they told me and wanted me to see if everything was ok between you too. Is it?"

"Everything's fine Chang Duo was just in a bad mood that day," Heero told him quickly glad that it had been nearly a week since his last beating and his bruises had a chance to heal before the medical team could see them. "I even called her the next day and apologized for what happened so there is nothing to be concerned about."

"I don't believe that Heero you're not acting like yourself," The Chinese man replied crossing his arms over his chest as he frowned down at him. "We all have nightmares and I am not surprised by that but your lack of sleep and skipping a meal shouldn't have affected you this greatly. We were soldiers and there were numerous times when we had to go without eating or sleeping to complete a mission and it never once affected your abilities even if it may have expected some of ours so there is more going on then just that what is it?"

"Perhaps its that I am not the soldier I once was anymore Chang. Maybe my body can no longer deal with lack of sleep or food the way it used to," He said glaring at the man in annoyance that had no effect on him though it had once put fear into the hearts of his enemies. "Or maybe its that I chose to give up that mask I hid behind in order to be human and allow myself to show how those things really effected me. I am not the perfect soldier anymore Wufei and if that upsets you than I am sorry."

"That's not what I meant Heero and I believe its good that you let down that soldiers mask," the ex-pilot told him lowering his arms as he put his hand on his shoulder being careful of his wound. "I know we haven't spent much time together Heero and we weren't always friends during the war but I hope you can consider me a friend now and that you know you can talk to me if you need to about anything."

Heero stared at him torn between wanting to tell him what was really going on and wanting to keep it a secret as he had until then. He remembered what Duo had told him about how their friends would believe it was Heero's fault and that it wouldn't do any good to tell them and he knew Duo wouldn't lie. He couldn't bare to see his few other friends turn away from him or tell him that Duo was right and he deserved everything he got as he was sure they would and so thought it better to remain silent rather than risk losing Wufei and the others.

The man was about to speak again when the door was suddenly thrown open and Duo stormed into the room. His braid whipped around behind him and there was a dark look on his face that made Heero pale with fear he struggled to hide as he came over to the bed where Wufei was standing.

"Heero what the hell why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well," he demanded much to the other man's surprise who only stared at him wide eyed. "If I had known I would have told Une not to put you on the mission and sent you home. But instead you went on a mission you knew you weren't up to completing and endangered us all."

"I'm sorry Duo I didn't know it was that bad. I thought I was all right," Heero told him. Duo's hands were now on his hips and he was looking at him in concern. "I'll tell you next time if I am not feeling well."

"Damn right you will but there won't be a next time not for a while anyway," Duo replied ignoring Wufei as he took Heero's hand in his. "Your staying home from now on until I decide that your fit to work again. Sally told me about how she has decided to put you on sleeping pills and anti-depressants and its obvious that you are to stressed out from work and its affecting your health so no job for awhile"

"Duo that's a little extreme don't you think?" Wufei spoke up before Heero could say anything though he was into much shock to do so. "You can't tell Heero whether he can work or not and the Perventers need Yuy. He's to valuable to us to lose."

"Can it Wu-man I don't care about the Perventers and what they need I only care about Heero," He told him his grip on Heero's hand tightening with each word he spoke until it was almost painful though he made no move to free himself from him. "He's my lover and I want to make sure he is taking care of himself so he is going to be staying home. I already talked to Une and she agreed since she doesn't want him to endanger any more missions so there is nothing to discuss."

"That's fine Duo I don't mind staying home if that is what you want," Heero told him wanting to calm him down as Wufei frowned but reluctantly gave in knowing there was nothing he could do about it. "But really I am ok."

"This wound says otherwise as does Josh's," Duo replied loosening his grip on his hand slightly as his anger dissipated. "Both of you could have been killed Heero and then where would I be. I told you I can't lose you did you not believe me?"

"Of course I believe you Duo," Heero said quickly. As Wufei decided to leave the room muttering a goodbye to them both with a pointed look at Heero that clearly told him this wasn't over. "I'm sorry I worried you but I'm fine."

"I wasn't that worried you're Heero Yuy after all and a simple shoulder wound wouldn't do you much harm," The braided man replied with a grin. The goofy, cheerful grin he hadn't seen on his face in far to long. "I am just glad that you're awake now so I can take you home. It's awfully lonely there without you."

Heero forced himself to smile at the look he saw in Duo's eyes and said nothing as he left to get the doctor so that he could be discharged. Two hours later he was leaving the hospital with Duo and three prescriptions in his lap, one for sleeping, one for depression and one for the pain in his shoulder. When they got home Duo sent him straight to bed since it was already late at night and after taking one of his new pills Heero fell right to sleep for the first time in months.

The next morning Duo brought him breakfast in bed and then insisted on helping him to the bathroom and in the shower. Heero allowed him to help him enjoying being taken care of instead of being hurt. He knew it wouldn't last and that has soon as he was recovered enough to start doing things again Duo would probably return to the way he had been but he would enjoy it for as long as it lasted. The feeling of being loved and wanted even if it was only temporary.

A/N: so good bad? I think Heero was sort of ooc in this chapter and I am not sure I captured Wufei very well either but he was never one of my favorite characters and he is just so hard to do with his justice rants and stuff. I didn't want him to find out what was going on either yet not until Quatre and Trowa return but he is suspicious and what is going to happen to Heero now that he is stuck in the apartment with Duo? Keep reading to find out. Thanks again for all the great reviews and suggestions and keep them coming.


	7. Chapter 7

_Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay_

_Voldyismoldy: I am absolutely thrilled by how many people like this fic. I started this fic one day because I was depressed and wanted to see if I could write something like this and because I was sick of all the bastardized Heero stories and I never imagined it would take off like this. Thank you so much to those of you reading this fic, alerting it and favoriting it and especially reviewing it and please keep it up. This fic is for you._

_Warning: abuse, non-con, language, and ignorant friends._

_Chapter 7. To Break apart. _

_The caring, loving worried Duo remind for two weeks while Heero recovered from his injury. Being a fast healer it didn't take long for him to recover from the slight wound and he was disappointed when he did. He had enjoyed having the kind, gentle Duo taking care of him and staying by his side when he wasn't at work. The Duo that didn't insist on him doing everything or using his body whenever he wanted to with no regards to his feelings._

_For the first time he was able to sleep without fear and had little use for the sleeping pills though he kept them close. The pain pills he kept near him also and after they ran out he hacked into the pharmaceutical database and made it so that he had unlimited refills knowing they would come in handy after the beatings started again. He took the anti-depressants only at Duo's insistence and wasn't sure if they really did anything for him but he supposed they didn't hurt. (no offense to anyone taking anti-depressants my sister was on some once and they didn't seem to do anything for her which is where this is from). _

_Duo refused to allow Heero to return to work and insisted that he stay home even after he had recovered from his wound stating that he still needed time to catch up on sleep and eating. Yet Heero had not gone off his diet and Duo still seemed not to notice how little he ate or how he would sometimes stare at himself in the mirror in his room after taking a shower and be discouraged by what he saw._

_He couldn't keep the other man, Josh the rookie, out of his mind and was sure that he still wasn't as thin as he was or as he once was. It didn't help that the man had returned to work almost right away and that he and Duo had lunch together often and the braided man talked about him a lot. Heero was now certain that Duo was going to leave him for Josh and was more determined than before to not let that happen._

_When he had asked Duo about him and whether he liked Josh more than him now the beatings had begun again. Duo had become enraged that Heero would even think that he would ever leave him for someone else and that he and Josh were just friends but at least he didn't demand all his attention and insist he take care of him. Heero hadn't even tried to argue that he didn't want all of his attention all of the time and that the only reason he was taking care of him was because he had hurt his shoulder. _

_After that Heero had returned to doing the cooking and cleaning and had agreed to remain at home to make the man happy. He never asked about Josh again and only listened silently when he spoke of him. Once Duo considered him healed enough he took him to bed again and though it was less painful this time Heero still didn't enjoy it much. _

_Things returned to the way they had been quickly enough and as he had suspected the sleeping pills and pain pills were very helpful. It got to the point where he couldn't sleep well without one of the pills and the pain pills he took every morning to dull the pain from the beatings and fucking the night before._

_Wufei tried again to talk to Duo about what was going on but the braided man insisted everything was fine between him and Heero and talking to Heero was no better. Whenever he called Heero said he was fine and enjoyed staying at home and taking care of Duo. That he didn't miss his job at all and there was nothing to be concerned about. The Chinese man didn't believe it for a second and told Quatre and Trowa so who also tried to get in contact with the two of them having finally returned to Earth._

_Every time they called them or came to Duo at work to talk about them the man would come home in a rage and take it out on Heero. He made him call each of them and insist that he was fine and happy. Heero didn't see any of them for weeks until one day when he was out grocery shopping and they spotted him from a restaurant they were sitting outside of having lunch. The three of them insisted he join them and wanting to see them he agreed glad there were no bruises on his face for them to see._

"_Heero I am so glad we saw you," Quatre exclaimed happily sitting him down next to him and gesturing for the waiter to take his order. "It has been months since the last time we got together how are you?"_

"_I'm fine Quatre," Heero told him ordering only a salad from the man and ignoring the looks the others gave him at how little he was eating. "I had lunch at the apartment earlier so I'm not that hungry."_

_None of them looked convinced by his words but they didn't argue about it and the four friends began to talk about what was going on in their lives. The conversation kept moving back to Heero which he didn't fail to notice and he answered all of their questions without giving anything away of what was really going on. Everything went fine until Duo showed up with Josh and seeing Heero pulled him away from their friends claiming he needed him. _

_Duo insisted that Heero get what he came for and return to the apartment and Heero agreed not wanting to anger him. He said goodbye to his friends and then got the food stuff he needed before returning to the apartment never noticing the looks the three of them were giving him and Duo. They were all certain now that something was indeed going on with the two friends and that they would need to get Heero alone in order to find out what that was they just weren't certain how yet but they spent the rest of lunch trying to come up with a plan to do so._

_After that day Duo told Heero that he was not allowed to leave the apartment without his permission and that he wasn't allowed to let anyone in either. Heero was to remain there and do the cooking and cleaning while Duo would work and support him. Heero agreed reluctantly and then made the mistake of asking about him and Josh having lunch which lead to another beating and painful fucking that night that left him bleeding and reaching for his pills in order to sleep and escape the pain._

_Now stuck in the apartment Duo no longer had to worry about people seeing Heero's face and could strike him wherever he wanted without fear of anyone finding out. None of their friends called again or bothered Duo and Heero believed that they thought nothing was wrong and he was now stuck with Duo. He could no longer defend himself against him his lack of eating and sleeping having decreased his strength to a dangerous existent and still nothing changed._

_And then one night it all came crashing down. Duo was having a party with his friends as he had done several times before. The five men had not been detered at all in their flirting with Heero and even his glare had weakened with his declining health. He gave them food and drinks just as he did whenever they came over and ignored their hands groping his ass and thighs praying for the time when they would leave. He was only glad that Josh wasn't there to see him like this, he didn't want his competition to see him so weak. _

_Then Duo did something he had never done before when he had his friends over he left to get more beer leaving Heero alone with his very drunk friends. Heero excused himself and went into the kitchen wanting to stay away from them until Duo got back but that was not to be. The biggest of the men grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him into his lap wrapping his other arm around him to keep him there. Heero struggled and demanded the man release him but he refused and then laughing starting making lewd comments about him to his friends._

_Heero could have survived if that was all they did, sitting on the man's lap was embarrassing and uncomfortable but nothing that bad and Duo would be back soon removing him from him. But they then got the idea in their heads that this was their chance to see what was so good about him, what Duo liked so much that they wouldn't let them touch. As the men rose to take him into one of the bedrooms Heero started yelling and struggling hoping someone would hear him or that Duo would come back before they could do anything. _

_(warning graphic scene coming up containing gang rape if you are uncomfortable with this don't read and skip to the end of the chapter otherwise enjoy thank you)._

_However that didn't happen and they got him into his bedroom despite his struggling. One of the men gabbed Duo's handcuffs and chained him to the headboard of his bed with them while another stuck some cloth into his mouth to gag him and muffle his screams. Heero could do nothing except kick and wriggle as they tore off his clothes to leave him lying naked on the bed. For sometime they only stared at him the big one holding down his legs to keep him from curling up in an attempt to hide his body and then had a quick argument about who would be first. The argument lasted for only a few minutes and then it was decided what order they would go in as they stared at him with lust filled eyes that sent him shivering and cringing away from them._

_One by one they took him thrusting in and out of him with no concern for him or the pain he was in. Heero screamed against the gag as each one took him until his screams turned into whimpers and pleas to stop that they paid no heed to even if they could understand him. Tears filled his eyes and streamed down his face as they released inside of him staining the bed with his blood and their semen. He thought it would never end and longed to die and then Duo finally returned just as the last man was finishing with him._

_He stared at them all in disbelief and disgust and Heero cringed when the violet eyes fell on him. He was holding a pack of beer in his hand that fell from his grip as his face clouded with rage and he yelled at them to get out. The five men left the room immediately and Duo took one last look at him and left the room as well. _

_It was then that Heero remembered he was chained to the bed and that he couldn't get off it unless someone released him. He heard yelling coming from outside the room and waited for Duo to finish telling his friends off and come back to him. He was disgusted by what had happened and felt filthy and used but at least Duo would get rid of them and then take care of him. He would let him go and then tend his wounds all the while apologizing to him for what his former friends had done to him and promise never to see them again._

_But when Duo finally returned to him after he heard the front door open and close as his friends left the anger was still on his face. He glared at Heero with the same disgust he had before and his face paled as wondered why he was so angry with him when it was his friends that had rapped him. _

"_I can't believe you Heero, they were my friends and you just had to have them fuck you," He snarled to the blue eyed man's shock as he tried to argue against the gag in his mouth with no success. "What I wasn't good enough for you? You don't like the way we have sex so you had to try out my friends too? I trusted you, loved you and you did this?_

_Heero's eyes were wide with shock as he struggled against the chains and made muffled protests against the cloth in his mouth. How could Duo think that, that he would want this, that he would want anyone to touch him besides him. His friends must have lied to him and made him think that this was Heero's idea. But it wasn't and he had to make him see that but the braided man seemed not to want to release him as he only watched him struggle in vain._

"_Don't bother to deny it Heero I already heard it all from my friends. About how you came onto them and asked them to bind you and then fuck you. I guess you get off on this kind of thing ah," The man snarled glaring down at him. Heero shook his head desperately not knowing how the man could believe that, that he would think so little of him. "You really are a little whore aren't you Heero. Just a damn slut who wants to be fucked by whoever wants to do the fucking and you took advantage of my trust in order to get what you wanted. I have never been so hurt or felt so betrayed and I am not sure I can get past this."_

_Heero slumped back onto the bed giving up his struggle as he realized there was nothing he could do. Unless Duo choose to release him there was no way he could defend himself and he was uncertain that even if he did it would do any good. Duo seemed determined to believe his friends over him and Heero wasn't sure there was anything he could say to convince him of the truth._

_Tears filled his eyes again and streamed down his face as he stared pleadingly at braided man. For several minutes they only stared at each other and then with a sneer of disgust Duo turned to leave the room. Heero realizing he was going to leave him their gagged and handcuffed to the bed starting struggling again and begging him to release him through the cloth not wanting to be left like that. At first it didn't seem to do anything and then Duo stopped and looked back at him again and he nearly smiled in relief._

"_I am not letting you go Heero since you like to be like that I going to leave you there for the rest of the night," Duo told him his eyes dark and cold as Heero stopped his movements in shock and disbelief. "and we will discuss this more tomorrow Heero, you know you will have to be punished for this severally punished."_

_Without another word Duo left the room as Heero watched him unable to stop his tears or to comprehend all that had happened. He had been rapped by the other man's friends and some how it was his fault? He had wanted it and now he was to be left here chained and gagged for the entire night until the next morning when Duo would punish him for what was done to him._

_It wasn't right he had done nothing to deserve this and yet he could do nothing to stop it. Before when he had been the perfect soldier or even a few months ago he would have been able to break these chains easily and free himself. But now he no longer had the strength and he could only lay there cold and naked on a blood and semen soaked bed while he waited for his punishment for he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. _

_As he lay there he sobbed and whimpered not caring about how much noise he made or if he woke Duo up. What did it matter if he beat him now or later he would still end with new bruises and scars to hide or worse and he no longer cared. His heart shattered in his chest as he lay there more alone than he had ever been in his life and more hopeless too._

_In that moment as he lay there his face turned toward the pillow and his sobs muffled by the gag that was now soaked with his tears the person that was once the perfect soldier and Heero Yuy broke. There was nothing left of him now but a broken and empty shell of the man he had once been._

_For nearly all his life he had been a soldier who was more a machine than a man mindlessly killing and willing to sacrifice his own life. Then for a few months he had been able to become a person who thought and felt, who had someone who loved them and wanted them and who he loved and wanted in return. But now he was neither of those things he was dead, his body would go on, endure what it had to as he had always been taught, but his mind and heart were now locked so deep within him that they could no longer be touched no matter how much his body was put through. _

_He remained awake for the whole night unable to sleep and the next morning when Duo released him he said nothing. Duo told him to take a shower and he did, he told him to make breakfast and he obeyed all without speaking. He cleaned himself with the hot water though he knew he would never truly be clean again and he ate nothing the very sight of food disgusting him._

_He listened silently as Duo raged at him and threw insult after insult at him. He took the beating he gave him without protest and didn't even flinch when he felt his nose break and some of his ribs crack and bruise. He watched impassively as the man left for work and he dressed and tore off his sheets not even bothering to put new ones on knowing he would never be able to sleep on that bed again. The very sight of it sent bile to his throat and he had to force it back down._

_He grabbed his pain killers and took three of them though he was only supposed to take two and started on his chores. He ate nothing for lunch having no appetite and by the time Duo returned home he had dinner waiting on the table for him. Duo chatted gaily as they ate or at least he ate while Heero only sat there head bowed and eyes low. He didn't resist when Duo took him that night even though he was still sore and it hurt terrible and said nothing when he left him on the bed. _

_He did nothing except pull on a pair of sweats and tank top and grabbing his pills went out to the couch. He plopped several more pains into his mouth and two of his sleeping pills and then curled up on the side of the couch to get what sleep he could. Apart of him new that it would be far to easy to overdoes on those pills and make it so that he would never wake up again but he couldn't bring himself to do it at least not yet. Some small part of him was still clinging to the hope that he could be loved and wanted by Duo and it was that part that kept him for now from going to the death he so very much wanted._

_A/N: you probably all hate me now for what I did to Heero but let me assure that this chapter is the worst one and that things will start to get better for Heero and worse for Duo from now on. Of course you probably want me to kill Duo now to for him allowing that to happen Heero and then believing his friends over him. Please don't be to mad and keep reviewing and if people really hate this scene I will take it out and think of something else to put in its place. Also I know this was a shorter chapter but I really couldn't think of anything else to put and I thought this was a good place to end it so hope you enjoyed._


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: I was so excited by all the reviews and alerts I got that I decided to update again twice in one week. I am so glad none of you hate me for what I did to Heero in the last chapter and that your still reading. I am really surprised that I haven't gotten any flames and I am glad I haven't. One reviewer asked how thin Heero was now since he was already pretty thin to begin with, good question, basically he is anerexic now so think bones visible through skin and little energy. I was debating about making him bulimic but the thought of actually making yourself throw up just grosses me out (no offense to anyone who is bulimic) so I made him anerexic instead plus its seems more like what he would do. Anyway on with the chapter and hope you enjoy and please review, review, review. Oh and I apologize for the underlining in the last chapter my computer was acting weird but I will try not to let that happen again.

Warning: language, mentions of abuse, very ooc Heero, and friends to the rescue (not really needed for that but why not)

Chapter 8. Escape at Last?

Trowa frowned thoughtfully as he drove the ten miles from Quatre's mansion to the apartment Duo and Heero shared. Over the last few weeks he, Quatre and Wufei had been observing their two friends, or really Duo since Heero hadn't been seen since the short lunch they had, with a growing concern. Something was most definitely wrong and the one time they had seen Heero he had appeared far to thin and lacking in sleep with dark circles under his eyes.

The encounter with him had left Quatre shaken and clutching at his shirt above his left breast. They had decided then that they needed to get Heero away from Duo and alone with them if they were to get the truth and had been watching for an opportunity ever since. It soon became apparent to them though that Heero was no longer leaving the apartment and that if they were going to talk to him they would have to go to him instead of trying to get him to come to them.

So it had been decided that Trowa would go over to their apartment while Duo was at work and try to talk to him. Trowa had been picked because they had decided he was the less threatening of the three of them and the one Heero was most likely to talk to. Quatre was just to emotional to deal with whatever was going on without getting upset and Wufei had already tried and failed to get him to talk to him.

Trowa fervently hopped that Heero and Duo were just having a fight that could be easily solved but he knew deep down that it was more than that, much more. Heero had seemed so defeated when he had left them that day after talking to Duo and resigned as well and he had never seen him like that before. The hopelessness and pain in his eyes had shocked him and the only time he could ever remember seeing such in him was when he had gone to the families of the victims of the plane he had destroyed by accident during the war and when he had self-destructed his Gundam.

Trowa's grip on the steering wheel of his car tightened as he came up to the apartment building and pulled into the parking lot luckily finding a spot right in front of their apartment. Quickly he got out and made his way up to the stairs leading to their number when he was stopped by an older woman coming out of her apartment on the bottom floor.

"Excuse me young man are you a friend of those two boys in 234?" she asked Trowa who stopped from where he stood half way up the stairs and nodded in slight surprise. "Which one are you here to see? The one who is always grinning or the other one, the shy one?"

"The shy one Heero," He answered without thinking not sure why he was talking to this woman but thinking that maybe she could give him some information on them. "Do you know my friends well ma'm?"

"Oh not well but I have seen them a lot though lately I haven't seen the shy one. A nice looking young man he is and very quiet not like his roommate. A bit loud that one but still nice," The woman told him in concern as she glanced up at the apartment door. She was silent for a moment chewing on her lip as she seemed to come to a decision before speaking again. "I do hope he is all right I have been a bit worried about him have you talked to him lately?"

"No that's why I'm here I wanted to see him," Trowa replied feeling suddenly ill at ease that this woman who barely knew Heero was still this concerned about him. "Why are you worried about him did something happen?"

"Well I'm not sure really, a few nights ago the braided one had some of his friends over. He does it a lot really, have friends over, and they are sometimes loud and they obviously drink a lot but they have never really bothered anyone so I don't mind them," She told him. Realizing that she was rambling a bit she hurried on at the look on his face pulling at her sweater a little as she spoke. "But that night I heard yelling and it sounded a bit like, Heero did you say his name was, and I got worried but it grew quiet again within a few minutes and then not much later the other one came home so I thought everything was fine but I haven't seen Heero and I just have this feeling that something might be wrong with him. He was very thin the last time I saw him which is why I made him some cookies." She held up a small plate with some cookies on it. " I was going to bring these up to him before I left but since you're here you can do it and do tell him that I hope he is all right and he is always welcome with me and Arthur he should just come over whenever he likes."

"I'll tell him ma'm and give him the cookies and thank you for telling me that. I'll make sure everything is all right with him," Trowa promised taking the plate from her. She smiled at him and then continued on her way and he went up the rest of the stairs to knock on the door. "Heero it's me Trowa open the door."

He received no answer however and knocked again louder this time and calling for him to answer the door. Still he got no answer and for a moment he thought that perhaps Heero wasn't there and had actually gone out but then his ears, made keener by the years of training and fighting he had been through, picked up on some noise inside the apartment. It was the muffled sound of footsteps, he was almost sure, and they were moving away from the door. But why were they? Why wouldn't Heero want to open the door for him?

Now certain something was indeed wrong with his friend and determined to get inside and see him one way or another he put the plate of cookies on the stair rail and took out his lock picking tools. Though not as good as Duo at picking locks he was still good at it and within a number of minutes he had the door unlocked and grabbing the cookies went inside. What he found was a nearly spotless apartment and no sign of Heero.

"Heero where are you I know you are here?" He asked walking into the kitchen. It was

empty and after putting the cookies on the table he turned toward the hallway and headed down to the rooms. "Heero I came to see how you are. Your neighbor said she was worried about you and had me bring up some cookies, you want one?"

The apartment was silent around him but he was sure he heard some movement in one of the rooms as he walked down the hall. Passing the living room he saw the broken Wing Zero figurine on the coffee table where it seemed to have been hurriedly placed the couch cushions slightly out of place. His unease grew as he turned away from it and was now certain that Heero was here and had just been sitting on the couch which meant that for some strange reason he was hiding from him, but why?

He checked the bathroom first hoping vainly that he had just gone in there and hadn't heard him but it was empty dashing that hope. The room next to it was Duo's and empty as well at least as far as he could tell from the mess in it so he went on to the next one which should be Heero's. It was neat and clean the only thing odd about it was the missing sheets and blankets on the bed. Nearing it he saw a stain near the middle that looked disturbingly like old blood and his face paled as he wondered where it had come from.

On the dresser were three bottles of pills, one for sleeping, one for depression and one for pain. Wufei had told them about the medication Sally had put Heero on after his injury and Trowa thought nothing of them until he remembered that it had been several weeks since then and Heero should no longer be on the pain meds. His injury should have healed completely by now and if that were the case why was he still taking the pain medication and had obviously made it so he had refills in order to still have them since he wasn't supposed to.

But why had he gone through all that trouble to still have them and what was going on that he would feel he needed them. In his mind Trowa was beginning to come to some very disturbing conclusions from the pills and the blood like stain on the bed. Could what was going on between him and Duo be even worse than what they had thought? Had they come to some physical altercation or something that had ended with injuries for Heero? Duo didn't appear to have any injuries and Heero was stronger than the braided man so if he was hurt during whatever had happened Duo should have been too so what exactly was going on here?

The room appeared empty as well and he was just about to leave when he heard the strangest sound yet, something that seemed almost like a whimper coming from the closet. In trepidation, almost afraid of what he would see, he went over to the closet and slide the door open gasping at what he saw within it.

Curled in the corner of the closet like a frightened child was Heero. His legs had been pulled up to his chest and his arms encircled them keeping them close. His head was bowed low over them and he refused to look at him as Trowa stared down at him. He wore a pair of sweat pants, socks and a sweatshirt that even in the position he was in seemed far to big for him and he was trembling visibly.

Slowly so as not to frighten him even more Trowa knelt in front of him and reached out to touch his arm in what he hoped was a comforting way. The young man tensed at his touch and his head sprang up a wild and panicked look in his eyes that were far too wide. His face was pale and littered with bruises and his nose seemed out of place. For a moment he seemed not to know him and then slowly recognition filled his eyes and he relaxed slightly though he remained curled where he sat.

"Trowa you shouldn't be here," He said softly his throat sounded hoarse as if he hadn't used it in a while. Trowa frowned but said nothing not liking at all what he was seeing. "I am not supposed to let anyone in the apartment Duo will be mad when he sees you here."

"Duo? Is he the one who did this to you Heero?" The banged man asked though he already knew the answer and didn't need it which Heero didn't give. He only sat there staring at him and trembling his eyes darting back and forth from him to the door and back again as if he was expecting the other man to walk in at any moment and find them there. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner Heero and that I didn't know about this but I know now and you are coming with me."

"No I can't Duo will be mad if I leave without asking him first," Heero told him shaking his head as his voice rose slightly in hysteria. "You should go now I'm fine don't worry about me."

"You are not fine Heero and I don't care if Duo will be mad I'm not leaving you here like this," Trowa replied. He rummaged through the closet and found a duffle bag that he quickly started filling with his clothes to take with them. "Come on Heero tell me what you want to take with you."

The man however said nothing and refused to move shaking his head and lowering his eyes though they still darted every once in a while to the door. Trowa frowned as he looked down at him pausing in his work. This was not the Heero he knew, the confident and seemingly untouchable soldier who had survived numerous torture sessions, injuries, and even self-destructing his gundam and saving the world twice, this was a Heero that was nothing more than a terrified child who didn't want to be hurt anymore and he wondered what Duo had done to bring him to this point.

"Listen to me Heero I won't let Duo hurt you and we will be gone before he gets back I promise," Trowa told him moving from the closet to the dresser and taking some clothes from there to as well as the pills. The youth still didn't move and he sighed and left the room going back into the bathroom.

He would leave Heero there until he finished packing up his stuff and then come back for him he needed a chance to calm down and figure things out. Quickly he grabbed his things from the bathroom easily telling his toothbrush and things apart from Duo's. He took his wing figurine as well putting the broken parts in a plastic bag so as not to lose them. He used another one for the cookies not wanting to leave them there for Duo who didn't deserve them and then returned to the room.

He was pleased and relieved to find that Heero was no longer curled up in the closet but was now standing in the middle of the room his arms hugging himself still trembling quite visibly. He was as far away from the bed as he could get and was keeping his eyes determinedly away from it as he waited for him. Trowa smiled at him though now that he was standing he looked even worse and the clothes he wore looked even bigger on him than they had when he was sitting.

"You all right Heero?" He asked moving towards him. The other man nodded but as he neared him he wavered suddenly on his feet and his eyes started to close. Trowa barely caught him as he fell toward him dropping the bag to free his other arm. "Heero . . . Heero?!"

The young man had fainted and Trowa's one visible eye darkened as he took him in his arms and bent down to grab the bag again. He was so light he barely felt his weight in his arms and he knew Heero had never felt this light before. He had to have lost a great deal of weight to be this light and chewing worriedly on his lip he carefully carried him out of the room and down the hall. He was almost glad he had fainted for he thought it would be easier to get him out of the apartment this way.

Conscious Heero may have been to terrified to leave the apartment with him at least this way he could get him out without a struggle. Gently he carried the man out of the apartment closing the door behind him but not bothering to lock it again. Let Duo think whatever he wanted about it, maybe he would even be worried about Heero though with the way he seemed to have been treating him he doubted it. He was glad he had been able to park so close and got Heero into the car with only miner difficulty, strapping him in, and throwing the bag on the floor before closing the door carefully.

Getting in the other side Trowa glanced at the other man to find him still unconscious and slumped against the door of the car. Seeing him like that made him feel even more grateful that he had been the one to come to him. If Quatre were to have seen him in the apartment like that he would have burst into tears and been unable to keep himself calm enough to help their friend. Wufei would have gone off on some rant about the injustice of whatever was done to Heero and terrified him even more. He would never have been able to get the young man out of the closet in his current state and it seemed that Trowa had been the right one to come all along.

Quickly he started the car and within a half hour was pulling up to Quatre's mansion through the gate that enclosed it. He drove right up to the steps leading to the door and stopped just as the blonde man followed by Wufei came out of the building. They both stopped at the sight of Heero still slumped against the door in unconsciousness and Quatre's face paled as his hand clutched the cloth above his heart again.

Without looking at either one of them Trowa got out of the car and moved around to the other side taking Heero into his arms as gently as possible so as not to wake him. Wufei came out of his shock then and moved forward to take the bag off the floor before he closed the door and the three of them went inside the silence deafening as two of them tried to think of something to say.

"Trowa what . . . What happened?" Quatre asked at last as he lead them down to one of the guests rooms where they could put their injured friend. "Is. . . Is he ok?"

"No he's not and I am not sure. I found him like this at the apartment or more accurately I found him curled up in the closet of his room shaking and terrified and then he fainted so of course I decided to bring him here." Trowa told him them his voice low and calm as Heero moaned softly in his arms. He was hoping to get the other man in a bed before he woke up where he would probably feel safer than in his arms. "Wufei you had better call for Sally he needs to be seen by a doctor. I don't know what could be hiding under these clothes."

Wufei nodded still to stunned to speak and after they entered one of the rooms and he put the bag down he left again taking out his cellphone to call the woman. Together Quatre and Trowa got Heero into the bed covering him with the blankets. Trowa could see the despair and guilt in the other's blue eyes but his concern now was for Heero not his lover so he said nothing. Once they had Heero settled they left the room to let him sleep and wait for Sally to arrive. Wufei was already sitting in the living room waiting for them and the two of them sat down near him as he and Quatre turned to Trowa with expectant eyes.

"Trowa tell us everything that happened when you went to see Heero," Wufei said his voice surprisingly soft despite his obvious anger at his friends condition. Trowa was surprised even more when he called the man by his first name since he usually addressed him as Yui. "And everything you suspect has been happening too."

Trowa nodded and began to relate everything he had learned and seen in the apartment and with Heero. He told them about their neighbor and what she had told him and her concern for Heero. How he had to break in and then search for Heero to find him hiding in the closet. About the pain pills he was still taking and the stain on the bed that looked like blood and how he had decided at once to bring there friend there and then how he had fainted.

"Oh God its worse then I ever thought," Quatre said mournfully when he finished his story and sat back on the couch his arms crossing over his chest. "How could we not have known about this? Why didn't Heero tell us? He's so thin and pale, oh God."

"Damn it I knew there was more going on when I talked to him in the hospital. I knew there was something seriously wrong between them," Wufei growled his fists clenched on his lap as he glared down at them. "I should have tried harder to get Heero to talk, should have taken him away but I never thought . . . I never would have believed, damn Maxwell if he were here right now I'd kill him."

"We don't know anything for sure yet," Trowa said softly and knew instantly it was the wrong to say as both his companions turned incredulous looks on him. "Its possible it was someone else who caused this or even himself though how Duo wouldn't notice that . . ."

"No it was him, Maxwell, I know it was he was acting so damn possessive at the hospital and Heero was just letting him do whatever he wanted and agreeing to everything," the Chinese man replied hitting his fist on the armrest of the chair he sat in an anger and disgust. "Heero was never like that before obedient to the mission yes but never so passive, never so willing to just give in to someone else and only Duo could do that to him. Only another Gundam pilot could have the strength to break Heero like that he was to strong for anyone else. Damn I should have known, I should have . . ."

"We all should have but we didn't want to. We didn't want to know something like this, didn't want to see it, so we kept making ourselves believe it wasn't that serious, just simple relationship problems and nothing else," The banged man told them with a soft sigh filled with regret. The other two men nodded silently knowing he was right. "But now we know and now we have seen it and it is far more serious than we ever thought so now we have to figure out what we are going to do about this, about Heero _and_ Duo."

Both Quatre and Wufei nodded silently and their thoughts turned to the young man sleeping in the room just down the hall. Each imagined what he must have gone through with no real idea of the true extent of what had been done to their friend by their other friend. They would have to do something about both, would have to care for Heero and fix whatever was broken in him and would have to figure out what was wrong with Duo and what had caused him to do what he had to someone he claimed he loved. For now though they would have to wait for Sally to come to find out the full extent of Heero's injuries and would learn far more about what had happened to their friend than they would have ever wanted to.

A/N: see told you things would get better sort of anyway don't you love me now? So yes the abuse is finally found out though not all of it and Heero has been taken away from Duo. But what's Duo going to do when he finds out Heero is gone and what are the guys going to do about Heero and Duo. Can Heero be fixed and will Duo ever realize what a jerk he's been to his love you'll have to keep reading to find out cause I ain't telling. Warning though there will be more angst and suffering and Heero is going to be very ooc for a while so if you don't like it sorry but this is him for now.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: thank you for all of the wonderful reviews and alerts and favorites and everything else. A special thanks to Missoreo for their reviews of this story without which I may not have updated. Long story short I had a friend of mine look at this story and tell me it was crap up to chapter 8 and was beginning to doubt how good this story was until I got all of those reviews from them. So now I am ready to continue writing this story and this chapter is dedicated to Missoreo I am so glad you like this story and my other one and please keep reviewing they keep me going.

Warning: mentions rape, nightmares, mentions of abuse. (this chapter is a tear jerker so have your tissues ready folks and enjoy).

Chapter 9. Who can you Trust.

Heero was wandering through nothingness not knowing where he was or how he had come to be there. Flashes of his life appeared as he walked, his times spent with Odin and the training with Dr. J. The childhood that had never actually been one filled with such horrors and pain that no child should ever have to feel or see. He saw it all, the training in weapons, the experiments, the killing of his emotions one by one until nothing was left of him but an obedient tool that saw no value in anything even his own life.

The first time he had met Duo standing on that dock as he shot at him to protect Relena from him. When he had saved him from the hospital that idiotic grin he had grown to love on his face. The guilt of knowing he had destroyed a shuttle carrying the worlds pacifist's in it and the pain of self-destructing his Gundam and putting his life in the hands of the victims families. His final battle with Zechs and destroying Libra and the war with Marimaiea that had nearly taken his life as well.

The pain he felt when he saw his friends coming together, Trowa and Quatre, Wufei and Merian, and knowing he couldn't have the same with Duo only to find out he could. The Joy he had felt when Duo had asked him to share an apartment with him that had too quickly turned to horror and pain when he took him that first night.

He saw it again the abuse he had suffered at the hands of the man he loved. Saw the beatings and the rapping's and heard his words of disgust and hate. Saw himself as he cringed and flinched every time someone tried to touch him. Saw as he got thinner and thinner as he refused to eat and refused to believe that was him. That he had become this thing he saw so beaten and broken and afraid. He had survived so much and yet none of it mattered as the bruises speckled his body that was torn and ripped apart by the lust of a man who had no concern for him.

He faltered in his steps as the memories came back, everything he had tired to block out and ignore suddenly returning to him. He trembled and tears ran down his face that he could no longer hold back. Then something grabbed him from behind and he tensed as he heard familiar sounding laughter in his ears. Whatever it was was to strong for him and wouldn't let him go as he struggled against them.

He squirmed and yelled begging it to let him go and then felt himself being forced down onto something soft beneath him. He froze then knowing what was going to happen now as he was held down and dark shapes formed around him, shapes that slowly became more and more familiar to him as they came closer to him.

His struggling increased as he recognized them as Duo's friends, the ones who had done the thing he couldn't even give thought too to him. He stared at them in horror and squirmed in the arms of the one who was holding him not wanting it to happen again, what he knew would happen if he didn't get away, but there was nothing he could do as his arms were lifted above his head and locked into cold steel to keep him trapped there.

The nothingness turned into his room at the apartment he shared with Duo and the thing he was laying on was his bed. His arms chained to the bed post just as they had been before and his body revealed to his captors. They laughed at him, staring at his body with lust filled eyes, and made lewd comments about him while he laid their helpless.

He prayed for someone to come and help him, for Duo to show up and stop them but no one came and he was left alone with the man's friends. Left to be taken again, his body used and made worthless by the bodily fluids they would stain it with. His tears continued to fall as they neared him and as they got closer their forms changed until his eyes widened in horror at the sight of who stood before him now.

Instead of Duo's friends the other Gundam pilots stood around him now glaring down at him in hate and disgust. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Duo himself as well as that rookie Josh who laughed and sneered at him while he clung to Duo's arm. He stared up at them hopping they would let him go but his friends only laughed at him and then Quatre, his blue eyes devoid of their normal compassion, began to remove his pants as he climbed on top of him.

Heero looked up at him with horror filled eyes as the blonde boy thrust inside of him and screamed with the pain. Quatre only laughed and grunted as he thrust into him until he released and then moved aside for the next person. One by one they took him as he screamed and begged them to stop not understanding why his friends would do this to him or what he had done to deserve it.

"Don't you get it Heero," Duo sneered as he approached him once Wufei was done with him Josh still holding onto him. He shook his head as he looked into his cold violet eyes and trembled slightly. "We're doing this because this is what you want. What you have always wanted isn't Heero, you worthless little slut, this is all your good for anyway now that the war is over. Nobody needs you or wants you except for a good fuck whore."

Heero's body shook with his words and he knew that he was right and that this was all he was good for now. The war was over and all of his training was now worthless as was Heero himself. It was only right that his friends should use him this way and he stopped struggling as Josh released Duo and climbed on top of him settling between his legs and thrusting into him.

"Do you really think Duo could ever love you Heero?" He said softly in his ear as he thrust deeper inside of his abused body. There was malice glowing in his eyes and dripping from his voice. "Little fool why would he want you when he could have me instead. I'm so much better than you Heero, I'm not just some tool that nobody needs anymore like you."

Heero shuddered but silently admitted the truth of his words to himself unable to speak as he screamed and whimpered beneath him. Josh finally finished taunting him all the while and then it was Duo's turn. He stared to climb onto the bed when he heard another voice and felt something take hold of his arms. It felt like they were being pinned at his side even though they were still chained above him and the voice was soft, entirely different from those of his friends.

He strained to hear it, to make out what it was saying, and as he did his friends and the room he was in began to fade. There was a warmth against his back and the voice rose slightly as he latched onto to it. All he wanted was to get away from the ones he had once thought of as his friends and go somewhere he would be safe so he clung to the voice and the warmth he felt.

A tiredness settled in his body and he had the strange feeling that his eyes were closed despite the fact that he was sure they were open. The pain was still there though but more faint and more like old pain than fresh. Could this be a dream? Had his friends really not been doing that horrible thing to him. He wanted to believe that and that he would wake up and find himself on the couch in his and Duo's apartment alone and safe even though he could faintly remember something about Trowa being there and telling him they were going somewhere.

Anxiously he allowed his eyes to open having come to the conclusion that they were in fact closed and he had been asleep. He blinked several times praying that it had been a dream and hadn't really happened but his heart sank when he saw where he was and who he was with. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Sally stood at the foot of the bed he was in staring at him while someone else was holding him. He couldn't see Duo or Josh but he knew they must be there too somewhere and that it had been real. His body tensed and a terrible pain filled his already shattered heart as he screamed and begged them not to touch him anymore.

XeXeXeXeXeXeXeXe

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei had been sitting in the living room talking quietly as they waited for Sally to arrive when they heard soft sounds coming from Heero's room. Fearing that something was wrong with their friend they had rushed down to his room only to find him whimpering and thrashing on the bed. His eyes were closed showing he was asleep and tears were staining his face from them. His body was shaking and at times he mumbled incoherently to himself.

"He's having a nightmare, a really bad one," Quatre told them clutching at the cloth above his heart. He had always been sensitive to Heero's emotions and the ones he was getting from his friend now were making it hard for him to stay calm and coherent himself. "We have to get him to wake up and stop moving before he hurts himself."

Wufei nodded and before either could react grabbed their friend by the arms and pinned him to the bed struggling to hold him still. This however only made things worse as Heero squirmed beneath him and became even more panicked. He shouted at them to let him go without even knowing who it was holding him and Trowa, frowning, tried to help by holding him as well and talking softly to him.

Heero however seemed not to be able to hear him and was determined to get them to release him. His strength however seemed to have diminished greatly for when before he would have been able to easily push them away even in his sleep he now seemed almost powerless against them. Quatre could only watch in horror as they tried to restrain their friend and tears spilled down his own face as he wondered just what Duo had put Heero through to bring him to this.

Neither one of them heard the knock on the front door or Rashid answer it nor did they hear the footsteps thundering down the hall toward them. However they did hear the door slam open and two very upset young women enter the room. Sally looked livid at what she saw as well as concerned and Merian was enraged. The Asian woman wasted no time going over to her boyfriend and slapping him on the face.

"What do you think you're doing you idiots your making things worse," She scolded the two men before forcing Wufei to release their friend. Trowa followed suit not wanting to be slapped as well and Heero began thrash again unrestrained now. "Can't you see how afraid he is you need to calm him not restrain him you'll only frighten him more as your doing now."

Wufei scowled at her but said nothing and the two men moved away from the bed as she came around to the side of it. They stood beside Quatre and Sally as they watched her, Trowa putting his arm around the small blondes shoulders to comfort him. They trusted Merian to know what to do she was after all a therapist who specialized in domestic abuse and so only watched her.

Gently she sat down on the bed and carefully took Heero into her arms bringing his back to her chest and holding her arms loosely around him. It was enough to restrain him but not so much to make him feel trapped or in danger and to their surprise his thrashing began to slow and then still. She spoke quietly to him telling him that he was safe and with friends, that it was a dream and he needed to wake up.

It seemed to work as Heeo slowly settled in her arms and his eyelids began to flicker. The tears slowly stopped and he sagged against the woman slightly as he began to waken. Quatre wiped away his own tears not wanting Heero to see him crying and the three men and the other woman smiled as he slowly opened his eyes to look at them. Their smiles faded instantly at his reaction to the sight of them as he tensed in Merian's arms bringing his knees up to his chest and screamed in obvious fear.

"No!" he cried cringing away from them like they were some horrible things instead of his friends. "Don't touch me, stay away from me."

Quatre's heart broke at his words and Wufei and Trowa exchanged worried glances as they stared at the broken shadow of the man who was once the strongest of them all. Quickly Merian tightened her embrace around him and began to rock him slowly to calm him again. He turned to see who was holding him and at first looked horrified at the sight of the young woman and then calmed slightly as she seemed not to be who he was expecting to see.

"It's all right Heero your safe no one is going to hurt you here it was just a dream," Merian told him as she rocked him like a mother would their child. No one had ever held Heero like that before that he could remember and it made him relax and feel almost safe. "We're all your friends here and we want to help you Heero."

"Heero you know Wufei, Trowa and I would never hurt you. Trowa brought you here so you would be safe," Quatre told him forcing himself to hold back the fresh tears that threatened to fill his eyes. "we're sorry we didn't know about you and Duo and didn't act sooner to get you away but we know now and we won't ever let him hurt you again."

"Duo?" Sally said questioningly as she looked at the beaten and broken man sitting in the bed in front of her. "Duo did this?"

Heero said nothing only lowered his eyes as Merian held him and she turned to the others. Wufei looked away uncomfortably still having a hard time believing one of their fellow pilots could do this to another one of them and Trowa's face was hidden by his hair as he remained silent but Quatre nodded without speaking. She gasped and looked back at the young man she had admired during the war sympathy and regret in her eyes. If she had known what was really going on she would never have let Duo take him home from the hospital all those weeks ago but now she had a chance to rectify that mistake.

"All right all of you out I need to examine Heero and he would probably feel more comfortable if it was just him and me while I do it," the woman told them. Heero gave a slight nod of his head though he still didn't look very comfortable with the idea of anyone seeing him. "Heero you have nothing to be ashamed of nothing I see will make I or anyone else here think any less of you."

Heero said nothing only kept his head bowed and Merian reluctantly released him and got off the bed. Quatre gave him an encouraging smile as he and the two other men and the woman left the room. They went back into the living room and as soon as they were far enough away from the room Wufei turned on the Asian woman face hot with anger.

"Woman what was the meaning of you slapping me?" He demanded as he glared at her. The black haired woman sat down on the couch undisturbed by his anger. "It was a complete injustice."

"Wufei dear you were terrifying your friend and knowing you as the stubborn man you are I had to make my point quickly and the best way was through pain," Merian answered sweetly. Wufei frowned but said nothing else and the three men sat down on the couches as well. "I don't know what Heero has been through but I have seen many battered wives and even some battered husbands who look a lot like him though he is one of the worst I have seen physically. He is going to need a lot of help from all of you to over come whatever Duo has done to him and he is going to need therapy to which I would be happy to provide for him if he is willing to do it."

Quatre nodded and they talked quietly with each other for the next hour while they waited for Sally to finish her examination of Heero. They heard no sounds from the room except for the woman's voice speaking softly to the man. After an hour passed Wufei got up and began to pace while Quatre had Rashid bring them some drinks. It was when the large man returned with the drinks that Sally finally came out of the room looking tired and deeply troubled. Quatre handed her a glass of lemonade that she took gratefully and sat down on the couch.

"How is he Sally?" Trowa asked as Wufei stopped his pacing to join them on the couches again taking the remaining glass for himself.

"Not well, there are numerous scars and bruises covering most of his body. A couple of his ribs are at least cracked and his wrist and nose are broken and starting to heal so they were broken sometime ago. There is also evidence of consistent and recent rape," The doctor explained softly. Their faces paled as they listened to her not one of them having expected that, abuse yes but rape, no they couldn't believe Duo would do anything that cruel. "He hasn't been sleeping well that's obvious and he is severally under weight even more so than he was when I saw him in the hospital a few weeks ago. I let him have a sleeping pill and one of the pain killers that he wasn't supposed to have anymore but since he has obviously been in pain its all right and he is sleeping now."

"Well at least he is sleeping its obvious he needs it," Quatre murmured softly. The distress he felt shown clearly in his eyes and he had to wipe away the tears that started to wet his face. "I can't believe Heero has been raped and by Duo. It doesn't make sense. Duo was never like this during the war. He was the goofy, cheerful one that didn't like hurting people if he didn't have to. There has to be something wrong with him."

"There has been something wrong with him since the day we met him why else would he call himself Shinigami?" Wufei replied scowling as he took a long sip of his lemonade before slamming the glass on the coffee table. "We have to confront him and find out what the hell he thought he was doing to Heero."

"Wufei is right we need to confront Duo and find out what exactly has been going on and what is wrong with him. We need to get Heero to talk to us too if we can," Trowa agreed trying to calm the man. Wufei frowned but sat back on the couch. "I'll go back to the apartment and try to talk to him you and Quatre are to emotional to deal with seeing Duo right now and should stay here with Heero. He needs us more than Duo does right now."

"Not yet though Trowa. I want to wait a while before going to him," Quatre said softly a thoughtful look on his face. He was always the brains of their group during the war and he seemed to becoming up with a strategy now. "I want to see how long it takes Duo to realize that Heero is no longer there and what he will do when he does. If he will try to contact us to try to find him that way we can see if there is any concern for him from Duo or not. We can go from there."

Wufei and Trowa hesitated for a moment and then nodded agreeing with the smaller man's idea. Merian and Sally agreed as well and they continued their discussion of Heero's health. Sally had tried to get him to talk to her but he had refused except to mumble when something hurt and had kept his head bowed and his eyes low the entire time. It would be hard for them to get him to talk but they would have to try to get him to somehow. They needed to know everything that had happened him and why he had allowed it and why Duo had done it if they were to help both of their friends. For now though all they could do was wait for one to wake up and the other to care if he still did.

A/N: well was it a tear jerker like I said it would be or what? I certainly hope it was since that was my intention and obviously I am not done torturing Heero. Poor guy having dreams about his friends rapping him. I know he was very ooc but I refuse to apologize for it as I believe it is justified by what he has been through so if you don't like it than oh well can't do much about it. Next chapter will be the confrontation between Duo and the guys and some discussion with Heero as they try to help. Oh and the Merian thing was just because I thought at this point Heero would be more willing to relax with a woman and more willing to talk to somebody he already knows than some strange therapist he didn't know being that he is a very quiet and private guy. So hope you like and please continue to review thank you.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: thank you for all the reviews and encouragement on this story I feel so much better about it. A couple things I wanted to address 1. Merian: I didn't really think about it cause I have read a lot of fics with her in it but in this story Wufei meet her after the war and they are not yet married but will be soon, I had a couple of reviewers ask about her. 2. I had one reviewer say that some of my sentences in the last chapter were confusing and for this I sincerely apologize. I have problems with run-on sentences and sometimes coherency of thoughts that make sense in my head but may not make sense to others reading it please feel free to tell me if that is the case I will work hard to keep them from happening. Other than that enjoy the chapter and continue to review, review, review.

Warning: mentions of abuse and rape, language and angry friends and attempt at suicide.

Chapter 10. Confronting the Truth.

Heero woke sometime later not knowing where he was or what time it was only that it was dark and quiet. He was surprised to find himself in a bed, something he hadn't slept in since Duo's friends had raped him, and it took him a few minutes to remember what had happened earlier. He vaguely remembered Trowa coming to the apartment and how he had hid in the closet afraid to be seen by him and then how he had fainted after he tried to get him to agree to go with him.

The only thing he could think of was how angry Duo would be when he found out that he had let someone into the apartment even one of their friends and then how much angrier he would be when he found Heero had left the apartment without his permission. He was sure that he knew by now that Heero was gone and he could just imagine the punishment he would get for leaving when he returned to him as he knew he had to. He couldn't stay here, the others wouldn't want him to now that they knew how dirty and worthless he was as he was sure they did, and he had no where else to go.

He knew that Sally would have told them all about his many injuries both internal and external and that they now knew about the rape at least partly. They didn't know who had raped him though he was sure they suspected Duo and wouldn't suspect his friends involvement at all and he had no intention of telling them. He didn't need them to think any less of him than they already did. He didn't even know why they had let him stay this long or why they hadn't called Duo to come get him not wanting anything else to do with him.

Perhaps it was just to late for him to come for him and he was going to get him in the morning. Yes that was probably the case and slowly he got out of the bed ignoring the slight shaking of his body. He wouldn't be able to sleep in this bed anymore so he would go find a couch to curl up on besides that way he would be ready when Duo came for him in the morning and could maybe abate some of his anger by not making him wait for him.

He made his way silently out of the room and into the darkened hall his footsteps soft and slow. Heero was fairly certain he was in one of Quatre's mansions and wasn't entirely certain where the living room was. He moved quietly, opening doors to peek inside with the skills he had learned years ago, until he came to another bedroom a few doors down from his own the sight he saw within freezing him to the spot.

Within the room in the faint light of the moonlight he could see Trowa laying on his back bare chested with a blanket covering up to his waist and laying on his chest with his head tucked against his shoulder was Quatre his chest bare as well. Trowa's right arm was wrapped securely around the others covered waist and they looked so peaceful and comfortable together that it nearly brought tears to his eyes and made his chest ache. He was sure that they had shared a night of passionate love making earlier and then exhausted from their mutual orgasms had fallen asleep in each others arms secure in the knowledge that they were safe with each other, that they would never cause the other harm.

Heero's hand gripped the doorknob so tightly his knuckles went white as he watched the two in a mixture of jealousy, loneliness, and regret. This was what he had always wanted, to make love to someone who loved him as well, who protected him, and in who's arms he felt safe as he never had before. This was what he had dreamed about having with Duo after he had realized he was in love with him and what he had realized he would never have after the first night he had taken him forcefully with no concern for him and his pain.

He had never felt safe in another's arms in his memory, not even with Odin and certainly not with J. Never felt comfortable being held by another though he was sure there must have been a time when he must have when he was little and his mother and father had held him in times he couldn't recall. He had never even come close to feeling comfortable or safe except when Merian had held him earlier and there was no way he would ever feel safe enough to sleep in another's arms like Trowa and Quatre.

But then he didn't deserve what they had, didn't deserve that safety and comfort that they had, because unlike them he wasn't human but a useless tool no one wanted. He had out lived his usefulness with the ending of the wars and there was no longer any place for him or anyone to want him. All he had was Duo and pain and suffering because that was all he deserved and soon enough Duo would leave him for Josh if he hadn't already and he would have nothing.

Stifling a sob he closed the door as quietly as he could and continued down the hall. The next room he came to was a bathroom and a sudden feeling in his groin told him he needed to use it. He closed the door and turned on the light and then quickly did his business empting his bladder. As he moved to leave the room he saw his reflection in the mirror and stopped in surprise. The sight he saw was a young man with dark circles under his eyes, bruises coloring his face and neck and beneath the bandages that now covered his chest. He was so thin his bones stuck out and for the first time he saw himself as thin and the sight disgusted him.

There was a splint around his left wrist as well and a strange bulge was sticking out on his nose that he knew Duo had broken. He looked pathetic and weak and in that moment he truly hated himself and questioned his existence. Why was he trying so hard to keep a man who only hurt and abused him and why was he continuing his life when he knew he would never get the one thing he wanted, the one thing he had no right to, love.

Determinedly he turned his face away from the mirror and opened it to reveal the medicine cabinet behind it. He couldn't slit his wrists with the splint on but there were other ways he could take his life. Glancing over the different bottles he saw within it he quickly grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills surprised to find he wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping among the pilots. It would give him a more peaceful death than he deserved but after everything he had endured in the short life he lead he couldn't imagine anyone begrudging him that.

Clutching the bottle tightly in his uninjured hand he made his way to the kitchen that he found after going down a flight of stairs surprised to find himself on the second floor. He filled a glass with water as quietly as he could and then went into the sitting room he had found nearby. He flopped down on the couch there and put the glass on the table opening the bottle and pouring out a generous amount of pills into his injured hand. In the dark he couldn't see what color the pills were or anything descriptive about them they were just cold lumps on his hand but it didn't matter they would still do there job and give him the most restful sleep he had ever had.

"Do you really think that is the answer Heero?" A voice questioned in the dark. He lifted his head to find a dark form leaning against the door frame. "That taking your own life will make things better?

"Why do you care?" Heero questioned harshly as he turned away from the form angry that they had caught him in his attempt to kill himself. "What does it matter to you if I take my own life Quatre?"

"Why wouldn't I care Heero," The blonde man countered walking over to the couch to sit near him. Heero moved over slightly not comfortable with him so close. "You're my friend Heero I wouldn't see you die when you have so much more life to live."

"Maybe it's a life I don't want to live anymore," he said quietly looking down at the pills again. He could very easily shove them in his mouth and force himself to swallow them before the other could stop him but his hand wouldn't move to do so. "I thought you were asleep with Trowa how did you know what I was doing?"

"I felt you when you came to our room and it woke me up," Quatre explained keeping his voice low and comforting as he attempted to keep Heero from doing something desperate. "When you went into the bathroom I thought you were all right but then I saw the bottle in your hand when you came out and followed you to make sure you didn't try anything."

"It would have been better for you to stay with Trowa," Heero replied allowing the other man to take the pills from him and pour them back into the bottle. He wouldn't be able to take his life this night at least. "I'm not worth your concern Quatre you should just go back to bed I promise I won't try to kill myself again tonight."

"I won't leave you while you're in pain Heero," Quatre told him his blue eyes shinning in the darkness of the room. "Talk to me Heero, I know some of what Duo did to you but I want to know it all from you so tell me what happened."

"I don't understand don't you hate me now?" the brown haired man asked in confusion as he slumped against the couch fearing this was all some kind of trick to make him think he cared when he didn't. "He said you would."

"Duo told you we would hate you if we knew about what was happening." the blue eyed man said. Heero made no response except to lower his head but he didn't need to as Quatre sighed. "Heero he was wrong none of us hate you we only want to help you and we're sorry that we didn't intervene before now. But now we know and we can make things right again if you tell us what happened and help us understand why it did."

Heero was silent for a long time his head bowed and his eyes on his hands in his lap then after a few minutes he spoke again almost to softly for Quatre to hear, "Its late Quatre and I'm tired can I sleep now please."

"All right Heero it is late. We'll talk about it in the morning with the others," Quatre agreed reluctantly. He stood and held out his hand to him. "I'll help you back to your room if you want."

"No I'd rather stay here I am more comfortable on the couch," Heero replied curling up on the side of the couch where he sat without looking at him. "Goodnight."

Quatre sighed but decided to leave him there and grabbed the throw blanket on the top of the couch to drape over him. Heero said nothing about it but did wrap it tighter around himself and his friend smiled as he left the room to let him sleep and return to Trowa taking the bottle of pills with him. Heero listened to him leave and closed his eyes willing himself to sleep. It took a while but he was finally able to drift off again on the couch and for once it was a dreamless sleep that allowed him to rest.

XeXeXeXeXeXeXeXe

The next morning the six of seven of them sat around the dinning room table sharing a breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Sally, Merian, and Wufei had spent the night at the mansion wanting to talk to Heero when he awakened and Sally still had more to do for his wounds and health. It felt strange to Heero to eat food he hadn't made himself and even stranger to eat but his friends insisted despite his protests and watched him carefully to make sure he ate enough to satisfy them.

That was one of the things they were most worried about, his weight, and getting him back to a healthy amount. So Heero forced himself to eat a whole pancake, some eggs, and a slice of bacon before he refused to eat anymore truly full, his stomach having grown smaller from his lack of eating. His friends were just glad to see him eating and Sally handed him some vitamins that he swallowed with a smile at her forcefulness and concern.

Through out the meal his friends questioned him about his injuries and what had been happening between him and Duo. However Heero said little though he didn't deny that it had been Duo who caused his injuries and flat out refused to tell them why he hadn't been eating. He didn't think they would understand his reasons and was afraid that they would even agree that Duo was likely to live him for the other man and he couldn't bare that.

Half way through the meal they were startled by a sudden banging on the front door. Rashid went quickly to answer it and minutes later Duo himself was rushing into the room a worried look on his face. His hair was out of its usual braid and only in a pony tail at the nape of his neck and his clothes were rumpled as if he had slept in them.

"Guys Heero is gone I don't know where . . ." he began and then stopped when he found the very person he was looking for sitting between Sally and Trowa at the table. "Heero you're here? Why didn't anybody call me to tell me this was where you went I was worried sick."

"You were?" Heero said in surprise and felt a faint steering hope that he had thought had died long ago rise in his chest again as he nodded. "I'm sorry Duo I should have called you."

"Well we're not sorry Maxwell," Wufei said standing up to glare at him as he held his knife like it was his kantana. "And we want to know what the hell you thought you were doing all this time to Heero."

"Whoa calm down Wu-man lets not get violent," Duo replied holding up his hands as he glanced at the others surprised to see that none of them were coming to his rescue and in fact seemed more than willing to let the hot tempered Chinese man continue except for Heero who only bowed his head. "Now what are you talking about what have I been doing to Heero that has you so upset?"

"What are we so upset about? What do you think look at him?" The Asian man growled slamming his fist on the table as his face colored with his anger. "He is so thin you can see his bones, several of which are cracked and broken and his body his covered in scars and bruises and other injuries I won't name but I am sure you are well aware of."

"And you think those are all my fault is that it?" the long haired man questioned looking at Heero a dark look coming over his face. Heero his head still bowed started to tremble slightly at his words. "Is that what you have been telling them Heero? Making me look like the bad guy? What about all your other lovers I bet they're the ones that have been treating you so badly while I have given you nothing but love and yet you turn on me."

Heero shook his head though he knew it would do no good. Duo would believe whatever he wanted to believe regardless of what he said and Heero would be punished for it. Not only that but he would use this to turn the others against him and make them see how truly dirty and worthless he now was. He shook as he thought about what the man could tell them, about what his friends had done to him, and make them think it was what he wanted as he believed it was. They would really hate him then and there was nothing he could do about it.

"What are you talking about Duo, Heero has no other lovers," Quatre asked standing as well a strangely cold look on his face. "How could you even think he would have others when he isn't even comfortable around other people besides us or do you think one of us is his other lover because I can assure you we're not. Trowa and I are quite happy together and Wufei is straight and with Merian and Sally is with someone else. So which one of is his other lover?"

"How should I know but I have proof seen with my own eyes that he hasn't been completely faithful to me," Duo said looking pointedly at the brown haired man who still wouldn't look at him though his face paled as he clenched his hands in his lap.

"And you have been completely faithful to him Maxwell?" Wufei questioned before he could continue and reveal the one thing Heero really didn't want them to know. "Everyone in the office has seen how you flirt with that rookie Josh and spend most of your time with him and where has Heero been stuck in the apartment with no contact other than yourself. I can see now why you never wanted us to come over or talk to him and why you got so upset the day you saw us having lunch. You've been abusing him and oppressing him and I won't let it happen anymore."

"Come on Wu-man how could I abuse the great Heero Yuy when he is so much stronger than me? Than any of us he would never have let me," The violet eyed man told him crossing his arms over his chest. Heero nearly snorted at his words but stopped himself before he could and didn't see the looks of disgust on their faces directed not toward him but Duo. "And my relationship with Josh whatever it is isn't any concern of yours. Now Heero are you coming home with me because I have to go to work now that I know your safe."

Heero moved to stand up and go with him knowing he could do nothing else but he was stopped by a sudden weight landing on his shoulder holding him down. He turned to see Trowa staring pointedly at him with his one visible eye his hand on shoulder. Heero hesitated and then remained sitting as the other man stood up to like at their friend and fellow pilot.

"I'm sorry Duo but Heero will be staying here. He needs medical attention and care and it is obvious he won't get it if he continues to stay with you and will only worsen," the green eyed man told him keeping his hand firmly on other man's shoulder to reassure him. "I was the one who got him from the apartment Duo, the one who found him huddled in the closet of his room shaking and terrified before he fainted, and brought him here and I would never be able to forgive myself if I let him go back to that now that I know about it."

"Duo I don't know everything that happened between you two or the reasons for this but I can see through my time as a therapist that Heero is most certainly the victim of severe and constant abuse as well as self-inflicted starvation," Merian continued from where she sat next to Wufei who was still glaring at the other man looking and sounding completely professional as she had observed the two men during the conversation. "I can also concluded through what Trowa has told us, what Sally has seen in her examination of Heero, and through his own reaction to you now and your reaction to him that it is you he is afraid of and not wanting to anger, therefore you are the one who has been abusing him all this time. I don't know why and it is apparent that you do care for him so I would suggest that you seek professional help to figure out whatever it is that is causing you to act so violently toward him. I can set you up with several of my fellow therapists if you want or myself though I am not certain you would be comfortable with me or if it would be a good idea since I am already offering to take on Heero as my client. It would probably be best if you went with another but I am happy to help you find one if you are willing."

"Merian is right Duo you have a problem and you need help with whatever it is," Quatre agreed the coldness of his face earlier having given way to the sympathy and compassion he was so known for. "You're still our friend Duo and we want to help you but it is Heero who needs us the most right now. We need to protect him from you so until you work out your problem and while Heero is here I am afraid you will no longer be welcome here. However anyone of us would be happy to come see you if you need to talk or need help with anything you need only call us. Now I think it would be best if you left."

"Fine I'll go but I'm not the one with a problem he is," Duo agreed eyes flashing with anger as he turned on his heel and stocked off leaving the room and the house.

Heero relaxed slightly once the other man was gone though he still looked frightened and worried as well as confused. He hadn't expected them to take his side in this and he didn't understand why they had but he wasn't about to question it. Slowly the three men returned to their seats though no one was hungry anymore and all were silent. After a few minutes Heero stood up not wanting to remain in the room anymore or answer anymore questions.

"I'm tired is it ok if I take a nap now Quatre?" He asked quietly. The blonde haired man nodded with a small smile and Heero left the room without another word or looking at any of them.

He went back into the room where he had slept the night before and curled up on the couch pulling the throw blanket over him. He was still shaking and couldn't seem to get himself to stop as he laid there is knees up against his chest. He had seen how angry Duo had been and he knew it was his fault. He should have gone with him instead of causing more trouble, should have insisted that he was fine or told them that it wasn't Duo who had caused him harm but he couldn't bring himself to because he really didn't want to go back. He wanted to stay here with his friends and he felt guilty for wanting to.

He should have gone through with it last night even with Quatre there, should have taken the pills and ended his life it would have been so much easier than this. But he had been a coward and let him take the pills from him. It was then his eyes caught sight of it a white pill on the floor near the table. He reached for it and his hand brushed against several others. They must have fallen out of his hand last night and neither of them had noticed.

Eagerly he scooped them up finding a small handful of them, five or six, and grabbing the glass that was still there shoved them in his mouth and swallowed them. His life would end now and no one would know how or be able to do anything about it. The pills went down easily and he laid back waiting for them to work. It didn't take long and soon he had drifted off into the deepest sleep he had ever had praying he would never again awaken from it.

A/N: ok I wasn't to happy about this chapter. I don't know it just didn't go the way I wanted it to and I may end up revising it but tell me what you think and if it was good or not. Was the confrontation between Duo and the guys good and I know Heero was totally ooc but since I have already addressed that in the previous chapter please don't complain about that unless you really want to. Those pills at the end were very convenient no? and guess what I am going to be a huge jerk and use the next chapter to get into Duo's head instead of telling you what happened to Heero don't you just hate me. Laughs evilly. I just

think it is time that we know a little of what is going through Duo's head before you all decide that he is no longer worthy of redemption. By the way I would like to know if the vote is still the same or if you have changed your mind so I am asking again:

Should Duo be redeemed still or not. Let me know for I am eager to know your views before I continue.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: wow I am so sorry it has taken so long for me to update this story. I got major writers block for how to work out this chapter and then I got distracted by Harry Potter stories that I started and was on a road trip for a week. But I finally figured out what to do and this chapter is now here! Thank you all for waiting so long for this chapter and I apologize again for the long wait and promise to update again sooner. So please hang in there and I promise this story will be finished.

This chapter is dedicated to Lillyoda who sent me an email begging me to update the story thank you for waiting so patiently and I hope you like it.

Warning: mentioning's of abuse and Rape and some cursing.

Chapter 11. Mind of an Abuser

Duo stormed out of the mansion firsts clenched at his sides and his face flushed with rage and indignation. How dare his friends accuse him of abusing Heero as if anyone could. He was the perfect soldier after all and no one could hurt him unless he allowed it. He would kill them if anyone even tried and despite what he called himself during the war he didn't have a death wish.

Yet the looks on his friends face's, even Quatre's, had been hard and cold and firmly believing of the abuse Heero had suffered at Duo's hands. Why would they believe such a thing? How could they believe such a thin, that he would never willingly and intentionally hurt his Hee-chan? He loved Heero and had almost since the moment he had first seen him on the OZ base with Relena. When he had mistakenly tried to save her from a killer she herself had then protected. He had known right then that there was something special about him and had determined to become friends with the silent blue eyed boy.

He had bugged him from then on following him to different schools and on missions when he was able to. Forcing the boy to pay attention to him with his constant talking and sharing a room with him in the safe houses they stayed in. At first it didn't seem to be working but slowly he had broken through the perfect soldier shell becoming the only one among the pilots to earn a nickname from him even if it was Baka. He was also the only one besides Relena that Heero had said he was going to kill on a regular basis without ever going through with it. To Duo that was a great achievement and a sign that he had some affection for him even if only a little.

For a while Duo had been content to simply be his friend until the day they had been tricked by Trieze into destroying the plane carrying all of OZ's leading pacifists. It was the first time Duo, or anyone else, had ever seen what really lay beneath the perfect soldier's mask. Though his face had still been expressionless his eyes had shown the torment he felt. Duo had seen then how much of a child the boy still was. He had never failed like that before and he didn't know what to do. He had wanted comfort or someone to tell him what to do but didn't know how to ask for it and all he had gotten was an hour long berating by Dr. J.

Duo had listened to it all hating the old man and wanting to kill him for the suffering he was causing Heero. He had wanted to go to him and give him the comfort and understanding he so desperately wanted and needed but was to afraid of his reaction to do it. So instead he had put on a movie and was shocked when a half hour later Heero had come out of his room and sat down on the couch with him. Neither of them had spoken or touched the other but he could tell that it was enough for Heero just that he was there and that he had been enough for him.

It was after that Duo had realized that he was truly attracted to his fellow pilot and wanted to take care of him. He wanted to show Heero that it was ok for him to be human and to bring out the boy that lived within the soldier he had been forced to become. However he had thought that he wouldn't have a chance when not soon after he had self destructed his gundam. He had truly believed Heero was dead, and that he had lost yet another person he cared about, not believing anyone could survive something like that even him so he had been shocked when he had shown up at his prison cell to free him after he had gone to space.

It was then that he had realized something else about Heero, he was strong enough for him to love. If he could survive self destructing his gundam then he could survive anything even Duo loving him. The realization had left him ecstatic and more determined than ever to have him for his own. And Heero had kept surviving despite the odds through both the first war and the second. He had been in a coma for nearly two months after the second war and Duo had stayed with him surprised when he woke up as fine as always.

During that time however he had never thought that whatever he felt for Heero had grown at all as his hand and was prepared to go to L2 with Hilde as he had after the first war and leave him. He would have to if Trowa, of all people, hadn't come to him and told him how miserable Heero had been without him, He had been staying near them during that time and had seemed lost on his own not knowing what to do with himself. Trowa had encouraged him to talk to Heero before the boy chose to just disappear and had then left him there to think about what he really wanted in his life.

Realizing that he could lose the only one he could ever love without fear of him dying from it Duo had immediately asked Heero if he wanted to share an apartment with him as soon as he woke up. He had been shocked by the way the other boys face and eyes had lit up with his words and he had agreed without hesitation. Within a week they had found an apartment they liked and had joined perventers along with Wufei and Zechs.

They had settled into life together easily enough and in some ways it was no different than the times they had spent together in the safe house's during the war. They'd watch movies sometimes or go out to eat with the each other or the others, stuff friends did or roommates but nothing serious. Duo knew Heero wasn't ready for a real relationship yet as he still needed time to get used to being human first and he had been willing to give him that time. Besides he was busy with his job and trying to keep the over eager rookies and the smart ass elders off his back.

That was probably what started it to many older soldiers giving him crap for his age and to many rookies kissing up to him. He had been stressed and wanted to go out for some fun something he knew Heero wouldn't do. Heero hated clubs, loud music, alcohol, and people touching him, except Duo of course. So Duo had gone alone, telling Heero only that he would be home late, and had met a group of guys he knew he would have fun with. The guys he choose couldn't have been more different from Heero and that was why he had chosen them. He loved Heero but it was sometimes difficult to deal with the stoic ex-pilot and he had wanted a break from everything even him.

So a couple of times a week he would go out with his new friends and come home drunk. Heero never said anything about it though Duo could tell he didn't like it but he wouldn't have cared if he had said anything anyway. That was his release and as the stress from work got worse and his frustration with Heero increased he started to go more and more.

He supposed he should have felt bad for constantly ditching Heero but at the time he just didn't care. He had been at a loss for what to do to further their relationship knowing how naïve Heero was when it came to relationships and not wanting to push him until that night, the night that changed everything. He only had vague recollections of that night, he remembered coming home drunk and deciding to see Heero. He had wanted to talk to him or something but all rational thought had left his mind when he saw the boy sitting up in his bed with only a sheet and a pair of boxers covering him from the waist down.

His chest had been bare and surge of lust and want and need had filled him. He remembered faintly kissing him then and removing his clothes. Could remember taking off his boxers and how the other man hadn't resisted fueling his lust. He couldn't get enough of him as he spread his legs and pushed his fingers into him for the first time. Heero had whimpered and bucked but he had ignored him and then removed his fingers before pushing his member into him.

He had heard his screams but had muffled them with his mouth knowing he hadn't prepared him enough, that he had forgotten to use lube, that he had forcefully taken Heero's first time, but didn't care. All he could think about at the time was just how good it felt to be buried inside him and how long he had waited for it. It wasn't until he finished and pulled out that he realized how much he had hurt him and that he had brutally taken his virginity. He could see the tears in his eyes that shocked him for he had never seen the boy cry before and yet he said nothing.

Except for a few words earlier and his screams Heero had been silent and nearly compliant. He had done nothing to stop duo but only allowed him to do as he wanted, allowed him to hurt him. Why hadn't he stopped him, he was more than strong enough to push him off or even kill him so why hadn't he? Perhaps because he had wanted it that way and even liked it hard and rough because of the pain.

In an instant his self-hatred for hurting his beloved turned into a hatred of Heero for not stopping him. He was angry at the other man for letting him do that to him and disgusted by the fact that he might actually have liked it and wanted it like that. He had gotten off him in disgust and outrage and put his clothes back on. Heero still remained silent simply staring at him as if not knowing what to do and he had said something to him, he couldn't remember what, but he knew it was something bad. The look on his face told him it was, it was a look of pain, rejection and confusion, the look of someone lost and broken and he had never seen so much emotion on his face before. But he had left without saying anything else and had crashed on his own bed falling instantly asleep despite what had happened.

The next day though he had apologized and told Heero they were in a relationship and Heero had looked both grateful and relieved even though he had flinched when he first touched him. Things seemed to be fine after that they dated and were happy or at least mostly. Heero was fine when they were kissing or cuddling on the couch but whenever he tried to be more intimate with him he would tense up and push him away. Duo was willing to give him time and space though he didn't understand why he needed it. After nearly a month however he began to grow frustrated with him and started to go out clubbing again with his friends and still Heero said nothing until that night.

The night when Heero had dared to tell him that he had a drinking problem and that he had raped him that first night. They had gotten into a fight resulting in Duo trapping Heero naked on the bed and admitting he liked having the blue eyed man helpless beneath him. After that night Duo had stopped caring about what Heero wanted, he hadn't stopped him the first time and he had only been teasing him since then, with holding what he wanted simply because he could. Sop Duo had decided to just take what he wanted from him and hadn't cared how much he hurt him. It was Heero's fault for teasing him and he had told him so and his punishment.

Yet Duo still feared that Heero would leave him and he would lose yet another person he cared about. He wouldn't allow that to happen and he had sought to keep Heero dependent on him. He was possessive, keeping people away from him even their friends, he was over protective making Heero quit his job after he and Josh had been injured, keeping him in the apartment unless he had his permission and Heero hadn't resisted any of it. He had done everything Duo wanted him to as desperate to keep him as he was to keep Heero and Duo had been content.

Until the night Heero had ruined everything by fucking his friends after he had left to get more beer. He had felt his heart shatter at the sight of Heero cuffed to the bed while one of his friends thrusted into him. To hear that it had been his idea, that he had actually begged for it, had been devastating and he had been physical with him then. But he was the perfect soldier he could deal with a little beating, Heero could survive anything even Duo he had already determined that so then what had happened to bring it to this point?

He had expected to find Heero making breakfast in the kitchen as he usually did when he got up this morning and was surprised when he wasn't. A quick look in his bedroom and the bathroom showed that he wasn't in the apartment at all. He had panicked fearing the other man had chosen to leave him and knowing how easy Heero could disappear if he wanted to. So he had done the first thing he could think of he rushed to Quatre's mansion to see if the guy knew where he was and found Heero himself. He had been so relieved he was still there that he just wanted to take him home and forget this had happened.

Instead he had been accused of abusing Heero and told to leave by Quatre of all people. He didn't understand it yes he got angry sometimes and maybe gave him a smack or two but nothing he couldn't handle. Although Duo could see that he didn't look good and just when had he started looking like that anyway?

Heero had always been thin but muscular now however he was nearly skeletal. His eyes were sunken and his cheeks hallow and he was far to pale except for the dark circles under his eyes. He had been wearing a sweat shirt and pants that looked way to big for him and he had been silent except for when he had said he was sorry. While it wasn't unusual for him to be so silent there had been difference to his silence then it had been resigned and almost fearful as if he was afraid to say anything. He had been willing to leave with him but hadn't resisted when Trowa and kept him in his seat and Duo was confused by his actions or lack of them.

He had never seen Heero like that before and it had disturbed him but yet his anger at what he had been accused of doing had been to great for him to show any concern for the other man. Besides it wasn't Duo's fault someone else had to have been abusing him because he would never hurt him like that. Sure he would get drunk a lot and angry sometimes but he was always in control of himself and never gave Heero more than he deserved. And Heero knew he deserved what he got to for upsetting him that was why he had never complained until now.

But that was fine if Heero wanted to blame him for his own problems and if his so called friends were willing to believe such awful things about him than so be it he didn't need them any way. He had his other friends and Josh and wasn't in need of them anymore. Wasn't in need of people who dared to say he was the one with the problem and that he needed therapy or something. They would probably want him to go to rehab or something to and there was no way he was doing that, he liked drinking to much and the way it made him feel to give it up even for them.

Any way he knew his limits and would never drink past them, he had never been sick after all and rarely had the terrible headache that went with a really bad hangover. He had seen what drinking did to people on the streets of L2 and was therefore very careful with what he drank and how much. He had seen abuse there to and even suffered from some himself and would therefore never abuse another person. The guys should have known that knowing him as they did but he guessed they weren't as great friends as he had once thought they were.

Still it was Heero's betrayal that hurt the most. That he could turn on him like that after all he had done for him and how much he loved him. First fucking his friends behind his back and then turning the rest of the pilots against him. It had to be an act or something, yes that was it it was an act, Heero had probably done that to himself and their friends had willingly believed his lies. The anger that surged through him at that realization nearly over took him as he stormed into his car and slammed on the gas. It wasn't Duo that had a problem it was Heero and in time his friends would see that and then Heero would come crawling back to him but he wouldn't take him back not after this.

Smiling at this decision he drove to work and was pleased to find Josh waiting for him. What did he need Heero for when he had Josh anyway. Sure he wasn't as strong as Heero or anywhere near as stoic but that was ok. Josh was a sweet kid, easy going and willing to show his emotions, and he nearly idolized Duo. Duo had a crush on him for a while now but hadn't fully pursued it not wanting to hurt Heero now though there was nothing stopping him and he slung his arm around the other man's shoulders as they walked inside.

He invited the other man to dinner that night before they separated to go to their own offices and Josh instantly agreed. He had never cared for Heero and had been trying to convince Duo for a while now that he was a better choice for him so he nearly whooped aloud when he told them they had broken up and he had asked him out. Duo had grinned as well and spent the day humming in his office while he did his paper work as there was no mission for him to go on right now.

The day was fairly uneventful besides that mornings activities and passed quickly until about mid day. Duo was surprised when he saw Relena hurry down the hall passed his office with Dorothy trailing behind her. The two women seemed unusually worried about something and as he watched they went into the office that Zechs and Noin shared. Thinking nothing of it he went back to his work until all four of them went passed with identical worried expressions on their faces.

Curious in spite of himself he followed them thankful for his skills in stealth until they came to Une's office. Looking causal he waited outside listening carefully at the door while he pretended to ruffle through some papers and wait for an appointment he didn't have with the woman. What he heard surprised him and for a moment he was concerned and had to fight not to run out of the office.

"Lady Une I must request that myself and Noin be allowed the rest of the afternoon off there has been an emergency," Zechs was telling the woman. His voice strained by a raising worry as he spoke.

"What kind of an emergency and why is your sister and Miss Dorothy here?" Une asked though not unkindly. Since the war they had become quite close over their mutual fondness for Trieze and she was a good friend to the pilots as well though still a strict soldier.

"Heero has been taken to the hospital Lady Une," Relena explained and he could almost see the woman frown in concern though the door was only open a crack not giving him much excess inside. "We're not sure why I just got a call from Quatre and he asked us to come. He said he would need all of our support right now."

"Very well you may go and tell Heero I hope he will recover soon and that I will be coming to see him myself as soon as I am able," Une replied and he could now hear the concern in her voice one that matched the one he now felt.

They thanked her and Duo quickly turned around a corner before they could come out and see him there. He watched them leave wondering what he was going on with Heero and why he wasn't told about it. That's right because his friends were no longer his friends and because Heero had betrayed him. This was probably just another part of that act he was playing and he was more than likely fine. He sneered as he realized that and decided there was nothing for him to worry about. Besides he had a date with Josh tonight and there was no way he was going to miss that for someone who didn't even want him anymore.

Still he couldn't rid himself entirely of the worry he had for the other man. He loved Heero still and couldn't truly believe that Heero no longer loved him. He had to talk to Heero just the two of them but that would be difficult with their fellow pilots watching over him now but not impossible. He was sure that he could get the other man to meet him alone once he was out of the hospital. Until then he would enjoy his time with Josh and he went back to his office humming again and ignoring the worried feeling in his stomach.

A/N: ok I know this chapter was short but I wanted to get it out there so you wouldn't have to wait any longer for it. I had trouble writing this chapter cause I wanted to make Duo somewhat sympathetic since I didn't want him to be a total jerk but I don't think I really succeeded. Oh well hope this chapter was worth the wait and I will try to update again sooner this time. Please review and tell me if this chapter was any good and if you still hate Duo.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: thank you all so much for your reviews and for returning to read the last chapter after I took so long to update it. I love you all my loyal readers, Nannah, Miroseo, Lillyoda and Star Wing, thanks especially to you for liking my writing style and saying I have great ideas, and to anyone else I missed it is you who keeps me writing. Welcome too to Dragon1727 and I hope you will continue to read and review. And now on with the chapter where we get to find out what happened to Heero.

Warning: don't know but I am warning you now for everything and anything. Enjoy!

Chapter 12. To Save a Friend.

The drive to the hospital was unusually silent for the four companions each one trying to think of what could be wrong with Heero. Zechs, Noin and Dorothy knew only what Relena had told them and that was simply that Quatre had called her asking her to come to the hospital to see Heero. Relena knew little more except that he was in the hospital having been brought there that morning and that Quatre and the others would explain when they got there and they were to say nothing about it to Duo.

Only Relena was aware of the problem between Heero and Duo though even she didn't know just what that problem was and her concern for the blue eyed man had increased with this news. She had hoped that it was only a misunderstanding that day but was now convinced that it was much more and only hoped that nothing to serious had happened to the man she considered one of her closets friends. She was also glad to see that the two other women and even her brother were concerned for him as well.

Despite Heero's cold outer shell he had managed to become friends with Dorothy and Noin who were known to force him out of that shell whenever they were around. Zechs was a bit harder but the two had grown a mutual respect for each other during the war and after while working at perventers together. He had been surprised when Heero had stopped working a little over a month ago and had asked his sister if she knew what was going on so to find out now that he was in the hospital disturbed and upset him.

When they reached the hospital they found Trowa waiting for them in the lobby and with a nod of his head, seeing they were all there, he lead them down to a waiting room on the third floor. Within the room sat Merian and Quatre with Wufei pacing, the Chinese man had never been good at sitting still. They all looked worried and were relieved to see them and once the greetings were taken care of Relena sat next to Quatre looking up at the other two ex-pilots with a pleading look in her eyes.

"What has happened to Heero? Is he all right?" She asked the question all of them wanted an answer to. Quatre lowered his eyes and both Wufei and Trowa looked distressed at her words adding to her worry. "Please tell us what is going on? Why didn't you want us to contact Duo did something happen between them?"

"Heero should be all right Relena but Sally hasn't come to tell us anything yet," Trowa explained when it appeared that neither of the other two were going to answer her. She looked relieved at that but still worried as she waited to hear the rest of his answer. "Do you remember the night you called Quatre and I after seeing Heero and Duo Relena?" She nodded, of course she remembered how could she forget. "Well it seems you had reason to worry about him then and we only wish we had gotten to him sooner."

The unibanged man sighed softly and then explained everything they had found out last night and this morning. He told them of the abuse, rape, and self-inflicted starvation the former wing pilot had been suffering over the last few months. Of his obvious fear of everyone and their confrontation with Duo that morning when he had denied having any responsibility in what had happened to his lover. He even told them of how he had accused Heero of having other lovers that had abused him which from one look at their faces he knew none of them believed.

By the time he got to that morning there were tears in the three women's eyes and they looked deeply distraught over what had happened to their friend. Zechs was scowling darkly his elbows on his knees where he sat and his chin on his hands as he listened to the man. Trowa quickly explained how Heero had asked to take a nap after Duo had left and how they had left him alone for several hours on the couch while he slept. It wasn't until they tried to wake him for lunch that they realized something was wrong when he wouldn't wake up.

At first they didn't know what could have happened to him as there was nothing around and Sally had examined him quickly thinking perhaps he had passed out or something else not to serious. But during the examination Sally had discovered some faint traces of white powder on his hand and Wufei had spotted a white pill near the foot of the coffee table. It was then Quatre had told them about finding Heero with a bottle of sleeping pills the night before and fearing he had taken some and perhaps over dosed on them they had decided to take him to the hospital and called them knowing he would need as much support as he could get.

"Oh poor Heero," Relena said once he had finished and she buried her face in her hands as she cried softly for her friend. "How could Duo do that to him what is wrong with him?"

"We don't know Miss Relena he stormed out before we could say anything more to him," Quatre told her looking close to tears himself. Even though he had already known everything Trowa had told them it still left him wanting to weep for his friend. "We are just hopping we can help Heero recover from this. I just don't understand why Heero allowed him to do all that to him. Surely he could have stopped him."

"Unless he didn't want to or was too afraid to," Zechs said quietly looking thoughtful as all eyes turned to him in surprise and curiosity. "I think out of us all that I best understand Heero's reasons for letting this happen. We are both soldiers, both consumed with the guilt of the blood on our hands, and both unable to believe that anyone could truly love us after all we have done and what we are."

"Zechs . . ." Noin said placing her hand on his with a small smile that the man returned as he looked at her.

"I was lucky Lucrezia I had you who loved me despite everything in my past but Heero . . ." he began the smile leaving his face as he went on his thoughts returning to the younger man with the uncertain fate. "He never had anyone until he met us. He was trained not to feel and so never thought that he could ever feel for anyone or that anyone would ever feel for him. So I think that when he realized he had feelings for Duo and that Duo had feelings for him and that it was all right for him to he was afraid of losing him not believing anyone else would ever care for him in that way. So he let Duo do whatever he wanted to him in order to keep him with him."

"Very astute Zechs and I think you are right, that is more than likely part of the reason why Heero allowed the abuse he suffered," Merian agreed in her professional voice, she even made a small note in the note pad she carried. Zechs gave a nod of appreciation for her words as he sat back in his seat. "However it is not the full reason and I am sure there is much more to this than that. But it is a start and with it we can help Heero with his recovery more effectively."

"But can he recover from this after everything he suffered?" Quatre asked quietly his hand clutching at the clothe above his left breast as he wiped away his tears. "What if we were to late in finding out about this to help him?"

"Don't worry little one Heero will be all right he is strong and he has us to help him," Trowa told the man sitting next to him to wrap his arm around his shoulders in a gentle squeeze. "And if we can we will help Duo too. He has a problem and as his friends we have to do what we can to make him see that and get the help he needs as well as Heero."

"It is Duo's reasons for what he did that I can't be sure of," Zechs agreed frowning slightly as he contemplated their other friend silently for a few minutes. "There is obviously something going on with him that we don't know about. None of this sounds like him yet I don't doubt that he was the one who abused Heero and I would like to know why."

"And we will find out why it will just take some time," a voice said. They turned as Sally walked into the room looking tired but satisfied and their fears and worries instantly lightened at her look. "Heero is all right. He woke up briefly but has fallen back asleep and you can see him if you want but only one or two at a time and only for a little while. He needs rest more than anything."

"Thank God," Quatre said in relief a small smile coming over his face as he looked at the woman. Relena and the three other women were smiling as well but the three other men's face's remained expressionless save for some relief that shown in their eyes. "What happened to him Sally?"

"Just as we thought he over dosed on sleeping pills. Some of the pills from last night must have fallen on the floor without either of you noticing. Heero saw them and upset over what happened with Duo decided to take them presumably hoping to take his own life," the woman explained her voice soft as sadness filled her eyes. It was reflected in the eyes of the others gathered in the room. "He only took six or seven at the most but in his weakened and malnourished state those six or seven were more than enough to cause him to overdose though it was fortunately not a fatal one and we got him here in time to save him. But the doctors want to keep him here for observation, he has sleep deprivation, is far under weight and is now considered suicidal so they don't feel comfortable sending him home with anyone right now."

"That is probably for the best," Trowa agreed ignoring Quatre's surprised and upset look knowing that the blonde man wasn't as happy about not having their friend with them. "Here he can get the care he needs and it is less likely that he will over dose again. However I hope we will be able to take him home eventually."

"Yes I am sure you will and when you do you will have to watch him at all times. He can't be left alone for any amount of time. Even in the bathroom someone will have to be with him," Sally told them. They all nodded the smiles leaving their faces to be replaced by grim acceptance. Heero might be all right for now but he still had along way to go before he was fully recovered. "You all have to understand just how delicate Heero is right now. He is obviously willing to take his own life and if anyone were to do or say the wrong thing around him it could have disastrous result's. Are you all sure that you are willing to put in the time and care it will take to help him recover?"

"Of course we are Heero is our friend we will do anything it takes to help him," Wufei replied sounding affronted by the very question as the other's nodded in agreement. "Don't ask stupid questions Onna."

"Sorry Wufei what was I thinking," the woman said with a smile. Wufei huffed and Merian stood to give him a smack on the back of his head for his comment making him scowl. "So who is going to go in to see him first?"

It was decided that Relena and Dorothy would see him first and Zechs and Noin followed by Wufei and Merian and then finally Trowa and Quatre. Relena and Dorothy followed the other woman down the hall to the room Heero had been put in. She held the door open for them and they went inside. What they saw within the room brought tears to their eyes and Relena clutched the young man's hand in her own.

Never had they seen Heero like this, not even after he had been severally hurt during the Marimeia uprising a few years ago. He was laying in the bed with tubes attached to his body feeding him medicine, monitoring his heart beat and vital signs, and a million other things. He was incredibly pale and thin, speckled with bruises and old scars, and despite everything they had been told it hadn't prepared them for actually seeing him like this. For the first time they were seeing the boy and not the soldier he had hidden behind for so long.

While Relena held his hand Dorothy stood by his head running her hand through his messy brown locks that had lost their shine. They spoke to him even though he never woke and told him how they would be there for him and help him through this. That they were sorry they hadn't known sooner and that he deserved better than to be raped and abused. He never spoke or stirred, his breathing soft and shallow, but they still hoped that he heard them somehow.

They were only allowed to stay for a few minutes and then Sally returned for them and Zechs and Noin took their place. Noin did the same as Dorothy and made the same promises and regrets but the blonde haired man didn't speak. He didn't know what to say never having been in this situation before and unnerved by the weakness of his once rival and now friend. But he would do what he could to help his comrade and only wished he had paid more attention to the two men and found out about this sooner.

They had been to good at hiding it though and really they had been the last people Zechs would ever have expected of having an abusive or problematic relationship. Yet perhaps he should have suspected it with their pasts and personalities. He should have kept an eye on them and talked to them, seen if they needed any advice or anything. It was true the older man didn't have much experience with relationships himself but he had more than they did, anyone had more than Heero did, and they should have known that his complete lack of experience could lead to problems.

But none of them had even thought of it and had essentially abandoned Heero when he needed them most. He could imagine how alone and confused the blue eyed man had felt during that time and how easy it had been for Duo to take advantage of him. He had known some people who had been in abusive relationships before, it wasn't entirely uncommon among soldiers who had been trained and lived in violence most of their lives (I mean no offense to any soldiers I know many who are great men who would never abuse their partners so please don't take offense to this if there are any out there), to use violence on their partners without meaning to.

He and the others should have thought of that when the two men got together but Quatre and Trowa had done so well together as had Wufei and Merian that they had truly believed Duo and Heero wouldn't have any problems either. After all Trowa had been trained as a soldier since he was a child as well and had the same problems showing his emotions that Heero did but he had managed to over come that with the blonde boys help. Even if they had though they would probably never have suspected Duo of being the abusive one when Heero was more prone to anger and violence in the past and yet out of the five of them Heero was probably the most fragile and less likely to hurt someone unless he had to.

"I'm sorry Heero we failed you badly but we know now and we will do what we can to help you," He told the sleeping figure as Noin smiled at him and nodded in agreement. Zechs had come a long way from the guilt ridden soldier he once was and she was pleased with how much he had changed in these years of peace. "We won't let Duo hurt you ever again, you deserve much better than that and we will make sure you know that now."

They stayed with Heero for a bit longer and then left to give Wufei and Merian their turn. Though the young Asian woman went right to the bed the man hung back staring at his friend and fellow former pilot with a deep sadness. The young Chinese man was used to seeing his comrades injured during the war and on missions but never like this and for once he couldn't hide his emotions. The cold mask of honor and anger had slipped from his face as he stared at the man not knowing what to do. In some ways he was as bad as Zechs when it came to relationships despite the fairly normal childhood he had and thought he didn't like to admit it he was one of the most sensitive of the five pilots.

Before it had been easy to hide what he was feeling and keep the other pilots at arms length with the war and his need for justice and vengeance for his fallen clan. But now there was nothing to hide behind or a reason to and his emotions showed clearly on his face. He was afraid to touch the other man or get to close to him not wanting to hurt him by accident. However when he began to stir and his eyes flickered open he moved over to the bed instinctively wanting the man to know he was there.

"Heero," He said softly as the man awakened his blue eyes still blurry with sleep turning to focus on him. "How do you feel my friend?"

"Wufei," Heero began pausing to lick his dry lips before speaking again his voice soft and hoarse from the stomach pumping he had endured earlier. "Sorry."

"For what?" Wufei asked startled by his apology as he moved up to the side of the bed next to his girlfriend.

"Sorry for being weak," the other man explained his eyes lowering away from him in what could only have been shame. "You must hate me now."

"No my friend I don't hate you and you are not weak," The Chinese man replied knowing it was his fault the man felt this way with all his rants on justice and being weak during the war. "I just want to see you get better and promise me you won't do this again."

"I'll try," Heero told him and Wufei reluctantly nodded knowing that was the best he would get from him right now. "Thank you."

"Your welcome, now we better go Quatre and Trowa are waiting to see you too," He told him. Merian nodded and gave him a pat on the hand before standing up to follow him out of the room. "You should know that Relena, Dorothy, Noin and Zechs are here to and came into see you earlier. Lady Une said she would come see you when she could and hopes you will get well soon."

Heero looked at him in surprise and then a small smile formed on his face, one of the first Wufei had ever seen there. He felt a small smile form on his own face in response to it as he and the woman left the room to get the last two members of their group. Heero watched them leave pleased that they had been there and unable to believe that they had all come just to see him. Duo had told him that their friends would hate him if they knew about what happened but it seemed he had been wrong because they were all here concerned for him even after he had tried to take his own life.

He didn't understand why they still cared about him after what he had done and what had been done to him. Why they didn't hate him or think he was worthless and dirty as he did now, couldn't they see the filth on him, he felt like he was covered in it and would never be clean again. Yet they had chosen to stand by him instead of Duo even though he didn't know why. Why would anyone choose him over the cheerful, energetic, braided man they had all loved during the war? The one that made things bearable and allowed them to laugh and forget for a little while all of the terrible things they had done and would do.

Heero had never done that, he had always been cold and unapproachable to the other pilots during the war. He hadn't known how to be any other way or how to be friends with them without them getting in the way of his mission as he had thought they would. And even now in this time of peace he found it hard to be friendly with anyone even them, to smile and laugh, it just wasn't easy for him to do as it was for Duo. So why would they choose to side with him, to risk their friendship with the other man just to support someone who wasn't worth it?

"Heero?" The voice was soft and questioning and as he turned toward it Quatre smiled entering the room and followed by Trowa. "You're awake that's good. We were worried about you."

"Sorry," Heero told him feeling immediately ashamed of what he had done. He hadn't wanted to worry anyone and had honestly thought they would be happier with him gone. "I was just so tired and I don't really sleep anymore. I can't."

"It's ok Heero I understand just try to keep that promise you made Wufei all right," Quatre told him sitting on the side of his bed while Trowa stood next to him. He wasn't smiling but Heero knew he was happy to see him to, they understood each other well enough for him to know that without him showing it. "Dr. Fendrick wants to keep you in the hospital for a while for observation, he's concerned that if he releases you to us you may try to do something like this again and he is worried about your weight and lack of sleep as well."

"I don't like being in hospitals," He replied frowning slightly. He knew he had no real choice though and that even thought his friends understood, both of them feeling the same way, they would do nothing to get him out they were to concerned about his health to do so. "But I guess I have no choice do I?"

"No you don't, but you know its just so you can get better," Trowa agreed a slight look of amusement in his one visible eye as their friend sighed in defeat. "As soon as the doctor thinks you are stable enough you will come stay with me and Quatre again until you are well enough to be on your own again."

"So what do I have to do for them to decide I am well enough to leave?" Heero asked though he was already sure he knew what the answer would be that it would not be as easy as he would hope it would be.

"Well not trying to kill yourself again would be a start," The banged man told him half serious and half amused. Heero actually chuckled a little and nodded that would probably be a good thing. "You need to gain weight as well and start sleeping again. Dr. Fendrick wanted you to meet with the hospital psychiatrist but we convinced him to let you meet with Merian instead knowing you would be more comfortable talking to her instead."

"Thanks I would prefer her," the blue eyed man said gratefully though he really had no intention of talking to her either. He didn't think he could bring himself to talk about what Duo and his friends had done to him, especially what his friends had done, he didn't want anyone to know about that. "Did the others leave?"

"Yes but they will be coming to see you again soon and they all want you to know that they are here for you, to help you when you need it," Quatre told him. Heero nodded wishing he could show how much it meant to him that they cared about him but the smile didn't come somehow though he thought they understood anyway, maybe they knew him well enough to. "We have to go soon too, Sally said you need your rest so we could all only see you for a few minutes each."

"Thank you for coming you didn't have too," Heero replied his eyelids drooping slightly as he sunk back into the pillow of his bed. The amusement left both of their faces at his words as they frowned. "Does Duo know?"

"No we didn't tell him," Trowa replied upset by the faint look of a mixture of fear and hope in the other man's eyes. It was obvious that despite what he had done to him Heero still cared a great deal for Duo. "You should get some sleep now if you can we have to go anyway but we will be back soon all right?"

"Ok," The blue eyed man agreed surprised when Quatre stood to give him a hug and Trowa gave him a small smile before they turned to leave the room.

Trowa paused at the door glancing back at the messy brown haired man to find he was already asleep again. For once he was able to sleep it seemed and he hoped it would continue this way he knew however that Heero was just exhausted from everything that had happened the day before and today and that was the only reason he was able to fall asleep so easily now. Still it was good to see him like that and Quatre smiled at him when he glanced back as well to see their friend in a deep sleep.

The two left the hospital together alone. Sally had gone to check on some other patients and would be staying at the hospital for a few more hours and Zechs and Noin had returned to work to tell Lady Une how Heero was doing and see what Duo was doing. Relena and Dorothy had also left the young minister having a meeting she couldn't miss and as her assistant Dorothy had to go with her. Wufei had left to take Merian home and put himself off active duty for a while at Perventers so that he would be around to help Heero recover from what had happened to him.

Quatre intended to put a hold on most of his work as well as soon as he returned home. He would go to no out of town meetings and most of his paperwork would be taken care of by others in the company while he took care of Heero with Trowa while he was in the hospital and once he was out. His sisters could see to most of the companies needs while he helped his friends and he would still be available to take care of anything that really needed his attention.

Trowa as his personal assistant and bodyguard would of course have time off as well though he would still protect Quatre while he helped Heero. Together the three of them would do what they could to help their fellow former pilot to recover from what their fith member had done to him. Merian would help as well and Sally would keep him medically healthy and along with the others they were confident that they could make things better for their friend. At least they hoped they could though none of them knew just how long a road they would now be traveling or how much they would have to endure for the sake of their friends.

A/N: Ta da another chapter and much faster this time just like I promised. I hope you liked and I know not much happened in this chapter but it was important for the stories progress and now everyone else has been brought in. I wasn't to sure about having Zechs and Noin in this story but one of my most loyal reviewers wanted them to be so I decided why not and I am glad I did. In the series it always seemed like Zechs understood Heero more than the others did both hardened soldiers who don't really know how to deal with their guilt so that was why I decided that Zechs would understand more than the others about what was going on in Heero's head during all this.

I think it fit and I hope everything made sense and I apologize for the oocness that I am sure abounded in this chapter but oh well they were how I wanted them for this chapter and wasn't Wufei sweet? Ok so I have one major question to ask all of my lovely reviewers, most people seem to want Duo redemption still but some others want Heero to be with a different pilot and I got an interesting suggestion from Lillyoda that I want your opinion on.

They suggested that I have Heero with Trowa instead of Duo however I don't want to break up him and Quatre cause they are just cute together so my question is should I put Heero in a threesome with Quatre and Trowa and leave Duo with Josh or should I have Duo realize his mistake (which he will do either way) and have Heero go back to him. Its your choice so let me know and I will make it work.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: first I want to thank you all for your reviews and votes on who Heero should be with. I was surprised and pleased by all of your responses. That said I need help cause the vote is sort of tied right now and I don't know what to do ah!. So what I need all of my lovely readers that I adore so much to do is to go on to my profile where I have a poll going on and vote there if you can the poll will only be open for another two weeks or so so do it soon. If not don't worry your votes in the reviews will still be counted so never fear. At this point however it would seem that Heero/Duo pairing is winning so you have to vote for what you want if you want to see it all right. Also slight fix from last chapter I said my reviewer Lilyoda gave me the suggestion but it was actually starwing, sorry for the mix up and thank you both for your wonderful reviews they keep me writing.

This chapter is dedicated to all of my loyal readers and especially reviewers both new and old. Thank you for your wonderful support and chibi Heero's and Duo's for all of you,

please don't hurt the chibi Duo's he can't help what I make the bigger Duo do.

Warning: Psychological mumble jumble that may or may not be entirely correct and a look into Heero's childhood.

Chapter 13. The Making of a Soldier.

Heero's recovery moved quickly during his stay at the hospital, at least physically. He slowly began to gain back his lost weight as he was forced to eat the food he was given while the nurses watched him carefully. The hospital staff had learned quickly that if left alone with his meals Heero would eat very little of them or none at all. As such he had been diagnosed as being Anorexic and the nurses had taken to keeping an eye on him while he ate much to Heero's annoyance. He could do nothing about it however as both Quatre and Trowa refused to say anything to the nurses for him agreeing with them that he needed to be watched.

The dark circles under his eyes eventually faded away as he was able to get the sleep he needed with the help of sleeping pills the doctors gave him. He was only allowed them every couple of nights as no one wanted him to get addicted to them and was only given a certain amount that the nurse brought in so he couldn't overdose on them again. It irritated Heero that he was being treated like some fragile child that needed to be watched at all times lest he do something to hurt himself yet again he could do nothing about it as his friends were no better than the doctors and nurses if not worse.

The bruises began to fade and the wounds that inflicted his body healed as he was trapped in his hospital room. For the first week or so he wasn't allowed to leave the room at all as the doctors feared he was to weak to take an activity that was to strenuous. He would have laughed at that as Dr. J had made sure that no matter how injured or weak he was he could still complete whatever mission he had to due to all of his gene manipulations on him but no one would believe him even if he tried to tell them. So he was stuck in his room and in his bed for several days with only his friends visits to break the boredom of his days. Merian hadn't started his sessions yet as she wanted to give him a chance to heal physically before they started the much more difficult healing of his mind and heart.

After the fist week though he was allowed to go on walks in the hospital and outside on the grounds as long as he had a nurse or aid with him. On one of his walks Heero found himself wandering up to the children's play area. He hadn't meant to go there never having been that comfortable around children but before he could turn away or go quickly past it one of the children, a pale little girl with a cap over her head, pulled on his robe with a book in her hand asking him to read it to her.

He had hesitated at first but had reluctantly given in to the little girls demand and sat down on a chair to read the story to her. It wasn't long before the other children gathered around them while he held the little girl on his lap to listen to the story. Heero hadn't even noticed the others until he had finished and found yet another book being pressed on him. He was surprised to find the other children there but agreed to read the other book for them and the nurse seeing that he was not going to be leaving decided to leave him with the children for a while as they could heal him in ways that no one else could.

After that Heero spent a little of each day with the children reading them stories and playing with them. It was the first time in his life that he had heard most of those stories himself or ever played with toys and he found much to his own surprise that he liked being with the children. Most of them were terminally ill or injured in some way and were just happy to have someone care enough to spend time with them. Heero just liked the fact that they didn't judge him and that for once he was needed for something other than killing and being used.

It was there with the children that Merian found him when she came for their first session and for a few minutes she just watched him with them before making her presence known. It was interesting to watch him read to the children, one of them sitting on his lap while the others were circled around him, and she found herself taking notes while she did. He didn't seem either entirely comfortable or uncomfortable with them and it was the most relaxed she had ever seen him in the short amount of time she had known him.

"Hello Heero," She said once he finished reading the story to them. He looked up at her and relax state he was in instantly disappeared as his face grew hard and closed off though she said nothing about it as she sighed softly. "I'm here for our first session if you are finished here."

Heero nodded and after promising the children he would return tomorrow to read to them some more he lead her back to his room. Neither of them spoke as they walked and Merian knew that it wouldn't be easy for her to get the young man to open up to her. He had to be willing to talk to her if they were going to be able to give him the help he needed and she would have to approach this conversation carefully if she wanted to get the desired results.

Once back in his room Heero gestured to a chair and then sat down on his own bed leaning against the pillows. He would never admit it but the daily walks and time with the children had tired him out quite a bit. Merian sat down in the chair he had indicated for her and took out her notepad. She then looked at him with a non-threatening smiling that did nothing to put him at ease as she sat back in her chair.

"So Heero you seemed to be enjoying yourself with the children do you read to them often?" She asked deciding to start with something simple and easy to make him feel more comfortable before they delved into the more important matters.

"Yes everyday for the last week. They're cute I guess," Heero replied his voice and face reveling nothing of his feelings about the children either way. "But you didn't come here to talk to me about children did you Merian?"

"No but there's no rush and we are here to talk about whatever you feel you need to talk about," Merian told him after making a small note on her pad. Wufei had told her about how difficult it would be to get Heero to be willing to say anything at all to her but she was confident that she could given enough time. "Tell me Heero do you have a lot of experience with children, maybe younger siblings you took care of, you seemed to be doing really well with them when I watched you earlier with them."

"I have no experience with children except for a little girl I met once with her puppy," He said. She saw something flash briefly in his eyes before they closed off again showing nothing of his feelings. "And as far as I know I have no siblings."

"Well no one would know that by what I saw earlier. Do you want to tell me about that little girl and her dog that you mentioned they seemed important?" The woman wondered and instantly knew it was the wrong thing to ask as he tensed instantly and his face grew harder and colder closing himself off from her. "You don't have to of course you could tell me about your childhood instead if you want."

"What childhood," Heero said with a snort allowing some of the tension to leave his body. She smiled pleased to see that though curious by his answer. "Didn't Wufei tell you anything about me and the other pilots I am sure he must have spoken to you about us at some point."

"He told me some of course mostly about the time you spent in the war together. He told me you were trained from a young age by a man named Dr. J but nothing in specific," Merian explained wondering how much more there could be to Heero's past than that and what part it had played in his relationship with Duo. "But there must have been a time before that when you were with your family."

"If there was I don't remember it," He told her a look of longing and regret flashing briefly through his eyes before both emotions were locked away inside him again. "I lost my memory when I was little. I don't even know my real name, Heero Yuy is just a code name Dr.J gave me before I came to Earth."

"That is very unfortunate and it must be hard for you not to know who you truly are," She replied sympathetically. Heero gave a small shrug, yes it was hard not knowing his true name or who his family was but he had come to terms with it and felt that he had become Heero Yuy over the years that he had the name. "Can you tell me what your earliest memories are then or perhaps how you lost your memory?"

"I don't know how I lost my memory but I think there was an accident or something while I was on a colony from what Odin told me," The blue eyed man explained not knowing why he had to talk about these things. He had never been one to talk about his past or really anything about himself but if it would get him out of this hospital sooner than he would do what he had to, this was just another mission for him to complete. "And my earliest memories are of him and me traveling together. We had a contract of sorts, I would pretend to be his son and he would take care of me and train me. I knew how to load and shoot a gun by the time I was six and destroyed my first mobile suit with a rocket launcher by the time I was eight. I have always been a soldier."

"That must have been a very difficult childhood for you and this Odin person must have been someone you saw as a father figure being the only person you had in your young life," Merian said understandingly. Heero only shrugged again. It hadn't really been that bad he supposed and he was unsure if he had really saw Odin as a father or not outside of the contract. "Can you tell me if this Odin is still alive? Was he how you met Dr. J."

"He died years ago on a mission that went wrong," Heero replied gruffly refusing to go into any amount of details about the incident and pushing back memories that arose in his mind as he thought about it for the first time in a long time. "I met Dr. J after that and started my real training then and don't ask about it because I won't tell you anything more than that."

Merian nodded knowing better than to try to push him to reveal more than he wanted to. It was obvious that the memories of his training were either to personal or to painful for him to talk about with her or anyone else. She seriously doubted that anyone save himself and the doctor knew exactly what Heero had been through in his training. She now understood him a bit better and how the relationship between him and Duo had gone wrong at least from his side.

It was obvious to her from what he had told her so far that he had no experience with relationships of any kind and no one to tell him about them. The relationship between him and Odin had been tentative at best and strained by his missions and training and she seriously doubted that there had been any real kind of relationship between him and Dr. J. both men had spent a great deal of time training and developing him in mind and body but neither one had thought to develop him emotionally.

His emotional growth had been stunted severely first by Odin and then more drastically by Dr. J and the wars. He had never been allowed to express himself or explore his emotions as he was growing up and that had left him as little more than a child emotionally. His ignorance of those things had made it easy for Duo to take advantage of him and for Heero to give into him not knowing any better than to obey the person he had a relationship with as he had with Odin and J. It was unfortunate but at least now she knew about it and she and his friends could now correct it and help him to better understand relationships and what they entailed as well as his own emotions.

"That's fine Heero and I think that is enough for today, our hour is nearly up anyway," She told him closing her notebook with a smile. Heero showed no reaction to her words save for the fleeting relief she saw in his eyes briefly as he sat back in his bed. "I want you to think about what we discussed today for next time and of anything in particular you would like us to talk about. These sessions are about you, helping you, and anything you say here will be between you and me only."

Heero nodded and she gave him a small hug before leaving somewhat relieved when he only barely flinched at her touch. That was a good sign that he wasn't permanently scarred by what Duo had done to him if he was still willing to let people touch him. Of course he could only be willing because she was a woman and he was more fearful of men than he was of her. Still it was a good thing and she was pleased with both the conversation they had as well as the hug they had shared as she left.

She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she never saw the young man hanging around outside of Heero's room as she left. He watched her leave a small frown on his face and then moved toward the room stopping outside the door. Heero was laying back against the pillows his eyes closed as if in sleep but he knew him enough to know that he wasn't. Heero never fell asleep that easily and never in the middle of the day his training wouldn't allow it especially with all of the nurses and doctor's running around.

It had been far to easy for Duo to get here, none of the nurses and doctors had been warned about him so they had willingly told him where Heero's room was when he had told them he was a friend coming to visit him. He wasn't really sure why he had come sure that Heero was fine and that their friends were over exaggerating his condition but he couldn't get the way he had looked the last time he had seen him out of his mind. He had to see him just to assure himself that he was indeed fine before he began a relationship with Josh or anyone else.

From the door way he could see that Heero looked much better than he had, the dark circles were gone and his skin had regained some color. He didn't look quite as thin anymore either and the bruises had faded. He still seemed tired though and disturbingly vulnerable and that left him hesitating at the door way. He wasn't sure if he should try to talk to him or not but he needed to understand why he had done what he did. Why he had left him and told their friends all of those lies or he couldn't move on.

He hesitated for a moment longer and then taking a deep breath went inside the room. Heero opened his eyes immediately as he walked in and when they landed on him he tensed visibly. He saw it then for the first time, the fear in the man's blue eyes, he had never seen it before as Heero had started to keep his head down and his eyes hidden by his hair. It surprised him and for a moment he began to wonder if he really had been the one to hurt him

"W. . . What are you doing here Duo?" He asked after several minutes of silence had passed. Something else appeared in his eyes then along with the fear and he saw it was hope, hope for what he wasn't sure, but it was hope none the less. "Shouldn't you be with your friends or something?"

"I heard you were in the hospital and came to see how you were," Duo replied trying and failing to put on his usual cheerful grin as the hope grew stronger in the other man's eyes pushing away the fear. "So you all right buddy?"

"H . . . Hai," Heero said confused and uncomfortable. There was no telling what Duo would do to him even here and he was afraid of what would happen if he lost his temper. At least he was sober since he didn't smell any alcohol on him. "I am much better now."

"Good," The braided man said and Heero was surprised by the sincerity in his voice. He really didn't know what to make of this whole thing and was stunned by what he said next. "Then why did you do it Heero? Why did you tell our friends all of those lies? Why would you want to turn them against me? What did I do to deserve that?"

"I didn't want to turn them against you Duo," the blue eyed man replied lowering his eyes again. His arms wrapped unknowingly around his waist as he spoke. "But they weren't lies. You abused me and . . . Raped me why? What did I do wrong?"

"Stop it Heero! Stop it with these lies you know I never hurt you I would never do that," He snapped and Heero flinched as if he had been struck by a physical blow, his body trembling slightly as he drew closer to him with his fists clenched at his sides. "Who are you covering for? Who is the real person who hurt you? The only time I ever took my hand to you was when you fucked my friends and I think I had every right to then after you cheated on me like that."

"I didn't Duo," he said softly without lifting his head. Duo nearly didn't hear him his voice was so soft. "I wouldn't cheat on you. Your friends raped me that night. I didn't want to have sex with any of them but they forced me onto the bed and chained my wrists to the headboard and took me. You have to believe me Duo I would never do something like that to you. I love you."

"You're lying Heero. My friends told me about what happened that night. How you begged them to take you and you promised I would never find out about it," Duo growled his hands latching around the other man's arms in a painful grip. Heero tried to keep himself from panicking as the man held onto him tightly and was sure he would have bruises there later. "You're a whore and a slut and you let someone else abuse you and then blamed it on me. Isn't that right. I never expected you to be so manipulative and deceptive Heero but then what else can I expect from a soldier who has no concern for others feelings when they don't even have any of their own. You have always been that emotionless machine of Dr. J's, I should never have believed you could ever be anything else, that you could ever be human and actually care about someone else even me."

Heero felt tears spring to his eyes at the other man's words and struggled to hold them back as he shook him roughly by the arms. How long had he believed the same thing about himself. That he could never be anything but the emotionless soldier he once was but he knew that wasn't true. The soldier was dead now, Duo had killed him months ago, and the only thing left now was a highly vulnerable young man who didn't know what to do with all of the emotions he now had.

Duo released his arms with one hand raising it high and Heero cringed preparing himself for the blow he knew was soon to come. However it was a blow he never felt and he cautiously lifted his head to find Duo's arm being held back in the grip of another strong hand. As the braided man was pulled away from him he saw it was Zechs who had taken hold of him stopping him from striking him. His eyes were blazing with anger and his face was set in grim but determined expression as he pulled the other man away from him.

"I don't know what is going on here but I am not about to allow you to hurt Heero again," the taller man growled to Duo's surprise as he turned his attention on to him and the woman who stood behind him. "Noin stay with Heero I need to have a talk with Duo outside."

The woman nodded and walked over to the bed without looking at the violet eyed man. She spoke softly to Heero as Zechs pulled him outside and he saw the brown haired man nod in response to it before he was yanked out of the room. Before he could even gain his bearings he was slammed against a wall and made to look at Zechs who was glaring down at him like the soldier he had once been. It was then Duo decided he was a lot scarier without his mask than he had ever been with it.

"What the hell are you doing Zechs let me go," He snapped quickly overcoming his fear of the taller man. Zechs while releasing his arm only took hold of his shirt instead as he held him against the wall. "This didn't concern you it was between me and Heero."

"It does concern me when you were about to hit an injured man that you had already spent months abusing," Zechs snapped not understanding what had happened to the man who had once cheerfully annoyed them all with his perpetual good moods and inane jokes. "Heero is my friend as you once were and I won't allow my friends to be hurt for any reason."

"Your friend Zechs, wasn't there a time when you lived to kill Heero?" Duo asked with a smirk. Zechs frowned but said nothing as there wasn't much to say to that. "But that was during the war and things change right. But Heero hasn't changed he is still that bastard of a soldier he always was. I thought I could change that, show him what was like to be loved and get him to love me but I was wrong. He's not capable of love.

"That's where you're wrong Duo, Heero has changed, greatly, he loves you, opened his heart that had been closed all his life to you, and you took advantage of him," he told him releasing his shirt with a look of disgust that surprised Duo never having seen such a look directed at him before. "Did you know Duo that just a couple of weeks ago that bastard soldier tried to take his own life because he was so upset over what happened between you and the others. He took a bunch of sleeping pills and nearly ended his life because of how much he cared about you and his friends."

"He what?" Duo said in shock. He looked at the other man's face searching for something there that would tell him it was some kind of joke or something but saw nothing. His face paled as he realized he was telling the truth about Heero. "But why would he . . . ? How could he . . . ? He really tried to kill himself?"

"Yes he did and why don't you think about that before the next time you choose to confront him like this," the man replied crossing his arms over his chest as Duo ran a hand through his braided hair. "Heero has changed from the war but so have you and not for the better. I don't know what happened or why you have become like this but you need help. You have a problem and you needed to take care of whatever it is or you are going to lose everything and everyone important to you. Think about that and what you want in your life and maybe I will let you see Heero again one day."

For along time Duo was silent lost in his thoughts and of what he had been told. He had never thought that Heero would try to kill himself and if he had then he must have been really upset by what had happened when he had come over. Which meant that at least some of what he had said could be true. That Duo really had been the one to hurt him and that just maybe he hadn't been sleeping with his friends because he wanted to, that he had been forced to as he had said he was.

He didn't know what to think anymore about anything and wondered if what his friends and now Zechs had told him was true. Did he really have a problem and had it nearly cost Heero his life. He wasn't sure about anything anymore and after a few silent minutes he nodded. He needed to think about everything before he saw Heero again and he needed to see Josh and his friends, especially his friends, if he was to find out the truth about that night. If what Heero had told him was true than he had made a terrible mistake, one if he didn't fix, he would regret for the rest of his life.

Zechs moved away from him at his nod and he quickly walked away from him without a word leaving the hospital in search of the answers he needed. The blonde haired man watched him leave and then went back into the room where Noin and Heero were quietly talking to each other. He could see the bruises on the smaller man's arms but other than those he appeared unharmed though a little shaken up by what had happened.

He and Noin stayed for another hour with him until they were sure he was all right and after he had eaten most of his dinner. Zechs was certain his self-induced starvation had something to do with Duo he just wasn't sure how and he had wanted to make sure that seeing the other man hadn't made him return to the habit of not eating when he should. Satisfied that he had eaten what he could of the meal the two told him goodbye after telling him that Quatre and Trowa would be by later and that Relena and Dorothy would be coming the next morning to see him.

Heero only nodded laying back in his bed and they decided to let him have some time to rest before the next pair arrived. Before they left the hospital entirely though he informed his doctor and the nurses on duty that the man with the braided hair named Duo was not to be allowed in Heero's room for any reason. He didn't want Duo to be near Heero again until he was sure the man wouldn't hurt him again as he had earlier. He was willing to give Duo another chance once he took care of whatever problems he had but not until then and certainly not alone."

A/N: well there you go another chapter. I hope you liked it and the conversation between Merian and Heero wasn't to short. I hope you liked the scene between Heero and Duo though I was having trouble with Heero who seemed a little to womanly or something (by the way I am woman so my female readers don't take offense to that ok) but I think it turned out ok and I liked the part between Duo and Zechs. Now Duo has learned about Heero's attempt to kill himself and is beginning to doubt what he believes and has been told. But will he find out the truth and over come his problems in time or will he end up losing both Heero and his friends stay tuned to find out! (ok now I feel like a T. V. announcer or something so bye for now and don't forget to review and vote).


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: sorry for the long wait on this chapter but I have been super busy with the holidays and other things so I haven't had much chance to write. Forgive me please. Anyway thank you all for your reviews and votes, the poll is now closed the winner will be revealed soon so keep reading and reviewing if you want to find out who Heero will be with in the end. I'll give you a hint its not Relena! Of course she wasn't part of the vote so you all know that already but yeah its something right. Anyway on with the chapter.

This chapter is dedicated to Nannah and Lilyoda both of whom messaged me begging me to update. Thanks for waiting so long and enjoy!

Warning: mentions of past rape and angry Duo and really foul language.

Chapter 14. What is the Truth?

Duo raced out of the hospital unable to believe what he had just been told. Heero had tried to kill himself! But why? Why would he do that unless some of what he had said was the truth and Heero had been depressed over everything that had happened. But if that was the case than had Duo really hurt him like that and just what had happened that night with his friends? Was it possible that it hadn't been consensual on Heero's part.

Had his friends raped Heero that night right in front of him and then gotten away with it by blaming it on his lover? How and why would he believe his friends over Heero anyway when he meant so much more to him than his friends did or at least he had once. When had that changed and why had it and what was wrong with him? Nothing was making sense anymore and everything that had happened was now bombarding his thoughts confusing him even more.

He could remember only bits and pieces of the last few months having been drunk quite a bit through out them. That was another thing just when had he started to drink so much? He had always liked the taste of a cool beer and would admit that he had started drinking young, most people on the streets of L2 did, but he had always known his limits and had only used it to relieve his stress so when had it become more than that? When had it become a way of life for him instead of just a once in a while drink with friends?

Could what Quatre and the others said be true? Did he have a problem and had that problem lead to Heero's current condition? Had he hurt the only one he had ever loved simply because he couldn't control his own drinking habits and anger? But when had his drinking and anger become so bad that he would resort to physical violence and why would Heero allow him to do that to him. Heero was so much stronger than him and could easily have stopped him from hurting him so why hadn't he?

He needed answers to all of these questions and the best place to start would be with his friends. He needed to know the truth about that night if he was ever to believe the truth about himself and Heero. He would invite them over tonight for some drinks, their tongues would be easily loosened by some beer, and then wait for them to start talking. He would have to be out of the room for them to discuss what had happened but that would be simple for the former Deathsythe pilot to spy on his friends without them knowing. He certainly hadn't lost any of the skills he had gained from the war yet.

This plan in mind he jumped into his car and drove back to his apartment calling his friends along the way. They all agreed to come of course and he stopped to pick up some beer and chips before going home. He didn't like being in his apartment without Heero it felt so big and empty and cold, like there was something missing. He wondered if that was how Heero had felt when he had forced him to stay alone in the apartment while he went to work. If Heero had felt cold and alone while he had waited everyday for him to come home or had he been relieved that he wasn't there and grateful for the time without him?

Sighing he went into his apartment and put the beer in the fridge to chill for a bit leaving the chips on the table. He had just enough time to change out of his uniform before the others would arrive and he walked down to his room deliberately keeping his eyes away from the closed door of Heero's room. He hadn't gone in that room since the day he had found out Heero was no longer there and couldn't even bring himself to look at it. It hurt to much to see it and know that Heero was no longer living in it, that his things were all gone, and all that was left was a stain on the bed that looked suspiciously like blood.

Pushing those thoughts from his mind he went into his room and quickly changed into a pair of tight fitting jeans and a black sleeveless turtle neck shirt. Once dressed he went back out to the kitchen and poured the chips into a bowl and put them out on the coffee table just as he had done every other time. He didn't want his friends to know anything was up or that he suspected them of doing anything at all to Heero yet.

A half hour later Mike and Greg showed up with another pack of beer and were followed closely by Chris and Rob. Eric was the last to show up and soon they were all sitting around the living room drinking and eating and talking about things that held little importance to anyone. Duo wondered how he had ever thought these men were worth hanging out with as he sat pretending to drink from his beer bottle. Not one of his friends noticed that the amount in his bottle had barely lowered despite all the times he had brought it to his lips while they talked.

He let an hour go by while he laughed and talked with them letting them get relaxed and complacent and more and more alcohol get into their systems. Then he excused himself with a comment of needing to piss. His friends laughed as he pretended to stagger to his feet and stumble down the hallway to the bathroom effectively conveying the idea that he was very drunk. He slammed the door of the bathroom loudly and then silently crept back out to the living room remaining in the shadows of the hallway to listen.

"Duo is such a light weight," Mike chuckled grabbing another beer. The others made sounds of agreement as they gulped down their own drinks. "But he knows how to have fun and he always gets the best beer."

"That's true its just to bad his He-chan isn't here anymore," Rob agreed wistfully. A strange look came over his face as Duo watched and listened, an expression of cruelty and desire. "He had such a cute ass and so tight to. I don't think I have ever had such a good fuck."

"Yeah I know and the sounds he made just turned me on even more," Greg laughed grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them in his mouth before he went on. Duo could feel his anger building as he listened but they still hadn't said whether it was consensual or not yet. "It's no wonder Duo didn't want to share him but at least we got lucky when he left that night. Imagine him leaving us alone with that gorgeous creature he was just asking for something like that to happen."

"I'm just glad he was drunk enough and stupid enough to believe us when we told him that Heero had begged us to fuck him otherwise I think we would have been dead that night." Chris said a slight look of fear filling his eyes as he thought about that night. Duo clenched his fists in anger wanting to beat the crap out of all of them. "I don't know what he did to Heero but I am glad I wasn't him that night. He was murderous."

"Yeah I don't think I have ever been so afraid of anyone in my entire life," Eric agreed as Duo stepped out of the shadows without anyone seeing him yet too absorbed in their drinking to do so. "But man it would have been worth it. What I wouldn't give to see that tight piece of ass tied to the bed and crying again, to listen to his screams and pleas, gave me the best orgasm I have ever had in my life and that's no joke."

The fist that smashed into his face at that moment was not expected at all and the man went tumbling from his seat to fall on the floor his drink shattering on the ground near him. The other four sprang to their feet in surprise to see an enraged Duo glaring at them his fists raised and a look in his eyes that made them think only of the death that awaited them in him. It was to bad none of them had known he was once the Gundam pilot known as Shinigami if they had they all would have been down on their knees begging for mercy by then.

"Shit Duo what the hell are you doing?" Rob demanded looking with wide eyes at Eric who was groaning on the floor and struggling to rise. "Are you insane?"

"I just might be why the hell else would I have believed you over Heero you mother fucking assholes," The former Gundam pilot snarled not understanding how he could ever have considered these men his friends. They were disgusting rapists. 'but am I any better' he pushed that thought aside for later as he concentrated on them. "You raped my lover, I should kill you for that and I would if it wasn't against the law. You should just be glad Heero isn't here right now to press charges or you all would be arrested. Now get out of my apartment and I swear this isn't over not at all."

The four men knew better than to stick around and grabbing their fifth member they quickly left the apartment. Duo watched them leave, his fists remaining clenched at his sides until after they were gone, and then slowly forced himself to relax. He wanted to kill something or at least hurt someone yet the only one he really wanted to hurt was himself for letting that happen and then only worsening it himself.

He had allowed Heero to be brutally raped by his friends and then had punished him for it instead of comforting him and having them arrested for what they had done to his lover. He hadn't even allowed Heero to defend himself but had kept him chained and gagged to the bed in his anger and hurt. He was no better than his former friends. No he was worse because he had actually claimed to love Heero and had still done that to him

His anger rising again he slammed his fist into the wall next to him feeling it sink in under his hand. Breathing heavily he looked at the dent he created and sighed running his hand through his hair. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts. Nothing good would come from him being angry like this. It was his anger that had led to him hurting Heero and he certainly didn't want to do that again to him or anyone else.

Taking another deep breath he forced himself to start cleaning up the room throwing away the empty beer bottles and the bowl of mostly eaten chips. Once finished cleaning he sat down heavily on the couch and put his head in his hands not knowing what to do now. Now that he knew the truth about what his friends had done to Heero what was he to do? How was he to make it up to him for what they had done and what he had had done.

He was beginning to doubt everything he had believed about himself and everyone else. If what Heero said they had done was true then was he telling the truth about what Duo had done to him too. Was Duo truly abusive to him, had he raped him as well, and driven him away and how was he to get him back. Because he still loved Heero and still wanted to be with him but why would Heero ever want to be with him again after all he had done and how could he ever trust him again or even still love him.

He felt tears fill his eyes and flow down his cheeks as he wept for what he had done to the only one he had ever loved. He didn't deserve Heero's love after what he had done to him and he wouldn't blame him at all if he never wanted to have anything to do with him again. But even so he had to make it up to him some how, apologize for everything he had done and allowed to happen to him. There had to be something he could do, some thing that would show how sorry he was and that he didn't hate him or blame him for what had happened, nothing was his fault after all.

Rubbing his eyes he caught sight of it then a piece of metal on the floor nearly covered by the edge of the couch. He picked it up and found that it was a small piece of the Gundam figurine that he had made for Heero. The figurine he had broken and then promised to fix but never had. Heero, or likely Trowa, had taken it when he left so there was no way he could fix it now but maybe he could make him another one. He still had some of the material left and all of his tools in his room he could do it.

It wouldn't be much compared to everything he had done to Heero but it would be something at least. Something to show that he still cared about him and was sorry for all that he had done. It would be a start and he jumped to his feet and rushed to his room to get the things he would need to do it. He found everything tucked away beneath his bed and brought it out to the living room where he resumed his seat on the couch and took out his tools wanting to do it right away.

Hours passed by as he sat there molding and cutting the pieces into the shapes he wanted them to be. He would make this one even better than the first one and less likely to break as well so that Heero wouldn't ever lose this one. He was unaware of the time that passed as he worked, of the sweat that lined his brow, or when his eyes started to sting with the strain of working with such small detailed pieces. Of the continuous darkening and then lightening of the sky outside his window and the cuts and scraps he got on his hands.

He was entirely absorbed in what he was doing, determined to get it done so that he could bring it to Heero in the hospital or if not to him personally then to one of their friends to give to him. He spent the entire night on that couch and well into the morning stopping only briefly for bathroom breaks. He didn't eat or drink or sleep at all as he worked and just as he had completed it his door burst open and Josh stormed in looking upset and worried. Duo blinked at him as he rubbed his eyes and sat back on the couch though he was more interested in the Gundam figurine that now lay in his hands satisfied with his work and feeling marginally better about what had happened.

"Duo are you all right? I talked to the guys and they said you punched Eric in the face and then kicked the rest of them out why?" The young man asked coming around to the couch. Duo said nothing as he tried to get his brain that wanted nothing more than to sleep to keep working. "Have you even slept at all last night you look awful?"

"I don't know I was busy working on something," he told him putting the figurine down on the table and standing up to stretch his now sore limbs. "What time is it anyway?"

"It's eight in the morning Duo you're lucky we didn't have work today or Lady Une would be pissed," Josh replied his hands on his hips as he looked at the other man with his messy hair that was coming out of its braid and his rumpled clothing and blood shot eyes. "Now you want to tell me what happened last night. Did you really punch Eric and nearly break his jaw."

"Eric . . .punch . . ." Duo began for a moment having forgotten about what had happened the night before in his tiredness and then it came back and the anger returned to his face. "Damn right I did and if he was here now I would punch him again the asshole."

"Why what did he do? Did he say something when all of you were drinking last night," The other man asked surprised by Duo's anger. He had only ever seen the happy go lucky Duo that was always smiling and cheerful. This angry Duo scared him a little and he could see now why he had been a Gundam pilot.

"Yeah he said something all right, him and the rest of them but he was the worst and the closest," the former Deathsythe pilot growled his fist clenching at his sides again as he remembered everything that had happened the night before. "They were all talking about that night with Heero and how much they enjoyed it."

"Look I can understand why that would get you angry, being reminded of your ex-lovers unfaithfulness has to hurt but that doesn't mean you should hit the guy," Josh told him with what was supposed to be an understanding smile but he didn't even have the first clue about what was going on. "I think Duo that you should go in and take a shower, eat something, and then apologize to Eric and the others. Tell them you were drunk and over reacted and you're sorry all right."

"Hell no, for one thing I wasn't drunk and he deserved what he got. He actually deserved more than that and so did the rest of them, they're just lucky I didn't kill them," Duo snapped to Josh's surprise and confusion. He took a small step back from him not wanting to upset the Preventer anymore than he already was. "They fucking raped Heero that night. All of them and then they blamed it on him and I believed them and punished him for it. They're all fucking rapists and if I could have gotten away with it I would have killed them for what they did to him."

"They raped him are you sure? You were drinking last night maybe you didn't hear right?" The brown haired man suggested finding it hard to believe that their friends would actually do something like that. "And why would they do that to Heero?"

"Yeah I'm sure and I wasn't drinking they only thought I was so I could spy on them and find out what really happened that night," He told him running his hand through his hair and thinking of what he needed to do that day. He would have to find some way to give the figurine to Heero. "And they did it because they wanted to. Because they thought he would be a good fuck and he was and because he couldn't stop them and I wasn't there to stop them either."

"So what are you going to do now?" Josh asked a strange almost worried look filling his eyes and clouding his face as he spoke. "Are you going to go back to him? Beg him to take you back, that you're sorry you didn't believe him but you do now?"

"I don't know, I'm going to apologize at least, hope he can forgive me, but I doubt he will take me back after everything that happened," Duo replied deflating slightly as his anger left him leaving him filled with grief and regret. "I still love him and maybe he still loves me but I don't know what will happen now."

"And what about me Duo?" He wondered his green eyes lowering as he crossed his arms over his chest. Duo said nothing not really knowing what to say, he had been so over whelmed by what had happened the night before he hadn't even thought about him and Josh. "I thought we had something together. But now that you know Heero wasn't unfaithful you're just going to go back to him and forget about me and what we have?"

"Josh please I like you a lot but what we had was nothing serious and I love Heero I always have and I think I always will," the former pilot told him nearly pleading with him to understand. He had never wanted to hurt him but he never should have started flirting with him or dating him in the first place. He had been upset about Heero being unfaithful when it was really him that was cheating on the former Wing pilot. "Please understand and let it go you will find someone else soon enough I'm sure."

"Why would you want him over me? You told me he was nothing but a cold heartless bastard of a soldier who knew nothing about how to love someone," Josh replied knowing he was begging the other man to stay with him but not caring. He wanted Duo and he wasn't willing to give him up just yet. "Wouldn't you rather be with someone who could care about you and treat you right. Someone who knew what it took to be in a relationship and who would one day want to start a family? Do you really think Heero would ever want that he probably only wanted you for the sex and nothing else."

"No Heero isn't like that. I never understood but he did love me. He wouldn't have let me treat him the way I did if he didn't," Duo replied knowing it was true. He still didn't want to believe that he had really abused him and even raped him but he was finding it harder and harder to believe that he hadn't. "He is better than what I deserve and I will do whatever it takes to get him to forgive me if that is even possible so I think it would be best if you left now. I'll see you at work later all right."

"So you would really rather have that bastard over me. Even after he left you and tried to get you to stop going out with your friends and having a drink sometimes," the young man snapped his eyes blazing with anger. Duo frowned feeling his own anger rise in defense of Heero. He had only been trying to help and he knew that now. "He doesn't deserve you. He only wanted to change you and make you into something you aren't I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't ever leave you either and I wouldn't deny you any part of me. So how could you want some cold hearted slut rather than me."

What happened next was something neither one of them was expecting and put all of the former Deathsythe pilot's doubts to rest. His fist sprang out and caught the smaller man on the side of his face. Josh fell back landing hard on his butt to stare up at him with wide shock filled eyes. Duo had never intended to hit him but he had been so enraged by what he had called Heero that he had done it without thought and now he knew that if he could hit Josh like that than he could certainly hurt Heero to.

"I'm sorry Josh I didn't mean to do that," He told him staring down at the man in shock and remorse as he unclenched his hand with a soft sigh. "But I really think it would be best if you left please. I have a lot of things I need to work through and I can't be with anyone right now."

After a moment Josh nodded and got to his feet quickly leaving the apartment without a look back. For the second time in the last few hours Duo felt tears come to his eyes and flow down his face as he let go of all the lies he had held onto for the last few months. He knew the truth, about Heero and himself, and no amount of lying could change that anymore. He had hurt Heero he knew that now and there was no longer anyway to deny even if he had wanted to.

But what was he to do now, he couldn't go to see Heero now, he didn't trust himself not to hurt him without meaning to like he had done the last time he saw him. No he needed time to think everything through and make some changes. but how he didn't know what to do or who to turn to too get the help he needed. Should he try to call one of his friends and would they help him if he did. After everything they had done to Heero he wouldn't blame them if they didn't but he couldn't do this on his own he knew that.

Wiping the tears from his eyes he caught sight of the figurine he had spent all night making again and made up his mind. If nothing else he had to get that figurine to Heero and he was now certain he couldn't deliver it himself. Sitting back on the couch he took out his cellphone and dialed a well known number waiting as he listened to it ring a couple times before the other person picked up on the other end.

"Hey it's me Duo," He said softly rubbing at his eyes and sniffling a little. The other person greeted him with concern in their voice and he gave a small smile at the sound of it. "I'm all right but do you think you could come over for a bit I need to talk to you?"

He was glad when they said they would and hung up after that to wait for them. He didn't know what he would say to them when they got there or if they would agree to help him but this was the only chance he had so all he could do was hope it would work out all right. He picked up the Gundam figurine and held it in his hand thinking of the man who had once piloted it and everything he had done to him. He had broken him, he knew that now, and he could only pray that he could still be fixed

It didn't take long for the person to arrive and like Josh they came right in since his door was unlocked. He got to his feet to look at the unibanged young man and the tears came again. He had done so much wrong but now he was hoping to make some of it right and he was surprised when the other hugged him his face expressionless but his eyes concerned. He was still his friend, he still cared about him, and he was glad that he at least still had that if nothing else.

"I need your help Trowa," He told him his voice soft and shaky. Trowa made a small noise in response neither agreeing or disagreeing and he went on. "I have a problem."

He didn't know what he expected to happen when said that but he was surprised when he looked at his friend and found him smiling back at him. For Trowa who rarely smiled it meant a lot and as he nodded agreeing to everything he had said and all that he hadn't he felt a small feeling of warmth within his despair. He buried his face in Trowa's chest and wept bitterly while he held him taking what he hoped would be the first step in his recovery.

A/N: well there you haven't chapter 14 and I have to say that I really like it and I hope you all like it to. Duo finally knows the truth about himself and his friends and is now regretting everything he did. Will he be able to get over his drinking problem and his anger issues and will Trowa be able to get him the help he needs. By the way what did you think of Josh this will probably be his one and only moment in the spot light so I hope you enjoyed him. I haven't decided yet or not if he is going to show up again in the story other than possible small mentions.

Quick question does anybody out there feel bad for Duo now and like him a bit better than before? Just wondering so feel free to tell me if you do or not and please review.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: Gomen, Gomen, Gomen Nasai. Please forgive me for taking so long to update but I have been super busy and have been sick twice so I didn't have much time to write but I am back and updating now yeah. Before I get on with the story though there is one thing I want to address a lot of people made comments in their reviews about Trowa forgiving Duo so easily and stuff so let me set that straight. Trowa has not forgiven Duo at all but he is still his friend and willing to help him when he asks for it which was why he went to his apartment after he called him ok. So anyway now on with the story and remember to review. I now have over a hundred reviews on this story yeah so keep it coming and thank you all.

This chapter is dedicated to Lilyoda my most faithful reviewer and to my new reviewer Creotiaflayier who inspired me with their review and their story thank you so much (you were also my one hundred reviewer yeah).

Warning: ah not a whole lot to warn about in this one maybe some language and talk of past events but nothing really bad

Chapter 15. The First Steps.

Trowa griped the steering wheel tightly in his hand's as he drove to the hospital. For the first time in memory he was having trouble controlling his anger and his stoic. Expressionless, mask was beginning to crack as he struggled to keep hold of it. He hadn't been expecting Duo's call that morning at all and at first he had been sorely tempted to tell him to solve his own problems after what he had done to Heero but he couldn't do it and agreed to come in the end.

Though he hadn't forgiven Duo by any means he had known the man to long and been through to much with him for him to just abandon him no matter what he had done. He had been shocked at the sight of him, his eyes blood shot with dark circles under them and his hair a mess, and could only allow him to hug him as he sobbed into his shirt. He was quite certain Duo hadn't gotten any sleep the night before and once he got him to calm down enough he got him to explain what was going on and why he had called him.

What he was told had shocked him to his core and lead to his present wavering control of his anger. Not only had Heero been raped by Duo but also by Duo's former friends and the braided man had until recently believed them over his former lover. He had wanted to kill Duo in that moment but the look of sincere regret and guilt on his face and in his voice had kept him from doing so. Duo had begged for Trowa's forgiveness but Trowa had told him it wasn't him who needed to forgive him only Heero could do that if he wanted to.

Trowa had reluctantly consoled him and agreed to get him the help he needed. A quick call to Quatre, after he had promised to tell him everything that had happened, had gotten Duo a place in a well known rehab center where one of the Winner sister's worked. Duo would also be in therapy, taking anger management classes, and on an extended leave of absence from the preventors. Une had been more than willing to give that leave to Duo and Merian had recommended a good therapist for him that specialized in helping war orphans and those who had grown up on the streets. They all hoped Duo would be able to get his life back on track and perhaps eventually be able to be their friend again.

Duo had packed a few things to take with him and Trowa had driven him to the rehab center where he stayed until he checked in. The braided man had thanked him and handed him a figurine of Heero's gundam with a note that he begged him to give to the other man. Trowa had reluctantly agreed to take it and left after that still upset about what he had been told, what had been done to his friend. He now understood why Heero didn't like to be touched, what had driven him to the point of suicide, and why he no longer had any sense of self worth.

Heero had always had a problem with seeing any worth in his life. The reason why he had so easily followed Dr. J's orders to self-destruct during the war. His life had always been second to the mission and to everyone else's and the suffering he had been through with Duo had only strengthened that belief. His body had been used and abused until there was almost nothing left of it and his mind had been broken. He now knew why Heero had hidden in the closet like a terrified child the day he had come for him. By that point all he had known was pain and trying to find some way to lesson the beatings by not doing anything to anger Duo.

At least now though he knew what exactly had been done to Heero and to some existent why as well. He would be able to tell the others what he had learned and hopefully Merian would be able to use it to help him get better. She was slowly getting him to open up little by little though Heero had never been one for talking and getting him to do so was like using the jaws of life on a car. The doctors were pleased however with his progress as he had gained weight and gotten more sleep and had told Quatre that so long as he made no more attempts on his life he would be able to go home as soon as next week with him. His doctor still wanted him to come in for regular check ups though and informed of anything that happened to him and he was to keep up with his therapy as well but he was improving and that was something at least.

Trowa sighed softly as he pulled into the hospital parking lot and forced himself to calm down. It wouldn't do to let Heero see him angry as in the mind set he was in now he would probably believe it was somehow his fault and he had no desire to upset him or lower his self-esteem anymore than it currently was. He made his way quickly up to Heero's room and wasn't at all surprised to find Quatre, Wufei, and Merian there as well as Sally who looked to be giving him a cheek up much to the young man's displeasure as he glared at the woman who had the guile to ignore it and simply smile at him in return.

He almost smiled at that but couldn't bring himself to do it as he walked into the room carrying the gift from duo in his arms. Heero was the first to notice him as he was the only one facing the direction of the door and his face paled when he saw the object in his hands. That of course caught the attention of the others and nearly as one they turned toward him, Quatre grinning as he hugged him and gave him a peck on the cheek, none of them failing to notice what he had brought with him.

"How did everything go Tro love?" the small blonde asked his curiosity reflected in the faces of the others gathered in the room. "Is Duo all right?"

"Yeah, he had an interesting night it seems," Trowa told them ignoring Wufei's look of disgust and keeping his eyes mostly on Heero afraid of how he would react to his news. "He found out the truth about something his friends did to Heero a few weeks ago and nearly hurt a friend of his. It made him realize we were right and he really did have a problem he needed help to take care of."

"Well its about time the baka," Wufei huffed his arms crossed over his chest as he frowned not really caring at all about his fellow former pilot. In his eyes right now the man had no honor or sense of justice and Trowa knew he would have a hard time forgiving the man for all of this if the time ever came for him to. "So what did he call you for?"

"He wanted me to help him get into a rehab for his drinking problem," The unibanged man replied still looking at Heero who was frowning though there was a nearly hidden look of hope in his eyes as he went on. "He has also agreed to take anger management classes and to undergo therapy while he is there"

"Good I am glad he is getting the help he needs," Quatre said with a sigh of relief. He glanced at Heero who seemed unable to speak and squeezed his hand gently. The cobalt eyed man smiled slightly in response to it. "Perhaps there is still hope for him to be the Duo we knew and loved again."

"That is his hope as well and he has requested that none of us come to visit him until he has been released from Rehab. He says he needs some time alone to figure some things out and get his head right again," Trowa told them. There were nods of agreement from all of them save Heero who still had shown no real reaction. "But he wants all of you to know he is sorry for everything that has happened and he cares about all of us still especially you Heero," He paused moving closer to the man on the bed and holding out the letter and figurine. "He wanted me to give these to you, said he stayed up all night making it to replace the one he broke, and hoped that it would help to pay back for some small amount of what he did to you."

Heero gave a small nod as he took the items from the other man cradling the figurine in his hand while he clutched the letter in the other. The wing zero statue was even better than the first one Duo had made for him, more detailed and slightly lighter as well. It was beautiful and Heero actually smiled a little as he held it ignoring the letter for now. Duo had kept his word, though it was months later, and made him a new figurine as he had said he would and he had stayed up all night to do it too.

What did that mean? Was Duo truly sorry for what he had done to Heero and allowed his friends to do? Did that mean Heero hadn't deserved what had been done to him? That he hadn't done anything wrong to deserve such punishments from him? But if Heero hadn't done anything wrong to make Duo hurt him than why had he done it and who was to blame for it? Perhaps the problem wasn't with Heero at all but with Duo and he had just been unfortunate enough to get in the way of his problems.

If that were the case than could Heero ever forgive Duo for what he had done to him. For the way he had treated him when he had done nothing to deserve such treatment. Could he ever love Duo again and did Duo really love him. He had no answers to his questions and the only one who had them was Duo himself who had willingly locked himself away from all of them while he got the treatment he needed. But he had his letter and perhaps within it were some of the answers he needed.

Putting the figurine down on the bed next to him he looked at the letter for the first time. It was a plain off white envelope with just his name on it and looked innocent enough but he couldn't bring himself to open it. Flashes of what had happened the last time he had seen Duo filled his mind making him fearful and hesitant to hear anything else he had to say. His arms still carried the bruises from where he had grabbed him to shake him and he felt himself start to tremble slightly in remembrance of how he had almost hit him again and would have if not for Zechs's intervention.

"You don't have to read it alone if you don't want too," Quatre said softly reminding him that the others were still there. He looked at him knowingly and Heero nodded thankful for his support. "We can read it with you."

"Would you please I can't read it," Heero replied quietly handing him the letter. The blonde nodded and took it from him, silently opening it to read it aloud to them.

My Dear He-chan,

I know I have no right to call you that anymore but I hope you will forgive me this one endearment though I know I have no right to it. I don't even know where to begin this letter and never thought I would ever be writing one like this but there is so much I have to tell you and so much I have to beg of you that it had to be done.

I stayed up all last night working on making a new Wing Zero figurine for you and trying to figure out how to write this letter as some pathetic attempt to make up for some small part of what I have done to you. All I could think about last night was how much I had hurt you the only who has ever loved me and the only one I have ever loved. How I drove you away from me and created the fearful person I saw in that hospital room.

I am sickened by what I have reduced you to and pray that our friends, if I can still include them as mine, will help you to heal and become the man you once were again. The man I admired for his strength and determination and who would never back down to anyone especially me. You should never bow to anyone Heero and deserve so much better than me and what I have given you. I don't know how to even try to explain my actions and reasons but I will and know that I offer no excuses for there are none to give for the things I have done and allowed to happen.

As you know I grew up on the streets of L2 where I witnessed abuses no child should ever have to see and a multitude of death and destruction including that of my best friend Solo. I saw people lose themselves in drinks and drugs and hurt the ones they loved and vowed I would never be like them. I would never lose control of myself or stoop to such levels, I would be better than them, but my vow was obviously a hollow one.

For a long time I was afraid to let anyone near me least they would hurt me or myself them but you Heero you got close to me because I believed you were the only one I could never hurt. You survived self-destructing your gundam after all you could certainly survive me. So I allowed myself to love you and bring you into my life more deeply than I ever have anyone else. I should have known better than to do so for your sake and not my own.

I don't know why I turned to drinking I just remember being stressed from work and going out one night just to get away and have a little fun. I drank that night just a little believing that I could handle it because I knew what happened when someone got drunk and I was determined that it wouldn't happen to me but somehow it did and you suffered for it. I found that I liked the way alcohol made me feel and the new friends I had made and somehow they became more important to me than you.

That first night I hurt you by forcing myself on you was a bad night for me. I was overly stressed, drunk, as I realize now, and had been nearly raped outside of the bar on my way home. I had forgotten about it until now but I now realize that I took out my fear and self-loathing for what had almost happened to me out on you who didn't deserve to be treated in such a way. But it was so easy to take all of those feelings out on you, to blame you for them, and you took them without complaint.

Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that you deserved what I did to you because you had made me angry over something stupid I'm sure and I became what I had always told myself I would never be. And then I became even worse when I flirted with Josh and made you feel inadequate, I am sure that's why you were starving yourself isn't it Heero, because you didn't want to lose me, someone who wasn't even worth keeping.

I am so sorry for what I have done to you, you deserved none of it and I want you to know that. I am sorry for what my friends did to you that night and for how I believed them over you. I should have known you would never cheat on me like that, would never have given your body to anyone else, for you were always completely faithful to me as I haven't been to you and would understand if you never forgave me for all that I have done but I hope you will find it in your heart to someday.

I am sure Trowa has told you already but I have gone into rehab and will be taking classes for my anger and therapy as well. I am a very sick person Heero and I can't be around you or anyone else right now which is why I asked him to tell you all that I don't want any visits from anyone until I am better. This is something I must do alone but know that you still have my love and always will and I hope that when I get out you will be willing to at least talk to me just once even if you never want to have anything else to do with me again.

Just see me one more time Heero so I can apologize to you in person and then I swear you will never have to see me ever again. I will go somewhere far away and let you live your life however you wish and with whomever you wish I promise. I hope you find someone to love you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated though I won't lie to you that I hope you won't and that you will be willing to give me a second chance if you could find it in your heart to. I will understand if you don't though and won't ask you to, it will be your choice and your choice alone I promise. Goodbye for now though I hope not forever.

Love,

Duo (a.k.a Baka).

When Quatre finished reading the letter he folded it back up without a word and gave it back to Heero who clutched it with tears running down his face. Sally looked torn between anger at Duo for what he had done and sorrow for what he had been through and there were tears shining in Merian's eyes. Wufei and Trowa were both expressionless but Quatre knew they had both been affected by what they had heard as he had and he felt sorry for Duo though he was still angry with him as well.

For along time they were all silent each wrapped up in their own thoughts about the braided man who had been their friend. They could hear the sincerity and sorrow in the letter but that it didn't make up for what he had done to Heero and they each knew that none of them would truly forgive him unless the former wing pilot did first. Heero however had lowered his face away from them as he wiped the tears from his eyes and his thoughts were hidden from them all.

"Heero," Wufei said quietly once several minutes of silence had passed. The brown haired man on the bed looked at him silently in response and was surprised by the anger he saw in his eyes. "What did Maxwell mean about you cheating on him and giving your body to someone else. Is it about what Trowa said his friends did to you? Did they . . . Did they rape you Heero?"

Quatre's face paled at his words as he looked at his friend who tensed and shrunk back away from them. Sally and Merian were looking at him to, the Asian woman writing something down in her notebook as she did. Trowa was the only one who didn't seem surprised or upset by Wufei's question and he took Heero's hand who tensed further but didn't try to pull it away. They exchanged silent words and then the blue eyed man gave a slight nod to the other man before he looked at their friends again.

"Yes he was," The green eyed man told them having been told the story by Duo earlier and answering for the other man who couldn't do it for himself as he turned away from them unable to watch their reactions. "Duo had a party one night and left Heero alone with his friends to get more beer. There were five of them and they forced Heero into his room and chained him to his bed and then took turns forcing themselves on him until Duo came back and found them but he believed his friends over Heero and punished him for cheating on him with his friends. He found out the truth last night when he spied on them and that's what lead him to believe that we were right and he needed help."

"That bastard, you should have let me kill him back at the manor," Wufei growled his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Fortunately he didn't have his Katana with him as the hospital wouldn't allow weapons inside so there wasn't much he could do. "I don't care if he has realized his mistakes he doesn't deserve your forgiveness Heero and I hope you don't give it to him. You can find someone better than him like he said who will treat you right."

"That's enough Wufei," Merian said quietly cutting off his rant. He glared at her and crossed his arms over his chest but said nothing else as she gave her notebook to Sally and walked over to the bed. "It's going to be alright Heero and I know I speak for everyone here when I say that no one here hates you for what was done to you by Duo or those men," She paused as Heero looked up at her tears in his eyes and she glanced at the others, especially Wufei who was sulking a bit. "And that none of us will be angry with you if you chose to forgive Duo. We will always care for you and be your friend no matter what you decide."

Heero stared at her for a moment without speaking and then glanced at the others in uncertainty. Quatre and Trowa both nodded right away as the taller of the two took the other into his arms and Sally nodded as well all three smiling reassuringly at him. When he came to Wufei the Chinese man did nothing at first except glare at his arms and then slowly he nodded as well his arms dropping to his sides as he forced himself to let go of his anger

"Thank you," He nearly whispered and then broke down completely as the young woman took him into her arms.

She held him while he cried for really the first time since everything had started all those months ago. Cried for what had been done to him and for what had been done to Duo as well and he let go of his self-loathing. He hadn't deserved any of what had been done to him, he knew that now, and it was like a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He wasn't worthless and he deserved to be loved he knew that and now he just needed to accept that.

It would take time he knew he had barely begun his healing but he would heal in time and things would get better he was sure of that now. Duo would get better and maybe one day he would forgive him for everything that had happened. But he didn't know if he could ever be with him again, not after everything he had suffered from him, didn't know if he would ever be able to trust him again. But it was a start at least and they were both getting the help they needed so he was glad for that at least.

He cried for along time until he had worn himself out completely and Merain continued to hold him the whole time. She spoke softly to him with comforting words and rubbed his back soothingly until he had fallen asleep in her arms. She felt him go limp and gently with some help from Trowa lowered him back down on the bed so he could rest. Despite the tear stains on his cheeks his face was peaceful in sleep as it hadn't been for a long time and he looked very young and innocent even with all he had suffered recently.

"I think it is safe to say that he has taken his first steps toward healing but it is only the first step and he still has a long way to go," She told them as she straightened and moved away from the bed giving them, and especially Wufei, a pointed look. "It is essential that from now on we support him and whatever decisions he makes unless they are physically harmful. If any of us turn away from him for any reason then he could go sliding right back down to the way he was before. I mean it to even if he chooses to forgive Duo you must all still support him and let him know that it is ok regardless of your own feelings is that understood, Wufei?"

"Yes stupid onna," The Asian man growled and glared at her when she smacked him on the head for his comment.

Merian frowned at her boyfriend but smiled when the others quickly nodded in agreement not wanting to be hit as well. They stayed there for a few minutes longer watching the former pilot sleep and then quietly they all left the room to let him get some rest. There would be time to talk to him more about all of this later after he had gotten some rest and they had a chance to think about it all themselves. They now understood better than they had before what he had suffered and how he had gotten to this point and hoped that with this knowledge they could help him heal and return to the friend they had once known again.

A/N: well there you go the long awaited chapter 15 and I am so sorry about how long it took to put it up and the crappiness of it. I am not sure how I feel about this chapter but I hope you all like it. To let you all know there will be a time skip next chapter to a few months later to show Heero's progress and the story should be ending soon. I am thinking by 3 or 4 more chapters but probably no more than that and I promise to have them up sooner than this one so hang in there who ever I have left reading this story I swear it will be finished sooner or later.

Oh and no flames about the Duo/Heero thing. I want to remind you all that I had you vote on the pairing so don't blame me if you don't like it and I haven't yet said if Heero is going to get back together with Duo so don't gripe at me about it ok. Other than that I hope you enjoy and review please.


	16. Chapter 16

Hello all my wonderful and loyal readers. I really hate doing these and reading them from other writers but I felt it was necessary due to my long and continued absence from my stories. I had planed to update all of my stories back in February and have the next chapters for all of them started and nearly half way done however something's happened that I wasn't expecting and I was unable to continue writing for a while.

First my family had a crisis we were dealing with for most of February and March leaving me with no time to write and no desire to which has never happened to me before. Usually no matter what is happening I use writing as my escape and relaxer but I was so shocked and upset by what one of my siblings had done that I couldn't feel any inspiration to write anything even though I wanted to so I apologize for that.

I also I got a new job that has been having me work near forty hours a week getting a new store ready to open at the end of the month and have been to exhausted to write anything due to that as well. However I want to assure you all that I do plan to continue and finish all of them as I know how upsetting it is when you get into a good story and then its never updated again by the writer and refuse to do that to my readers.

That said though I have decided that I don't right now have the time to work on six different stories at once, a decision that I have debated on for several months now. Therefore I am giving all of my readers a chance to vote on which stories they want me to continue and finish first. All five of my current Harry Potter stories will be in this poll and it will be up until after I have finished posting all of my newest chapters which I plan to do as soon as I can. The only story that wont be on the poll is my gundam wing story as it is the only one I am currently working on and close to the end so that one I will finish regardless of the poll.

So please vote on which stories you want to see most and the two with the most votes are the ones I will concentrate on for now until I have finished them and can work on the others. Also as a treat and apology to all of you I am putting sneak peaks of the next chapters of all my stories up in this note as well as a sneak peak of another story I am thinking of writing and two other story plots I may write once I finish some of my other ones if you like them so let me know and any ideas would be greatly appreciated. So enjoy and vote please. (I will except votes in reviews to for those not members of fan fiction put please vote on the poll to if you can.

Sneak Peaks

A Warm Summers Night

A half hour later they arrived at Quatre's manor and Rashid pulled the car up to the steps leading to the front door before climbing out and opening the door for them. Heero followed Quatre and Trowa out of the car still holding his duffle bag in one hand. The blonde man lead them through to the living room where the rest of his friends were gathered around a table layered with food, including a cake, and a banner hanging from the ceiling that said "Welcome home Heero".

Deeply touched Heero could think of nothing to say as he was surrounded by his friends. He received hugs from Releana, Sally, Noin and even Dorothy and a smile of welcome from Merian, who knew how much he didn't like to be touched so kept her distance. Zechs and Wufei both patted him on the back and Lady Une nodded to him with a small smile. Heero couldn't believe they were all there for him, never in his life had he believed that he would ever have friends like this, and it was overwhelming to him.

For so long he had been alone, the cold, uncaring soldier that neither needed nor wanted friends. Relationships were liabilities that he couldn't afford during his training or the war. Dr. J had taught him not to make himself vulnerable to such things and for along time he had been able to keep his distance from others until first Duo and then the other Gundam pilots had forced themselves past his walls and created friendships with him he had before never believed possible for him. The others had followed soon after until he had come to this point and saw just how cared for he actually was.

Who Do You Turn To

Harry woke the next morning wrapped in a pair of strong warm arms and smiled as thoughts of the night before came back to him. Last night had been the most amazing experience of his life so much better than his time with Ron it didn't even compare. His body felt sore but it was a good sore and he snuggled happily into the warm chest of the one holding him a soft groan sounding at his movements.

"Morning Love," the voice was soft and husky with sleep. As the arms around him tightened Harry looked up into blurry grey eyes blinking open. "Sleep well?"

"Yes very well," The black haired boy replied smiling happily at the other who grinned back at him. "Last night was amazing love."

"Well I am glad you think so," Draco said with a chuckle turning onto his side to look down at him while he ran his hand slowly up and down his arm." I hope to spend many more amazing nights and days with you."

A Peasants Heart

"Wow mate,"

"Look at her,"

"She's beautiful,"

Draco turned as he overheard the Weasley twins who were staring at something on the stairs. His eyes followed their gaze and a grin broke out across his face as he rushed toward the stairs. There was Lily looking beautiful in an emerald green dress and her hair pulled up in a bun. She looked nervous and scared as she made her way down the stairs behind the Lords Black and he chuckled softly at the sight. She glanced up and caught sight of him and a faint blush colored her face as he held out his hand to her.

"Good evening Lady Lily I am so glad you were able to come," The prince told her as she placed her hand in his and he lead her from the stairs. "I have been waiting all night to dance with you."

Saving Harry

Still it was up to Harry to tell him and he wouldn't push him to do so. To many people had already tried to force him to bend to their will and he refused to be one of them. So despite his concern and frustration he remained quiet and tried to be the friend the smaller boy so desperately needed. Talking to him and comforting him at night and during the day and playing games with him like chess, gobstones, and exploding snap. Harry was decent at exploding snap and had little experience with gobstones, but he was willing to learn, what he excelled at though was wizarding chess.

It took a few games for his skill to come out but one afternoon a few weeks after coming to their new home Harry had beaten them terribly. The gob smacked expression on the younger boy's face as he stared at his pieces dancing in victory was enough to send Draco into chest holding laughter despite his defeat. Eventually Harry had started laughing to until they both had tears in their eyes and he told him about how he had never been able to defeat Ron the one who had originally taught him how to play. Draco frowned at the mention of the name and with some coaxing had gotten the boy to admit that he had always held back when playing with the red head not wanting to upset him.

That confession had lead to another about how he had always played dumb in school so as not to upset Hermione. He wasn't super smart or a book warm like her but if he had shown his true intelligence he would be excelling in more than just DADA. Draco had been shocked to discover just how good he was in charms, transfiguration and even potions, that had of course been a surprise to Snape as well when he had told his godfather later that evening. He was decent in COMC, astrology, and history and obviously horrible in divination, but then who wouldn't be with a nut like Trelawny teaching the class which was why Draco had refused to take the class.

The Darkness That Hid the Light

The creation of Voldemort, a psychopath that desired the death of all muggles, muggleborns and full control of the wizarding world, had brought Albus back to the front. Suddenly the wizarding world was under the attack again and they needed their protector, the defeater of the evil Grindelwald, again. Albus willingly but yet again humbly became the leader of the light side and gathered a group of idiotically loyal followers.

The Weasley's had been the easiest after a well placed attack had killed Molly's twin brothers. The woman was a fervent follower of his though her husband was less so and their children hard to control. The eldest three had already escaped his grasp and the youngest three boys, the twins and Ronald, always seemed cautiously supportive of him. The girl, Ginerva, however was as loyal to him as her mother and he had many plans for her eventually.

Another group of interest to him had been the marauders, Lily and Severus. Lily most of all as he had known the moment he saw her she was no muggleborn Evans. Her power and charm had been far to reminiscent of Riddles when he was at the school and her caring heart and healing abilities were far to much like Poppy's for it to have been a coincidence. It was obvious to him she was the child they had given up and he tried to gain control of her but she had been to untrusting of him to allow it. In the end the only ones he had been able to convince to follow him were Severus and Peter and he had been forced to kill Lily and James.

A Broken Dream

The next three days were like hell for Harry as he waited anxiously for the next trial date to find out if he and Ginny would be allowed to divorce. He wanted this all to be over with and to know that his son would be able to stay with him. He hadn't seen him since he had gotten back from the first appearance with the judge as he had taken a turn for the worse after Draco had performed another set of spells on him. Harry's body had immediately began to tremble violently as it went pale as a sheet and his eyes rolled to the back of his head blood dripping from the corner of his mouth in a full blown seizure.

Draco had called for help from his mother, who was also a qualified healer though she hadn't gone into a career with it, and both of his parents had come rushing into help him. None of them had noticed the little boy who slipped into the room behind them as they worked desperately to stop the seizure and save the man's life. It wasn't until after they had stopped the fit and got Harry into a healing sleep that they had heard the little boy sobbing and sniffling by the door. The poor child looked absolutely terrified as he stared at his father as if he thought the man was dead. Narcissa had tried to comfort the boy but he wouldn't go near them after seeing the spots of blood on their clothes and hands.

Reluctantly they had decided to send for Lucas's relatives to take him for a couple of days as they didn't know how Harry would be when he woke up. As Remus and Sirius were giving a guest lecture at the school they had sent for the twins knowing Harry wouldn't want him near Molly. Fred and George had come immediately and Fred had taken the boy into his arms while he sobbingly told them what had happened to his daddy. They happily agreed to take their nephew and promised to keep him away from Ginny and their mother until Draco said it was ok to bring him back.

Here are the story ideas I have that I may write later on if you liked them. First is a sneak peek of an untitled story in which Harry is imprisoned in Azkaban for the murder of Cedric Diggory. A plot that has been used before but one I think I have an original idea for.

The person was so layered in dirt and grime that he couldn't tell right away that they were naked beneath it all. Their hair was long and matted covering their face and most of their arms that appeared to beheld tightly around something he couldn't see.

"Hello," Lucius said softly not wanting to frighten the person further. The figure tensed at the sound of his voice and drew in tighter to itself. "Do you understand me?"

The person said nothing only started rocking back and forth the trembling increasing. Moving closer to them Lucius finally saw what was being held in their arms so protectively. It was a bundle of rags and as he knelt in front of them he heard a soft voice mumbling what sounded vaguely like endearments and promises of protection. In pity of the poor creature the man realized that they believed they were holding a baby instead of just dirty rags.

It seemed they had come to late for this one as it appeared there was nothing left of their sanity to save. Shaking his head in sympathy he moved to stand up and leave them to their insane wanderings until he heard something that stopped him clod in his tracks. A soft gurgle of glee came from the rags in response to the persons voice. In shock he brought his hand to the bundle and getting no reaction from the prisoner moved some of the cloth aside to reveal the face of a tiny infant with tuffs of black hair and green eyes.

"Oh sweet Merlin,"

The other two I have nothing written for yet so I will only give you a summary of the plots here. The first one is based off of several stories I have read where James and Lily are alive and Harry has siblings. In this story Harry's older brother William is the boy who lived and Harry is extremely abused by James and Lily due to Lily nearly dying while in labor with him the night of Voldemorts attack. James and Lily hate him for what happened that night and Harry goes to Hogwarts with little socialization or love shown to him except by his brother who is very protective of his younger brother but unaware of the abuse he has suffered from their parents which will be explained in the story. It will be Draco/Harry eventually, have good Malfoys and Severus and bad Potters and Dumbledore.

The second one I haven't come up with a full plot for yet but it will be a gundam wing/ Harry potter crossover in which Harry and Heero will be brothers that are unaware of that. Takes place after both wars and four of the pilots, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, and Duo go to Hogwarts after discovering they are wizards while Heero disappears returning to Dr. J who survived the war. The four boys discover Harry is abused and that he has a younger brother and go in search of him and Heero unaware that they are the same person. Will have evil Dr. J and Dumbledore, good malfoys and severus and alive Remus and Sirius. Pairings will be Draco/Harry, Trowa/Quatre, Duo/Heero and Wufei/Charlie Weasley and that's all I have for now.

So I hope you enjoyed and vote and review for all of my stories including the plots at the end. If no one does than I will assume you all don't like any of them and won't continue with any of them so its very important that you vote and review please.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: no own gundam boys kay

Voldyismoldy: Gomen, Gomen, Gomen Nasai. I am so sorry about how long it is taking me to update this story and I have no excuse so I won't give any. I will however promise again that I will one day complete this story, as it is almost done, though I won't promise quicker updates as my promises with those don't mean much. I will try to update sooner though. Anyway thank you to those few people who reviewed and are still waiting patiently for this story to continue and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Warning: none really no bad stuff in this chapter or really in the rest of the story I don't think.

Chapter 16. Life goes on.

Heero remained in the hospital for a little over a month before the doctors believed he was healthy enough to leave. They had kept him under strict observation and were pleased with the amount of weight he had gained and the improvement in his sleeping habits. He was still allowed to use the sleeping pills once or twice a week if needed but was entirely off the pain pills and after a few fierce arguments with the doctors the anti-depressant ones as well, he didn't like taking anything that meddled with his mind.

He met with Merian twice a week and with some careful questions and some very cautious prodding she had somehow gotten him to open up to her. He had told her a little at a time about his childhood, for lake of a better term, though still said little about his time with J, and had begun to tell her about his time with Duo. He had told her only about the first few weeks of their relationship so far but she was happy with how much he had opened up to her and he found he enjoyed being able to tell someone about it.

He had also, after a fair amount of pushing from Merian, began to reluctantly tell the other pilots, including Zechs, about his time with Duo. He had adamantly refused to tell any of the girls and only Sally and Merian really knew anything about the abuse. Heero had been surprised by how supportive his friends had been and that they still wanted to be his friend and didn't blame him for what had been done to him. He had slowly begun to realize that Duo had been lying to him in order to keep him secluded from everyone else and unable or unwilling to ask for help and that knowledge hurt as much as anything else Duo had done to him.

The braided man had not been seen or heard from since he had gone into the rehab center but Quatre's sister Iria kept them updated on his condition. Heero was glad the man was getting the help he needed and torn between whether he wanted to see him again or not. In many ways he was still far to afraid of Duo to ever want to see him again but in some ways he wanted to as well to hear him apologize in person as he had said he would in his letter. The letter he held clutched in his hand now as he lost himself in his thoughts.

That was how Trowa and Quatre found him when they came to get him. They were bringing him back to the blonde man's home where he would stay with them until he was ready to get back on his feet. Plus the doctors didn't think he was quite ready to be on his own yet they were still worried about him falling back into his self harming ways. So Heero had agreed, quite reluctantly he might add, to stay with Quatre and Trowa for a few months. He had every intention however of eventually returning to work and getting an apartment of his own, he refused to ever go back to the one he shared with Duo, there were too many painful memories there.

"Hey Heero are you ready to go?" Quatre asked breaking him from his thoughts. It was still surprising to them to see the man startled by them but neither said anything about it. "We just need to wait for some instructions from the doctor and we can go."

"Hai," Heero replied holding up the gym bag next to him that held the few clothes he had with him. "How long did the doctor say he'd be?"

"He should be here in a few minutes," Trowa told him understanding his impatience to leave. None of them really liked being in hospitals after all and Heero had been here for over a month. "Your room is all set up at the manor and the others are waiting for us there. We thought it would be easier on you if we didn't all come here."

"Thank you," The blue eyed man said gratefully. He still wasn't used to being surrounded by people and being with all of his concerned friends in such a small room would have been a little to much for him. "What did you do to convince them to stay there."

"Quatre just asked them nicely with his 'I'm an innocent angel do what I am asking you to' look," The unibanged man explained with a chuckle ignoring the glare of death his lover was giving him. "No one can resist that."

"Trowa I do not have that kind of look," The blonde haired man huffed crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. Heero said nothing but inwardly he agreed with Trowa. "People just like me so they like to do what I ask them to."

"That is true not many people like to refuse young Mr. Winner here," A voice agreed from the door. They turned as the doctor entered the room, an older gentleman with brown hair sprinkled with gray. "Well Mr. Yuy it seems you are ready to leave us. The children will miss you, you and your stories have become quite popular here."

"Hn," Heero replied seeming not to care about the children he had spent so much time with the last few weeks. None were surprised when he spoke again. "I would be willing to come visit if that is what they desire."

"I am sure the children would like that," The doctor replied glancing at his chart before looking at them with a smile. "Now Mr. Yuy all of your wounds are just about healed though you may still be a bit sore and tender in places. Your sleeping habits seem to be fairly normal and I would suggest using the generic sleeping pills only when you really need it. Your eating habits however still leave something to be desired and we would still feel better if you put on a couple more pounds and I am relying on your friends to make sure that you keep eating the way you should and you don't skip any meals understand."

Heero only grunted in response not understanding why they had such a problem with his weight. He could decide what was and wasn't a good weight for him to be for himself. The other two men only nodded however listening intently to the man and determined to do what was needed for their friend.

"That was why we didn't want you to live on your own yet Mr. Yuy. You still don't show much interest in food or eating and that is concerning to us so Mr. Winner and Barton are to make sure you eat three meals each day and at least try to get you to eat one snack of your choosing. I also want you to continue going to therapy and want updates with that as well as everything else every couple of weeks. If you continue improving as you are with no set backs then I will agree to allow you to return to work and get a place of your own. If you have no questions then I just need you two gentlemen to sign you out and you are free to go Mr. Yuy until I see you again in three weeks."

"Thank you Dr. we will make sure that he does everything you want and keeps you updated," Quatre willingly agreed as he took the forms from the man and signed his name to them before handing them to Trowa who did the same. "Now Rashid is waiting for us outside so lets get going."

Heero nodded and stood up holding his bag in one hand. The three said goodbye to the doctor and then left the room heading for the elevators. It took them only a few minutes to get to the bottom floor and Heero had to fight the urge to smile as they walked outside to where the Arabic man was waiting for them. It had been so long since he had been outside and it felt so good to feel the heat of the sun and the chill of the wind on his skin again.

He had never done well with being locked up and was glad to be free of the place he had spent the last month of his life in. He was determined never to have to return to the hospital again for any length of time if possible and he wondered how Duo was doing being locked away in the rehab center. Duo was even worse about being in one place for a long time than he was having been on the streets and on his own for so long that he was used to being able to come and go as he pleased. The man would go stir crazy within a couple of days and he hoped the workers there would be able to deal with him when he did.

Noticing the others looking at him curiously he pulled his thoughts away from the other man and silently entered the car with a nod of his head to the loyal Maganac. Quatre and Trowa exchanged a glance with each other before entering the car themselves and once they were all settled the big man pulled the car away heading back to Quatres manor. Fortunately for Heero the ride back to the manor was quiet and he was able to collect his thoughts before facing the rest of his friends.

Thoughts that seemed to continuously turn back to the braided man despite his best efforts to think of other things. He knew he still cared for Duo and in ways probably always would but he couldn't let the others know that. They would be upset with him if they knew and he didn't want to lose the few friends he had because he still cared for his abuser. Of course Merian had told him that it was natural for him to still care about the braided man despite what he had done to him but that it would be better for him to work past those feelings and find something or someone else to take his place. Heero intended to do so but knew it wouldn't be easy and for now wanted to keep his thoughts to himself so as not to upset anyone.

A half hour later they arrived at Quatre's manor and Rashid pulled the car up to the steps leading to the front door before climbing out and opening the door for them. Heero followed Quatre and Trowa out of the car still holding his duffle bag in one hand. The blonde man lead them through to the living room where the rest of his friends were gathered around a table layered with food, including a cake, and a banner hanging from the ceiling that said "Welcome home Heero".

Deeply touched Heero could think of nothing to say as he was surrounded by his friends. He received hugs from Releana, Sally, Noin and even Dorothy and a smile of welcome from Merian, who knew how much he didn't like to be touched so kept her distance. Zechs and Wufei both patted him on the back and Lady Une nodded to him with a small smile. Heero couldn't believe they were all there for him, never in his life had he believed that he would ever have friends like this, and it was overwhelming to him.

For so long he had been alone, the cold, uncaring soldier that neither needed nor wanted friends. Relationships were liabilities that he couldn't afford during his training or the war. Dr. J had taught him not to make himself vulnerable to such things and for along time he had been able to keep his distance from others until first Duo and then the other Gundam pilots had forced themselves past his walls and created friendships with him he had before never believed possible for him. The others had followed soon after until he had come to this point and saw just how cared for he actually was.

"Well Heero what do you think?" Trowa asked quietly as the girls fused over a plate of food they were trying to fill for the Prussian eyed man. Heero could only shake his head as he watched them in disbelief. "Everyone thought it would be nice to have a welcome home party for you. We have all been very worried about you these past few months."

"This is incredible," Heero replied looking at all the different decorations and the cake that had a picture of himself on it sitting on the beach. It was a picture that had been taken when they took a trip to the ocean and Quatre had caught him unaware with his camera. "Thank you,"

"Your welcome Heero and you do deserve this," The unibanged man told him with a knowing glance at the shorter man who's face flushed briefly with the reveling of his thoughts. "This is just our way to show you that we all care about you, that you are loved, and always will be,"

Heero gazed at his fellow former pilot for several moments not knowing what to say and then before he could speak a plate loaded with food was shoved into his hands. It was full of chips, crackers, cheese cubes and vegetables with dip as well as other things and his first thought was to refuse it as he had no real desire to eat anything. The looks on the women's faces however stopped him and he took it with a nod and a smile.

For a moment he only held it hoping that would be enough and they would leave him be to dispose of it at some point without them noticing it. But when they continued to stare at him and the plate he was holding he gave a soft sigh and took a few pieces of cheese and some of the crackers and ate them slowly glaring at his overly concerned friends. Satisfied that he was eating the others resumed their conversations and Trowa left his side to wrap his arms around Quatre's waist though every once in a while they would glance over at him to see if he was still eating.

Knowing this Heero forced himself to eat nearly everything on his plate and even to get a small second helping but that was all he could do before he felt to full to eat anymore. Fortunately this seemed to be enough for the others as no one else tried to get him to eat anything or refill his plate for which he was grateful. Despite the food issue he enjoyed the party and it went on until pretty late into the night until Heero was to exhausted to stay awake and they left to let him sleep.

XeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeX

Heero remained with Trowa and Quatre for a little over three months before being allowed by the doctor to move into his own place. At the blonde haired man's insistence he chose an apartment close to the two men and far away from where he used to live with Duo. He also went back to work at the Perventers after the first two months of staying with them. Lady Une was glad to have him back after several months of absence but insisted that he partner with Wufei who he knew was to keep an eye on him.

He didn't mind though as he wouldn't have wanted to partner with anyone he didn't already know or worked with. Wufei understood him and how he worked so wouldn't get in his way or need looking after as any of the other agents would have especially if Une had stuck him with some inexperienced rookie. Besides he was just glad to be back at work and living on his own again after so long of being under the care of others.

It was strange at first having his own apartment as he hadn't really lived alone since the war and several times he had come home expecting Duo or one of the other guys to be there waiting for him like they had when they had shared the safe houses together. However he had gotten used to it eventually and had made the place his own as much as he could though he didn't know much about home decoration. But he had done the best he could and thought he had created a place that felt at least some what warm and homey at least to him.

He was most glad though to be back at work not realizing how much he had missed it until he got back or how many people there had missed him. He had been shocked by how many people came up to him on the first day back, patting him on the back, and telling him how glad they were to see him back. Some of them had heard about what had happened with him and Duo, at least that there had been some kind of disagreement between them, but most didn't know anything and were just glad he had chosen to come back to work.

Being crowded around and touched by so many people had made him very uncomfortable and Wufei seeing this had quickly gotten him away from them by claiming he had to show him to his new office and get him briefed on their first mission. The other agents had reluctantly let him go and Heero had given him a grateful look as he followed the man to their office. It was no different than the one he had once shared with Duo and brought back some painful memories he had to forcefully push away.

The first few weeks of work passed with out incident for Heero and he was slowly getting used to working again. He and Wufei had been given a few light missions that mostly involved doing a lot of paper work and research and little physical strain. It annoyed him a little but he knew that Une wouldn't put him on anything more strenuous or dangerous yet until she felt he was ready for it again.

He knew it must be frustrating for Wufei as well who was used to being put on more high priority cases but the man didn't complain at all and worked on the small cases with as much dedication and vigor as he had on the big ones. So Heero felt that it was only right that he do the same and get the man back onto the higher cases he loved so much as quickly as he could by showing he had recovered from what had happened to him. He was determined to show everyone that his skills had not been diminished by his time away or what he had suffered with Duo.

A few weeks after Heero returned to work he was walking down the hall with a couple of folders in his arms heading for the office he shared with Wufei. They were working on a case involving the possible embezzling of funds from some high level Ceo's in a top ranking computer company. So far they had found little except some suspicious deposits and withdrawals from certain accounts but nothing that could be considered concrete proof yet. Wufei claimed he had a few sources that would only meet with him as they trusted no one else and Heero had been doing research on the company since its conception several years ago, hence the folders he was carrying now.

He was half way to the office when he was stopped by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind him. He tensed and turned toward the sound just as a fellow agent stepped out in the hall from a joining one he had just passed. He immediately recognized his brown hair, green eyes, and slender build and frowned as he wondered what the man wanted with him. Duo was gone so there was no longer anything for them to have to do with each other.

"Hello Agent Yuy," The younger man said looking somewhat uncomfortable and uncertain as Heero only stared at him with a slight frown. "You're looking well, much better than you had before. I am glad to see you have regained your health sir."

"Hn," Heero grunted not at all believing the man. He was sure the rookie wasn't glad to see him at all regardless of what he said. "Thank you agent . . . .?"

"Joshua Harrison sir," The agent replied with what he could tell was a forced grin. He frowned wanting nothing more than to get back to the office and his assignment, he didn't have time for these kinds of things. "I was sorry to here of your illness and am glad to see you back at work. The agency wasn't the same without you sir."

"No you're not Harrison," The Prussian eyed man snapped satisfied when he saw the grin slip from his face at his words. "I know you're not so lets stop with the pleasantries and get to what you really want to say to me I have work to do."

"Fine, I know what happened between you and Duo, Heero." Josh told him. Heero tensed slightly but said nothing as his eyes narrowed into his patented death glare, that at least had not lost its effectiveness as the other man hesitated slightly before continuing. "About his friends and the rape, everything . . .is it true Yuy did . . .did Duo abuse you?"

"Hn," Heero said again staring at the other man. He wondered why he was asking him this, what it was he needed to know from it, until he saw him standing their shifting from foot to foot as he waited for an answer. "You already know the answer to that don't you. Duo hit you to."

"Y. . .yes but only once and he hadn't gotten any sleep that night and had found out the truth about something that upset him. He wouldn't have done it otherwise," the younger agent told him furiously. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than the former pilot as he spoke quickly without really looking at him. "He told me he was sorry right after he did it and that he wasn't safe to be around then asked me to leave him. Said he had some problems to work out and that he still loved you even though he had been dating me or at least I thought we were."

"He said the same thing to me every time he would hurt me and I would believe him." Heero replied his eyes growing distant for a moment before he shook his head and focused once more on the other man standing near him. "But I know now that he is sick and that at the time he didn't really mean it. But I hope he is getting the help he needs and that when he comes back he will be able to have a normal life and a good relationship with someone."

"Someone? Not you Yuy?" Josh asked. The former pilot frowned but said nothing knowing what the man wanted to hear. "Then you don't love him anymore. So you wouldn't care about who he dated once he comes back? Wouldn't take him back even if he begged you to?"

"Is that what this is really all about Agent Harrison? You feel threatened by me?" the blue eyed man asked with a snort. The other man said nothing but the look on his face was all the answer he needed. "If you want to date Duo than go right ahead but I don't know if I could ever trust him again. Besides I think . . . I know I deserve better than to be treated like that and you do too. But that is your business and I hope you and Duo will be happy together if you are who he wants."

With that Heero turned away and continued down the hall not wanting to waste anymore time with him. He had brought back all of those painful memories and feelings of the time he had spent with Duo. Of how jealous he had been of the boy and his fear that Duo would want the other agent over him. The things that had led to his eating problems and his friends concern for him.

He didn't want to think about those times anymore, wanted to lock them away deep inside until he could no longer remember them. They were part of a past that wasn't a very good one, not that much of his past had been all that good, but he had hope that his future would be better. His friends had given him that hope after Duo had hurt and betrayed him just as Duo himself had done once during the war and that was the Duo he wanted to remember rather than the one of the last year.

The annoying, cheerful, and constantly talking Duo that would never leave him alone no matter how much he had tried to ignore him. The one that never lost his grin or inane jokes regardless of the situation they were in. That was the one he had fallen in love with, the one that had made the war bearable for them all, and made him believe that he could possible one day be more than just an emotionless soldier. He was sure to that, that Duo still existed in the man somewhere and that one day he would be able to find him again or so he hoped.

"Agent Yuy, Heero, Duo still loves you and I think you are the only one he has ever really loved." Josh told him as he watched him walk away. Heero paused and looked back at him though the man had his face turned away from him. "The whole time he was with me all he would ever talk about was you and I knew that I never really had a chance with him even though I wanted to." He fell silent for a moment, as if building up his courage, and then lifted his head to look at him again. "I wanted to hate you for that and for awhile I truly thought I did but now I know that I don't and I never did. So just talk care of him for me all right?"

Heero said nothing as he stared at the other man who gave him a slight smile that he knew to his own surprise was actually sincere. Nothing else was said between them and after several minutes of silence the former Gundam pilot merely nodded at the other man before turning to walk away again. This time Josh didn't stop him and he heard him turn and walk away as well seemingly satisfied by the others nod.

It seemed that just like that whatever problems they had between them were now gone and that Josh could now move on. That was what he had wanted when he stopped Heero in the first place and he had known it, a reason to let Duo go and a chance to say goodbye to him. Knowing or at least believing that Duo would be in good hands with Heero who he never had a chance of taking him from, and being able to say what he had needed to had given him the closure he needed to go on to someone else.

It was unfortunate that it wasn't so easy for Heero who had been affected by Duo far more deeply and permanently than the other agent had been. It would take him a lot longer to be able to let go of him and move on, to forget what he had done to him, even though he wanted to. He was still unsure if he even wanted to give Duo another chance or anyone for that matter, his trust broken so thoroughly that it was like putting the fractured pieces of a puzzle back together again. For now all he could do was take it one day at a time and let his friends help him heal little by little.

A/N dun dun dah! At last it is finished after making you all wait a year for the next chapter I am so so sorry for that please forgive me and I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I think there will only be maybe one or two more chapters after this one and possibly an epilouge but this story is drawing to a close at last. Its kind of sad really as I have been working on this story for over two years now but also good as I am finally finishing one of my longer stories so woo hoo.

Ok I really don't like doing this as I am not the kind of writer that cares much about reviews as long as I get some but I am kind of disappointed by the lack of response I got from this story for my last chapter and note so I am wondering just how many people are still reading this story and how many have given it up as a lost cause which I wouldn't blame you if you had. So I am hoping to get at least three or four reviews for this chapter to let me know that people still are reading it and want me to continue thank you. So read, enjoy and review and let me know if Josh and Heero were too out of character not sure if I like their conversation much and this is the last time we will see Josh.


	18. Chapter 18: poll results

Hello all I hope you are all well and won't be to mad at me but even though I said I wouldn't close the poll until after I have updated all of my stories I have decided to anyway do to the fact I am having a bit of writers block with the last three. Also I am trying to update faster and don't want to keep people waiting any longer for updates on the first three so the poll is now closed and the results will be revealed in just a few moments.

First though I want to address two things really quick. The first one is an unsigned in reviewer yuki-chan314 who has been reviewing my peasants heart story. Since you aren't signed in I am addressing you this way and I hope you will read it. Thank you for your interest in my story and I am glad you like it so much but if you have been reading my story at all than you would realize that it takes me a long time to update sometimes, something I am trying to fix, so please stop freaking out about the fact that it hasn't been updated yet and has gone on hiatus or something. Unless I say it has than it isn't ok and I will update eventually you just have to be a little more patient thank you.

(oh by the way in case anyone is wondering the bond between slaves, gundam wing, story is on hiatus and has been for a while. Sorry all I should have said something a lot sooner.)

The second thing I want to address is something that really pissed me off from a few reviewers. I understand that people don't like author notes I don't like them much myself but yelling at me about them and the sneak peaks of my stories is unnecessary and annoying. I am the author and I will do what I want to do with my stories and notes and if I want to be nice and give my reviewers sneak peaks so that they know I am still working on the stories that they love than I will. Also I do sneak peaks of all my stories in all my stories because it's the same note in all of them and that is easier for me so I don't want to hear anymore complaints about that and if I get any complaints about this note then I may just decide not to post anything on this site ever again as it is just to frustrating!

All right then now that we have got that unpleasantness out of the way it is time to reveal the winners of my poll. In first place as no surprise to anyone I am sure is Who do you turn to and in second place which was extremely close, like two votes close between the poll and reviews, is A Peasants heart. So those are the two I will be working on along with a warm summers night from now on. In a very close third was Saving Harry and then in fourth was A broken dream, this surprised me a little as I was expecting this one to get at least a few more votes, and then by far in last place was The darkness that hid the light which I am trying to decide if I want to keep writing as it is or redo it or something not sure yet.

Also with the three other plots I was asking about the Azkaban story and Harry's brother story were tied for votes and the gundam wing/ Harry potter crossover came in last which didn't surprise me to much .

So those are the results and the stories I will be working on. The three other ones I will start writing again after I finish writing the first three unless I get these chapters I am working on finished in which case they may be updated at some point while I am working on the others. I hope you are all happy and will be understanding of the temporary, and I mean temporary, hiatus of those few stories. Thank you and I hope to have more updates for you all soon.


	19. important note

I am writing this note to tell you all that I don't know when I will be updating any of my stories again. My Nanny (my moms mom) is in the hospital and near death. They are putting her on a morphine drip on Monday and I don't know when I will be writing again. I ask you to please understand and any of you who are Christians to please pray for my family. I will try to update as soon as I can.


	20. Chapter 17 yes its a chapter!

Voldyismoldy (pokes head out of gundanium bomb shelter): Um hi it's me, the author that disappeared for a while and kept you waiting for far too long for the end of this story. Please don't kill me! Anyway I am finally finishing this story and I am so sorry it took me so long to do it please forgive me. This is the final chapter as I have kind of lost interest in the story and there really isn't much more to write for this story. Please if there is anyone left enjoy the final chapter and review even if it's just to tell me how horrible I am to keep you all waiting so long.

Disclaimer: I no own kay.

Warning: Duo returns and choices are made.

Chapter 17. The choices we make.

*time skip*

A year passed quickly for Heero and soon enough he and Wufei were back to their usual high priority cases. Heero was nearly back to his monosyllable self as well except that his eyes were a little bit more revealing than they used to be and he was still unwilling to date anyone. He had tried numerous times, all mostly because of Quatre who tried to set him up with all sorts of different men, but it never went well. Most couldn't handle his intense personality or his desire not to be touched intimately and left eventually.

This frustrated Quatre and Trowa and angered Wufei , but it didn't bother him much. Yes he would have liked to not be alone so much but his counseling with Merian had helped him to realize that even alone he wasn't truly so as he still had many friends. She had also helped him to realize that his dependence on Duo to keep him from being alone was unhealthy and had greatly added to the man's ability to make him feel like he had no one else and that he had no choice but to stay with him. Now he knew better and would never allow anyone to make him feel that way again.

In the year that had passed he had not heard from the braided man at all. He knew, from Quatre's sister, that he had left the rehab center three months ago and was now working for a salvage company like he had done before with Hilde. He had not come to see him though since getting out or tried to contact him in any way for which he was somewhat glad as he was still unsure if he wanted to see him again or not.

Heero knew he still had feelings for his fellow former gundam pilot and deep down knew that part of him still wanted to be with him, to have that happy ending. But another part of him, a bigger part, knew it would be extremely difficult for him to ever trust him again. He had hurt him too much, scared him too deeply, to ever trust him so easily again or to be willing to give him a second chance. It hurt that the man he had once trusted with his life could now not be fully trusted at all and almost made him wish they were back during the war.

Despite the life threatening missions and constant tension things had been almost simpler then. They had each had their place in the group: Heero was the reckless, emotionally stunted leader, Wufei was the greif-filled, justice craving one, Trowa was the quiet, sensible and vulnerable one, Quatre was the emotional, innocent but tactical genius of the group and Duo. . . Duo was the mechanical genius and constant joker. He was the one who never took things seriously and always kept them laughing in spite of whatever was happening at the time. He was the one who had kept them going during the war, kept them hoping that things would be better one day, and gave him a life after his time as a soldier was done.

Heero didn't know where he would be now or what he would be doing if Duo hadn't asked him to get an apartment with him. He hadn't known what to do with himself once the war was over and he was no longer needed to fight. He had never had a normal life, even as a child, having been trained to fight by Odin and Dr. J. for all of the life he could remember and if not for Duo he wouldn't have known he could live a normal life.

Sighing he pushed those thoughts away and turned his mind resolutely back onto the report he was writing. He and Wufei had just closed a case the day before and he was in his office now writing up his report. It had been a difficult case with Chang having to go under cover as a weapons dealer but they had succeeded in closing down one of the largest operations in illegal weapons and drugs trading. The man, Charles Novea, had even had his hands in some human trafficking and many of his slaves had been set free while he stood to face life imprisonment at least. All in all it had been a job well done and had left Heero feeling good about the work he did there.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he grunted at them to come in without turning away from his computer. He was over half way done with his report and Une wanted it on her desk by the time he left that night. He heard the door open and the shuffling of feet as the person walked over to his desk. They said nothing however though he could sense them fidgeting beside him and sighed in annoyance as he reluctantly looked up at the intruder. He frowned as he recognized the floor secretary, a mousey brown haired girl who had a thing for him though it was well known that he was into men and therefore had no interest in her.

"Yes Marianna, what did you need?" he asked after several minutes passed with her only smiling nervously at him.

"I. . . I have a message for you Mr. Yuy," She told him holding out a piece of paper to him in a shaking hand and looking incredibly pleased with herself. "The gentleman who brought it said it was important so I thought I should bring it right to you."

"Thank you," Heero said gruffly taking the note from her and quickly scanned it. His eyes widened as he read it and it took several tries for him to get his mouth working as he stared at the signature at the bottom. "Marianna the man who gave this to you what did he look like?"

"Oh he was a young good looking man though not as good looking as you Mr. Yuy," Marianna added quickly misinterpreting his scowl as he clutched the note tightly in his hand. "He was taller than you and slender with reddish brown hair in a ponytail and the saddest violet eyes. I have never seen eyes that color before," She trailed off dreamily for a moment but a grunt from him got her going again. "I asked if he wanted to wait for me to get you but he said no and just to give you the note so I did."

"Thank you for giving it to me," the blue eyed man told her. She beamed happily at him as he turned back to his computer and the report he was working on. "You can go now," He added when she made no move to leave.

The woman frowned flustered and hurt by his curt dismissal then quickly left the room with a huff of annoyance. Heero watched her leave wondering what she had expected to happen, most likely that he would confess some deep hidden feelings for her no doubt. Well that was as likely to happen as him discovering what his real name was and that he had family still living which wasn't very likely at all.

Turning away from the door he pushed the thoughts of the woman away only for them to be immediately replaced by the note clutched in his hand. It was a simple piece of paper with barely a sentence written on it but it needed little more to rock him out of his normal ordered thoughts. It was nothing more than a request for him to meet the sender of the note for lunch the next day if he was willing to and was signed with only the word; Baka.

Of course Heero had known immediately who it was from the moment he had seen the note and the woman's description of the person had only confirmed it for him. He was unsure why she had said the man's hair was in a ponytail rather than its customary braid but that was only of mild concern to him and he quickly pushed it from his thoughts.

After almost a year and a half Duo had finally contacted him, as he had both feared and hoped he would, and wanted to see him. Now the question was, was Heero ready to see and talk to him? Could he face the man who had hurt him so badly and what would he say to him if he did? Could he forgive Duo? Would he want to or would he be unable to let it go when faced with his abuser again after so long? He both wanted to see him again, talk to him, and was terrified of being near him once more, a feeling he still wasn't used to having.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes wondering if he should talk to one of his friends about it. He knew what Wufei would say: that he should stay away from him and not trust someone who in his opinion had no honor. Quatre would probably be the opposite and tell him he should go see him wanting to believe the best of him and Trowa would probably tell him it was his choice and either way he would support him. The others would be no different and he was unwilling to discuss his feelings with them.

Merian would probably want to have a session with him if he were to tell her about it and he didn't feel up to having a discussion with her about his feelings right now. So he would have to make the decision on his own as he was ultimately the only one who could make it in the end. This decided he stuffed the note in his pocket, quickly finished his report , and after turning it into Lady Une left for what he knew would be a long night of little sleep.

XeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeX

The next day Heero found himself fidgeting nervously for the first time in his life as he drove to the meeting spot written on the note. He had decided after hours of lying awake in his bed that he needed to see Duo at least one last time in order to put it all behind him. He needed to confront the man who had hurt him to prove that he was no longer the frightened timed thing Duo had made him become. That the braided former pilot no longer had that kind of power over him and never would again.

So with that decision made he had left Preventers at lunch time and driven down to the restaurant he had once met Trowa and the others at. As he pulled into a spot he caught sight of a man sitting at one of the outside tables, sipping a cup of coffee as he looked around for something. Heero's face darkened as he got out of the car examining the man who looked so familiar to him but at the same time not. The heart shaped face looked tired and older, the violet eyes dull and deep set with dark circles. The skin was still tanned though a shade paler and the biggest difference was the chestnut hair.

Gone was the long braid that had once sat against his back draping down nearly to his feet. Instead the brown locks seemed to be of a medium length and pulled back in a simple ponytail that only just reached his shoulders. It was strange to see him without it and Heero mourned the loss of it as he had always been fascinated by the hair. He liked holding it and running his fingers through it, helping Duo was it, even though he had ridiculed the other pilot for having such a distinctive style that got in the way during the war he would never have wanted the other man to cut as he had now.

However he didn't want Duo to know that so he kept his face blank as he approached him. The violet eyed man saw him almost immediately as he walked up to him and leapt to his feet. His face lightened as a small smile appeared making him look closer to his actual age and his eyes came to life as he gazed at him. Heero stopped near his table surprised to find he felt very little fear of him though there was still some weariness and lingering desire to please him. He showed none of this though, only hn'd in greeting, and waited expectantly for an explanation of their meeting.

"Heero I'm so glad you came, I was afraid you wouldn't," Duo told him as he gestured to a chair across from him, Heero sat but remained tense and alert as he resumed his own seat. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you hadn't but I'm happy you did. How have you been Heero?"

"Fine," the blue eyed former pilot grunted his face unchanging as he glanced at the menu that had been left for him previously. "Why did you want to see me Duo?"

"Good I'm glad you're doing well," The man replied taking a sip of his water. There was a strange sort of desperation to his voice that Heero took note as he continued. "I just wanted to talk to you, to apologize in person for all I did to you."

"Why couldn't you have done that in the office yesterday then instead of leaving me the note to meet you here," Heero inquired his arms folded across his chest. The other man looked somewhat sheepish at his question and didn't respond immediately.

"I wanted to see you alone and I am not exactly the most liked person at the agency right now so I thought it would be better to talk somewhere else," He explained looking down at his hands that were wringing together on the table. "What I did to you was horrible and you deserved none of it. I took my anger, frustration and fears on someone who was innocent of it all and I hurt you in ways I will never and can never understand or make up for and I am sorry for it all. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me for it but I would completely understand if you didn't."

Heero remained silent gaze even and face expressionless as Duo waited for a response. A waiter came and sensing the tension quickly took their orders and left. Still the former pilot said nothing and Duo eventually lowered his eyes, hands wrapping around his cup to keep them from trembling as he told himself that this was nothing more than he had expected.

"You raped me," the voice was soft but strong in its accusation and Heero watched the others face pale as he looked up at him again regret and despair dampening his eyes. "You beat me and raped me, kept me from anyone and made me feel worthless and dirty. It took me a long time and Merian's help to make me like myself again, to be willing to eat again, and that I had done nothing to deserve any of it. But I want to know why Duo? Why was all that done to me?"

"I have no excuse for what I did as I said in the letter. Living on the streets of L2 influenced me more than I wanted to believe it had and in times of stress I turned to drinking and even some drugs to help me cope. I was stupid and not even fully aware of what I was doing and in all honesty I liked the control I had over you. It made me feel strong and powerful to have the untouchable Heero Yuy afraid of me and so eager to make me happy," The violet eyed man confessed. Heero bristled at the confession and made a move to leave, not sure he could listen to this anymore, but Duo stopped him putting a hand lightly on his almost afraid to let it touch his. "But I'm different now, better, I swear. I have been sober for a year now from both alcohol and drugs and have taken anger management classes. I have been going to therapy too and have a new job now as a mechanic that I really enjoy."

"And your hair," Heero asked glancing at the ponytail as their food arrived. Duo grinned at his question running his hand over it.

"Yeah it was my therapist's idea. He said that in trying to hold so tightly to my past I was letting it influence my life too much. That I need to change something's and start letting go and since there were so many bad memories connected with my braid that it was a good time to cut it off and start fresh," He told him looking wistful for a moment before he sobered and squeezed his hand slightly unsurprised when Heero pulled his away. "That's another reason why I wanted to see you. I want to start fresh with a new life and I have done pretty good job so far but I would really like you to be a part of it too. I would like us to have another chance if we can and I swear it will be different this time. No more pain or fear just love and support I promise."

"You want me to give you a second chance?" the blue eyed man questioned raising an incredulous eyebrow at him. Duo nodded and picked absently at his food. "After everything you did and your friends do you really think I could trust you again, that you deserve that?"

"They're not my friends Heero I haven't spoken to any of them since I went into rehab and I never should have believed then over you, I am most sorry for that," the chestnut haired man told him with a scowl. Heero frowned but said nothing as he pushed the remainder of his food away, he was no longer hungry. "And I know I don't deserve your trust but I'd like the chance to earn it if I can, if you will let me, I don't care how long it takes, even if it takes forever. I would just like the chance to try and show you what a real relationship is like and not that farce we had before. But it's up to you and I will respect your decision whatever it is."

He stopped speaking then and quickly started eating his meal keeping his eyes averted from him as he left him to think. Heero sat back in his chair his arms folded over his chest again and his eyes shadowed. He had expected this to happen but was not at all prepared for it and was now torn in his thoughts. He loved Duo still despite all he had done to him and part of him still longed to have that happy ending with him, to have what Quatre and Trowa and the others had. The other part of him was well aware of the damage he had caused him and of what he could do to him again if he let him.

It had taken months for him to recover from it all and it was only with the help of Merian and his friends that he had come as far as he had. To give Duo the chance to take back all he had accomplished in that time seemed foolish and if he was just a soldier he would have refused him immediately. But he wasn't just a soldier anymore and there was the chance that the chestnut haired man really had changed and that now they could have the relationship he had always wanted them too. It was optimistic and unrealistic to the extreme but he couldn't deny the slim hope that had built up within him as he listened to Duo promise him all he had wanted.

He wished for a moment that his friends were there, even Zech's, but none were and the decision was his alone to make as it had been last night. He gave a soft sigh and squared his shoulders as he looked over at Duo face set and revealing nothing. Feeling his gaze the other man stopped eating and looked up at him again trying to keep the emotions from showing on his face and failing miserably as he waited trembling slightly while wringing his hands.

"I can't trust you Duo. You hurt me far worse than you will ever know and turned your back on me when I most needed you even though I had given you no reason to doubt me in anyway," Heero began after several minutes of silence passed. Duo lowered his head his hands clenching and his eyes squeezing shut as he braced himself for what he knew was coming. "But I will give you another chance," The other man nearly fell out of his chair as he looked up at him eyes wide and a grin breaking out as Heero continued. "Only one though and the moment you try to hurt me again in any way I will leave and you will never see me again ever. And we're not together, not yet and maybe not ever, but I will let you try to prove to me that I can trust you. That is all I am willing to do understand."

"Yes of course He-chan I understand completely and I will prove to you that you can trust me no matter what I have to do or how long it takes," Duo promised nearly jumping in his seat as his smile grew. Heero fought to hide his own smile as the sight reminded him of the old Duo who had first gotten under his skin during the war. "You won't regret this Heero and you can choose where and when we go and what you're comfortable with I won't pressure you in any way."

Heero nodded and they returned to their food, the blue eyed man's appetite having returned somewhat. Duo asked to pay when they finished and Heero allowed it though insisted he would pay the next time and Duo agreed. They parted with Heero promising to call him when he was ready and returned to their separate jobs both unsure of what lay head of them now. For three months Duo waited to hear from him and began to fear he wouldn't until one Thursday night Heero called and asked if he would meet him for lunch the next day. Duo instantly agreed and that began a series of lunchs that turned into dinners and eventually dates.

XeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeXeX

Late, one summer night, Heero opened blurry eyes and smiled softly as he looked up at the man lying next to him. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep and even as he slept. He was laying half on his back and half on his side with one arm curled protectively around Heero who snuggled closer to his warm body. They were both naked and the blue eyed man was pleasantly sore after their love making earlier.

Two years had passed since they started dating again and this was only the second time Heero had allowed him in his bed. The last couple years had not been easy but Duo had been as good as his word and had done everything he could to prove he was sincere in his promise. They had taken things slow and had had only one small set back when they had an argument about something and Duo had raised his arm as if to strike him. Heero had flinched at the gesture and Duo had immediately lowered his hand, eyes wide with surprise and remorse, and left the room to regain control of himself. He had returned a half hour later and begged Heero's forgiveness which he had given pleased that Duo had stopped himself before he had done anything.

Telling their friends about their relationship had been a problem as well mostly with Wufei who had taken it as well as they had expected him to which wasn't well at all. He had ranted and raved and made Duo swear not to hurt Heero ever again or he would slice him open with his katana before he had reluctantly accepted him back as their friend. Quatre and Trowa had been a little better than him though both had extracted their own promises from him as well and surprisingly Duo had looked the most shaken after coming back from a private conversation with the small blonde who had smiled sweetly at all of them.

Merian had insisted on them having couples therapy with her just to make sure their relationship stayed healthy and Duo had enthusiastically agreed pleasing Heero. They met with her once a week and Duo still went to see his own therapist when he felt like he needed it from time to time. He also went to AA meetings and Heero would sometimes go with him when his work schedule allowed wanting to support him and his sobriety. He was most proud of that and how even when they went out with their friends Duo stayed away from alcoholic beverages getting sodas or water instead. He said it was better that way as he didn't trust himself to stop with only one drink and Heero agreed with him.

They still had a long way to go though he knew but Duo was patient and understanding never pushing him to move faster than he wanted. He had recently asked if Heero would move into his apartment with him, a different one then the one they shared before, and the blue eyed man had said he would think about it. It was a big decision to make and Duo had told him to take his time and that he would respect whatever he decided and for that Heero loved him even more. So yes they still had a long way to go but Heero knew as he closed his eyes to return to sleep that he had been right to give him another chance and that they were well on their way to having what the others had at last.

A/N: yes it is finally finished. Almost four years after starting this story, 4/27/2008 I have finally gotten to the last chapter. I am so sorry it took me so long to write this and thank you all for waiting so patiently and for all your reviews. I hope this chapter is worth it though it was shorter and a little more rushed than I wanted but it's the best I can do. I was finally inspired after having serious writers block on this story for more than a year while flying back from my recent trip to florida and got this typed up as fast as I could so I hope you enjoyed and please review and perhaps we will see each other again if I ever come back to gundam wing fanfiction. For now I have no other stories for this fanfiction but you never know when inspiration will hit : )!

p.s.: obviously if any of you remember the vote I had you do a long time ago the winner was Duo redemption and him and Heero get back together. Sorry to all those who wanted Heero with Trowa and Quatre but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.


End file.
